[Bogie]

HI! My name is Heather. Our daughter is one month old. We were in the room for her birth, and stayed at the hospital for her entire stay there. Her birthmother has been amazing to us. She is always telling us how happy she is that we are Olivia's parents, and how blessed she feels to have us in her life. The problem is, I am having a really tough time "claiming" Olivia. She just doesn't "feel" like my daughter. I feel like a horrible mother, and don't know what to do to change this feeling. I've been praying continually about out. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you!
Heather

[susang2003]

Bogie,

My husband and I were there with my son when he was born as well. We were there for his entire stay. Not only did we stay there with and for him, but we did all of his feedings. Our adopted son was a big thing for me too. I was frightened, and knew I would be a failure , at least somewhere along the line. But my husband seemed to know exactly what HE was doing, and helped me in every way. We helped each other. I was scared, but scott told me if I would relax, and love Christopher with him in my arms, just the way I did in my heart, he would sense it, just as he sensed my nervousness. I loved that child more than my own life. The more time I spent rocking him, singing to him, talking to him, the more we bonded. If you would like to chat more, My e-mail address is in my profile.

[lucy2]

I'm a future adoptive mom and have worried about this also. What is it exactly you are feeling, or not feeling? I have read NUMEROUS books that say ALOT (not all!) of biological moms feel the same way you do right now! Especially your first baby. Is this your first? The books I've read say about 3 months old is where the timeline seems to be when you start feeling really connected with your baby. So, please don't worry! Let us know how things are going-we'd love to hear.... and CONGRATULATIONS!!!

[susang2003]

Oh precious one,

If you are a wanna-be mother, then you are going to have upside down butterflies in your stomach. Perhaps some women were just born to perfection, and just know what do do as soon as their babies came into this world, but I did not. However, I so loved him. Now, Christopher is four and a half years old. And he is mine. ALL mine. well, mine and daddy's. He is so very handsome, to me he is beautiful. When he came in to this world I gave him back to God, for God gave him to me. I am very blessed with this jewel. He is such a good boy. He is so affectionate. Loves to be loved, and I am sure that has everything to do with all the love he has been given.
Yes, Lucy, I was SO scared that I would do all the things wrong as a mother, but as it turns out, I just did as my mother did me. I discipline as I see fit, with firmness, yet much love, and Most of all we raise Christopher in a Christian home. Prayer is backbone of every mother's raising of a child. You must have God's guidence from day to day. That is what I did. I prayed, in the morning, afternoon, and night. I would even pray by his crib when he was sleeping. I loved him so. I just wanted that reassurance to know That my God was taking care of my little one, and that God would guide me as a mother. that I would do the things I should and that HE would give me the knowledge and wisdom to raise my child in these days and times. I pray that God will bless you and your family as well . If you are a Christian, the prayer is your best bet. If not, then prayer is still your best bet! Send me and email if you lik. I would love to hear from you.

[lkwelch]

When my son was born, I was not there for his birth. We were not chose until the day he was born. I held him when he was almost 1 day old.
We brought him home and my head was in a cloud. It was so weird! I prayed because I felt weird. NOt like I was his mother. Within 2 weeks we bonded and all fell into place. Now at 2 1/2 years old, I forget we adopted him. I feel as if I gave birth to him myself!
I have a friend who gave birth to her first child the day after I brought my son home. She said she felt the same way. She could not believe the hospital was going to let her take that baby home!! She said it also took her about 2 weekd to really bond. So I think we are normal!! All will be fine. Pray and have patience.

[khnath]

Hi
We had similar feelings and reactions. We chosen for our son when he was 2 weeks old, and brought him home 2 weeks later. It just didn't feel real. As we were going down the highway on the way home from the agency, I turned and looked back to see a police car coming right behind us. I was sure the police were coming to arrest us for baby knapping. Of course that wasn't it they weren't even following "us".

And for the first 2 weeks I found it difficult to use the name we had chosen for him; I kept referring to him as the "baby." It just took some time to realize that this was all real, and that we were "finally" parents. It was all so overwhelming.

I too have read and talked with my friends who all have bio. children, and they said they had no maternal insticts at all, and some said they sat the baby carrier in the middle of the room and promptly called their mom's. All of sudden there was this little person, and the whole realization of it overwhelmed them.

You're normal and your Not alone.

[Bogie]

Thank you all so much for your replies! It's nice to know I'm not alone. I continued to pray about it, and got up the courage to tell my husband how I was feeling. I can't tell you the difference I felt after I just talked about it. Olivia truly feels like my daughter now, and I couldn't love her more! Thank you all for your encouraging words and support! God's Blessings!

Heather

[ellia3]

HI. We were matched with our birthmom one week ago. We weren't in the delivery room, but the day my SW called me and told me that a birthmother had chosen us, but she went into labor early and had the baby before they could tell us about the match, this was the day I fell in love with my little girl. I fell in love with her before I ever saw her. I actually find it weird for me, that I feel like she is mine, over this past week at times I'm soooo excited that God has blessed us with this little angel to love, I forget sometimes that we are adopting her. My husband and I decided when we were first called by God, a year ago to adopt, that our love for this child would be no different than if she was biological. She is ours-she is one of the greatest gifts God has ever given us. She stole daddy's heart instantly, also. I have never seen a bigger smile on my hubby's face, than the day we find out we were matched. Pray and ask God for his help. One of my friends just had her second baby and I was telling her that I was soooo concerned that my baby girl will be in foster care and she will be 2 weeks old when she comes home. I told I was concerned about bonding with her since she was adopted, my friends words were to me-even when you give birth to a baby you still have to bond with your baby, she said to me, my son is 2 weeks old and I am just beginning to really bond with him. So whether you give birth or adopt , immediate bonding does not always take place, so what you are feeling is what any normal mother may feel. May God bless you and your new baby.

[Elayna72]

My situation is a little different, but I think you will be able to relate. My husband and I have adopted two girls, siblings 2 & 3 years old. From the time we were approved to adopt until the girls were in our home was one and a half weeks! That's not much time to prepare for two toddlers in previously child-free home.
When the girls came, I was both thrilled and terrified. I had never been a mom before.... could I do it? It was easy as far as loving them, but not so easy to keep up with all the work that comes with them. There were times in the first couple of months when I was really feeling the stress, that I would find myself wondering "what have I gotten myself into?" and "do I really want to do this?"
And then I would look at their beautiful little faces and my heart would just feel like it was going to burst, because I love them so much!
Spend as much time with your child as you can, and the bond will come. It did for me, and now it's hard for me to remember what it was like before we had the children. They are so special, and they are now a vital part of our family.
I hope this helps.