[Brittnicks]

Birthmothers, I need your advice.....I am reunited with my bmom who is only fifteen years my elder. We were reunited about a year ago. At first, my bmom was everything I ever dreamed she was, the honeymoon stage was wonderful, eight months of it. But since that time, things have gotten wierd between us. What I need to know, is how does a bdaughter go about being friends with a bmom after thirty plus years of seperation? What do bmom's expect from bchildren after the honeymoon? Where do bchildren stand in a bparents life a year or so after the reunion? What expectations do bparents have to how a bchild should act in a relationship with bparent? When it comes to honesty, how much information about my feelings toward bmom is too much info and too honest? Is setting boundries and putting distance between bmom too hurtful to her? Will distance strengthen the relationship in time or kill it? I am so confused and dont know where else to turn to help this situation with my bmom. I dont want to loose what I have found but want to have some kind of relationship. Am I being too selfish to expect communication or counciling with bmom? Is that too sensitive of an area to go with bmom? What are the common emotions bmom's go through after reunion? Can a bchild help a bparent through this? Any answers, suggestions, or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.

[Brittnicks]

Thank you Moxie for your honest response. I appreciate it.
I did try to tell my bmom I was confused, she is not, and did not want to discuss the issue. So I am looking for a new route of communication with her. Thank you for the comment on space though, I have put some space between us to figure this out, but I dont want to make the issue worse. So thanks for that response. I will try and keep some contact.

[FatBirdy]

I think too much distance will kill it. One thing my bmom said to me during one of our many 'roadblocks' in the reunion when we were contemplating going our seperate ways. She said that not knowing me is the only way she knows how to know me. She said I have always been a distant memory with no place in her life, other than silently existing in her heart, and since that was what was normal to her it was very difficult to integrate me into her world. Sooooooo...maybe something like that is going on with your bmom? Maybe not? I don't know.....but i think you should ask! If you don't ask you don't get!

No way, are you being selfish to want communication and councelling with your bmom. Have you ever asked her to make a joint appointment with you with a psychologist or anyone? That seems like a great step for you to make that would also show your bmom that you are serious about trying to make this relationship work! Good luck!

[Brittnicks]

Thank you Fatbirdy for your comments, your advice is always greatly appreciatated.

[Jackiejdajda]

Brittnicks wrote..What do bmom's expect from bchildren after the honeymoon?

I personally expect understanding..
There are things I can not handle and I am sure there are things that my bson can not handle.. I try and sort that..

I have been in runion for three years.. It keeps changing.. I try and change with it..

I try and stay up front with what I want and what I do not want.. And if I am confused I ask..
I would wish the same from him.


Jackie

[Brittnicks]

Jackiejdajda,
Thank you so much for your comments. That is good wisdom, change with the changing relationship. So simple yet easily overlooked. Thanks again.

[Longing Heart]

Hi Brittnicks,
I haven't been reunited with my son as of yet. But I know that I would want to build a relationship of honesty and love with him. I know there may be feelings that could hurt, but I wouldn't want him not to share them with me. Until you share your heart you can't heal. I don't know your mom, but if she really loves you, she will want to share everything with you! I think you should be honest with her, tell her how you feel!