[cmh19137]

Hi Everyone! I am an adult adoptee who has just found my birthparents! They are beautiful kind people who do want me in their life. I just don't know what to call them. I don't know how to ask them either. I'm afraid that I'm insulting them by calling them by their first names, but don't want to make things weird by calling them Mom or Dad either. I would just like to hear from any birthparents on what they would prefer to be called. Any ideas??? ((Hugs))
Christine

[scarlet52698]

I call my bparents by their first names. If I were to reconnect with my bson I'd want to be called by my first name. I thik my bsons amom is "mom"........kwim?

Congrats on reuniting

[Montraviatommyg]

I expected my bson to call me by my first name and his (a)mum 'Mum' as she is the one who has brought him up. When we were reunited he called me by my first name all the time and I am still quite happy/comfortable with that. As time went by one of his issues was that I acknowledged him as 'my son' and that I am 'his mum' which we talked about so I explained how I felt. I have quite happily acknowledged what he wanted but pointed out that as his amum is the one who brought him up it is only right that he should keep thinking of her as his mum. He, in return, has the attitutude that he has two 'mums' - the one who has brought him up and the one who was pregnant/gave birth. We have never actually discussed what he should call me, sometimes it's my first name but more often he does call me mum. I found it so strange at first but now I have got used to it though at times I'm still caught off guard. He has a mature attitude to the situation so I'm now comfortable with it as well.

Everbodys situation is different so it is what reunited bparents and adoptees are comfortable with.

Montravia

[SchmennaLeigh]

Right now, as Munchkin is young, I am "aslkdjgl;akhahhhhhh1." lol. So is everyone. When she is old enough to speak coherently, I will be Jenna, though she will know that I am her "tummy mommy." Far, far in the future, she can call me whatever she wants, from Jenna, to Birthmom, to First Mom, to Moe. While I hope she reserves the title of MOM for D, I will be willing to accept whatever she comes to me with; it's really not about my comfort level. It's about hers.

[hippiechick]

I'd vote for first name, too. REspect your adoptive mom and called yoru birth mom by her first name.

[dkb60]

I think the name thing should be whatever all are comfortable with calling each other. I also think that if one party is comfortable with more than the other party you go with the title that the more uncomfortable party wants. Why push it. Titles seem to work it's way out in the long run.

D.

[Richard Justin]

My son and I use first names and find it works just fine. I do talk about him as "my son" to others whether or not they know the circumstances. His infant daughter will grow up knowing me by my first name, too, but when she is older all will be explained. Labels aren't nearly as important as the relationship itself!

Rich

[suzherm]

I would want to be called by my first name.

[MajaHedman]

I call them both mom at my adoptive mom's insistence.

My son will grow up knowing me as Mutti and his first father as Vati (mom and dad in German).

I don't think there is a standard answer to this question. You have to do what you feel is right for you.

[mssnghank]

I would be honored to be called mom by my son, but whatever he is comfortable with!!

[blankenb4]

What to be called is such a personal thing. It depends on the relationship that develops. I don't think that there is any right or wrong answer. Relishing in the relationship is what is important.

Barbara

[mtlover]

What to be called is such a personal thing. It depends on the relationship that develops. I don't think that there is any right or wrong answer. Relishing in the relationship is what is important.

I second that opinion. It is totally what you are comfortable with and you will hear about respect issues and absolutes and extremes from both ends but bottom line it is personal and what works for you.

I am and adoptee and when I met my b-mom, calling her by her first name didn't work for me so I started calling her J-mom. J being the first letter of her name, Mom showing the relationship. She loved it! My b-dad told me right away I can call him whatever I want and my 5 siblings that my b-dad raised insisted I call him Dad. It felt good to me and so I do and he loves it.

I am also a B-Mom and our adoption was semi-open. My daughter always referred to me in her letters by my first name and when we first met too. (Although now that I think about it - the only time she called me by my first name was when she left me a message on voicemail). About 2 mos into reunion we were on the phone talking and we spoke for about an hour and were ready to complete our conversation (she is 17). She asked me if she could ask me a question. She was nervous and talking faster than normal and asked if I would mind if she called me Mom because after all, she had room in her heart for two Mom's and her Mom and I are both her Mom's so would I mind? Would I mind????? are you kidding me, I was wiping the tears from my eyes, (a dream come true that I would have never in a million years asked for) and said I would be honored to be called Mom.

So it is...

Take care and good luck

[Free_to_be_me]

I am called either my first name or "birtmudder" or "birthmom." Yeah, it is kind of odd, but my 9 year old birthdaughter started doing it the first time she connected me as being her birthmother. I would say she uses my first name 90% of the time.

[Linnie65]

I would never be comfortable calling my bmom anything but her first name. I would say - figure out what you want and then ASK them! I bet they are wondering the same thing - what should she call us?