[mamabee]

Ryansexpress-Thank you for your perspective as an adoptee. And please, keep praying...I can never have too many people praying. You asked me how my other (kept) children treated me. They are the most loving bunch of kids...I am not just a bragging Momma...they are really good kids (oops adults and kids). They have respect for me and treat me with so much love and respect. We are all not only Mom/Daughter but we are friends.

Songbird--I never tire of reading your posts. Your own mistreatments signify our desperation for equal treatments. You were so mistreated by your ex...I was mistreated....others were mistreated...we gave our hearts and they took them and trampled them and left us belittled and broken....but slowly we are surviving...Oooh I feel a song coming on...I will survive!!! Remember it is good to laugh every once in awhile!!

I was talking privately with songbird and I came up with another question and I thought I would put it here and see what kind of responses I get. Anyway, as you know my reunion hasn't went well with my daughter...when I discuss her, do I refer to her as my daughter? Is there another proper name I should use?

[mamabee]

Today has been a little sad...my daughter's birthday is today...and I cannot be a part of it although she lives less than five minutes away. Since she has sent word to my oldest that she wants nothing to do with me...I, painfully, decided not to do anything other than send her an ecard for her birthday...even with that I struggle with the thoughts I should have just left it alone...but I am still sad...she will never know the love that I was so ready to give her....

[marimari]

Mamabee...congrats on the b-day of your daughter!
I am sure it stings to have heard those words..but, there is hope, right? She's young and as she matures will hopefully be ready someday to accept your love. I think sending a card was good..keep the door open for her so she's never afraid to come thru it...I know you'll be there with open arms. Give it to God...it may well be out of your hands for now. Peace and healing...

[mamabee]

My 7 year old grandson asked me today if my daughter's daughter (she is 8) would be coming over for Easter. It saddend me to tell him no. Then he asked me if I went to her birthday party...I told him no; then, he replied, "we didn't get invited either". I told my husband that this is really having an impact on the children and he said, "without a doubt".

I am finally accepting the realtiy of knowing I may never have a relationship again with my daughter and her children...but I never thought about the children and how this will affect their lives.

[onceisenough11]

Oh my God, this is so sad. A fake wedding ring? It makes me cry. Why are women so tormented by doing one of the most beautiful and natural things in the world--making new life? Why are not men tortured this way?

[merrill1277]

Originally Posted by onceisenough11

Oh my God, this is so sad. A fake wedding ring? It makes me cry. Why are women so tormented by doing one of the most beautiful and natural things in the world--making new life? Why are not men tortured this way?

Onceisenough, there was a time when if you were pregnant and unmarried, parenting was not given as an option. Any help or encouragement in keeping our child was nonexistent even when we desperately wanted to. The push was to have our babies adopted, with parents, social workers, clergy, doctors and others working on us simultaneously. I didn't read the post about the ring, but when girls and young women were sent to and confined in maternity homes, they were often given rings to put on for when they were outside of the building. For a society which cares only about appearances, well, the expectant mother is the obvious one whereas the father isn't. I wasn't in a maternity home but my mother told me not to let any of the neighbors see me (I didn't care if they did but she did) and once when I went to see the father of my baby, he shunned me away from his apartment as his family was there. Those were horrible times, dark ages... and if you have a real choice now... think long and hard about how your baby will feel once s/he is older if you do decide on adoption. (I've read other posts of yours). There are usually issues in being adopted, and for some they are huge, as they were for my son, who was not able to understand how times were different in the 70's when he was born (they were changing, yes, but not in my family) and it will be even harder now (when your child is older) to give him or her a reason for why s/he was adopted. My son considers adoption as abandonment and usually the mother is the one the anger is focused on. Just a dose of reality as you need to discover not only the seeming positives, but also the possible consequences. If I knew even a fraction of those things then that I know now, I'd have had a leg to stand on and say NO, even if I had to go to a shelter with him. Please don't rush into any decision but wait until after your baby is born and spend time with him/ her. In the first days of life your baby needs YOU as you are a part of them and they are a part of you... separation is a HUGE Loss for both... like a death and in some ways worse.
Merrill

[LexieLynn]

Everyone has to do what's good for them and what's good for the other person. The whole idea is to be happy. Best of luck.

Gina
Edited to remove retail URL

[mamabee]

Originally Posted by onceisenough11

Oh my God, this is so sad. A fake wedding ring? It makes me cry. Why are women so tormented by doing one of the most beautiful and natural things in the world--making new life? Why are not men tortured this way?

Onceisenough---I am sorry but I have no idea what you are talking about!!