[banjo]

has anyone read this book? I was totally floored by it. It made me feel like a big, bad birthmother and I wanted to run away and hide and not bother with reunion. Has anyone else posted a thread on this book? If so could you please post the link on this thread.

[BrandyHagz]

Hi Banjo, I haven't heard of the book or read it (not seen any threads on it either).

What's the ISBN? I'd love to take a look at it and read about how awful I am. I so rarely hear that...

[amyfk]

Hi,

I read the Mistress' Daughter about two months ago. I thought it was a good read. Note that I'm an adoptive parent.
I personally didnt get the feeling that the birthmother was uncaring or a "big bad birthmother." If I got that feeling from anyone, it was that the birthfather wasnt too interested in the daughter and was a filanderer.

Amy K, NJ

[taramayrn]

I am pretty sure Jenna has read this book and wrote a review for her birth/first parent blog. I'm going to see if I can find the link for you to read her review...brb.

[taramayrn]

Found it - Birth-First Parent Blog - Book Review: The Mistress's Daughter

[banjo]

thanks for that link to the review. I think the boook is a must read for those in adoption circles. But I felt it just shed light on the negativity surrounding birthmothers. Ellen - the bmother - never managed to really move on with ehr life after the loss of her bchild - which I think is totally understandable. But somehow everyone expects her to be normal. Amy's (the author) amother says "**** her. it's a lot of nerve" when Ellen contacts the afamily via the lawyer who arranged the adoption. The amother has lost a child. Her first boy died of a kidney disease. You would think that she would be sympthetic towards another woman who has also lost a child - but no...there's just fear and loathing towards the bmother. Ellen was jerked around by the unsupportive married bfather when she lost Amy to adoption. During the reunion the bfather referrs to Ellen the Dragon-lady. Foolishly Ellen uses the reunion to get back in contact with this uncaring man. Reviews of this book I have read (except Jennas) always focus on Ellen turning up unannounced at Amy's bookreading - like Ellen is stalking Amy. But they don't mention that Amy is busy driving by the homes of her bfamily - sitting outside watching them etc. I find that double standard annoying. The book reading was a public event. I am sure if her bmother/bfather had been hosting a public event she too would have gone an stood in the crowd and watched.I think the book is a good lesson for bparents who initiate a search. Amy had not gone looking for her bfamily. All in all I just wanted to tell Ellen to run away and never go near Amy and the bfather again which of course she did by choosing not to get medical care. I just felt for Ellen. She needed some serious adoption counselling to help her deal with her grief - the loss of her child to adoption and then the loss of her hopes of a perfect reunion with amy and only ever getting to see amy f-2-f twice in about 6 years. It has certainly changed my entire thoughts regarding my reunion/relationship with my bdaughter.