[winter444]

I was in contact with my bmom for 8 months but everything went south pretty quickly.
One problem was we had absolutely no privacy, my 1/2 brother read everything we emailed to each other, long story, emails were always through his computer....I had asked my bmom about my father but she said she was adamant she was never going to tell me....that hurt..I asked if there was a way for us to have privacy and she emailed me back to tell me I was taking her back to a place where she had been ashamed and unhappy and those feelings were happening all over again.
"You will never have contact with your siblings as I cannot face that..." all emails became so cold so I just had to end it all, for my own health, I was honestly sick from it all.
All I ever wanted was for her to care about me and to understand I wanted us to be able to write to each other in private, why did she go off the way she did? Can anyone explain this to me??

[RavenSong]

I remember you posting about this a few months ago or so. Were you ever able to determine whether it was absolutely your birthmother on the other end of the email? I remember that several of us pointed out that it might be your half-brother. Were you ever able to talk directly with your bmom on the telephone or receive a handwritten letter in her own handwriting?? The whole situation just sounds weird to me, especially since your birthmom could easily obtain her own email address (gmail, hotmail, etc.) and not use your brother's.

[Jackiejdajda]

winter444

"You will never have contact with your siblings as I cannot face that..." all emails became so cold so I just had to end it all, for my own health, I was honestly sick from it all.

She does not want to or can not go there.. Not yet..
The process may have started.. but she does not want to be pushed.. IMO

She may go into the grief.. the feelings some day... I think this is your hope..
Give her time maybe..

All I ever wanted was for her to care about me and to understand I wanted us to be able to write to each other in private, why did she go off the way she did? Can anyone explain this to me??

To me its about the secret keeping and the abandonment of our emotions.. and the shutting down of feeling..
I bet she does not understand your pain does not see it... she is so deep within herself and her work at blocking all memories..
Or like Raven says.. her son is an influence..

If we do not have help when we find emotions that are long buried.. we just bury them again.. IMO

I needed my family.. and I remember one time on my bsons birthday I told my third born son about it being his half brothers birthday and I did not get a reaction other than why are you so sad.. he’s probably fine..
So I went off and grieved on my own..
But I wanted it.. I wanted to get out of that secrecy and those walls and that shutting down of feelings..
Some find it a comfortable place..

I am so sorry..

Jackie

[Oceans]

Winter - I have to agree with Raven. I skimmed the old posts and something doesn't feel right here... Is there any other way you can contact her?

[TxMom65]

I'm sorry that your reunion has been painful.

Several things are a possibility, although only your mother will know for certain. 1) could be your 1/2 brother sending the e-mails 2) she could have some flashbacks that are PTSD type 3) she has given you all she is capable of giving right now.

[winter444]

Thank you everyone. After an especially cold email and me going crazy wondering if it was my bmom I was emailing, I picked up the phone and called her, BIG mistake, she asked me if I received her email from the night before so it was her, she was so cold to me and angry, told me she'd told me to never call her....she hadn't...the tone of her voice, to me, really said it all and I just couldn't go on with any of it, it still hurts a lot.
I do think she didn't receive all my emails though, when I asked my 1/2 brother too for privacy, he never ever wrote back.
Earlier I had written some feelings to my 1/2 brother too and he emailed back asking me if I wanted him to show his mom the email but he thought if he did she it would scare her away....I know now he did show her it.

[RavenSong]

Winter, I am so sorry to hear about what happened in your phone conversation. Your birthmother obviously has not dealt with your adoption and contact in a healthy manner. The anger she's displaying toward you is certainly not healthy. I wish I had the answer for you...

It just always bums me out so much when I hear about bmoms causing grief for their relinquished children in reunion. It doesn't have to be that way, and I'm frustrated when I read about a woman who doesn't approach her reunion with openness, honesty, and love. And I just never know what to say to the adoptee who is hurting, other than I'm sorry...

[soprano]

Winter,

I'm so sorry your bmom treated you that way. It's so hard for me to read this, as I (and most of the bmoms here) want nothing more than contact with our children. It's possible that your bmom is overwhelmed with feelings she cannot process and contact with you makes it worse. This is nothing you have done. It's possible that she will contact you at some later point when she can handle it better. In the meantime, try to keep her informed of any contact information change, and live your life knowing you tried to reach out to her and it didn't work for now.

PM if you want or need to... and keep your chin up.



Soprano

[feb171983]

That's sickening. You know that it's really her? Could it be a poser/liar tricking you? I've had that happen.

I just don't understand why she would contact you at all if she acts like that. Either she wants a relationship, or she doesn't. Even if she didn't want you to be in touch with her current family, there are certainly better ways to say it than that. From what you've written, I wouldn't even want a relationship with her at all. She sounds needlessly cruel and heartless and shouldn't have contacted you in the first place. Of course, perhaps she's just shocked/scared and worried about what her family will think-- that's certainly no excuse for treating you horridly, but could explain her psychotic state. Or, it would be a liar/poser and not the real person. Or the half brother/whatever could be doing this to 'stake claim' on his mom. Who knows, but it doesn't sound right or good or pleasant. I would request DNA or.. something. I don't even know.

Sorry that this has happened to you. I would triple verify this. DNA, preferably, or something. It sounds 'off' to me, too. I hope that things turn out better for you in the future.

[Larry_Kilburn]

thanks for give information..