[lovestory]

I have followed this thread. I so respect you, musicmama. I wonder if I could 'stand fast' under that kind of pressure. My envying heart might lead me to give in to the demands of the bmom. BTW I believe the scripture you are seeking is: Ephesians 6:13: Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

You say your facilitator works for free? How does she do this? And how do I sign up? LOL (AZ also does not allow paying a facilitator...and we would not, anyways. My hubby is very adamant about not 'paying' for a baby. Just the agency, and other necessary costs.)

Please keep us updated how things go. When, again, is this bmom due?

Stephanie

[Teresa K]

Musicmama,

It does sound like this woman is trying to find a way to surivive in jail a bit easier by using an unborn child. I must agree with what you are doing, even when a bmom not in jail recieves living expenses I would doubt it incluces cigarettes or McDonalds.

BUT....to whomever came up with "talk to the warden", the woman is in a county jail, they have jailers and much less freedom than in the prison system. There is a big difference. Of course there are ways to get drugs and alcohol but if you are going to accuse someone of something that assinine get the facts first, call someone in the system or something. If she has cigerettes legally there is not the $5 charge to get one as in the prison system, they are allowed. No doubt smoking is not good for birth weights and causes premature births....but adoptive families are told these things. If it bothers someone that much they need to turn the situation down, not criticize and make demands to stop...the child is hers until the day the papers are signed and any reclaim time is up. If she is drinking or drugs which is not even what any of this was even about there are authorities to contact. No one has asked why she is in jail, people make bad choices and get caught, life is not perfect. If it was not for bad choices and/or poor judgement there would not be many adoptions. Musicmama, is this woman getting any decent counseling, to me it sounds like all she may be getting is free advice from other inmates. Has the attorney or facilitator offered her so much as a book on adoption? To me, and I have worked the system and majored in criminal justice she has no sense of right or wrong and there could be many reasons for this. It has been proven kindness and compassion help more than accusations , not saying you have, what she is doing does not sound legal. Is there anyway in that certain jail to have healthy foods sent to her? Would the jail allow her to go to counseling or meet with other bparents? I do wish you luck and feel you know what is right in this situation..but some of the other posters need to research then accuse. Teresa

[debsdone]

Teresa, I have a question. What did someone say that you took as an accusation about the b-mother? I believe there has been much speculation, many opinions, but I don't see the accusations. I don't want to offend, but if a b-mother is in jail, smoking, and demanding more spending money or else she will find new parents, I have no need to research anything. I don't know the woman, don't want to. It is a senerio on a message board. Offering opinions is a way of knocking ideas and thoughts around. Brain storming, if you will. If the b-moms name was being thrown about, then I would worry. This was about adoption costs and the, so called "values" of adoption. Not a "blast the birthmother" party. I truly am curious as to what offended you???? Thanks, Debi

[Teresa K]

Deb,,

I did not realize I was offended, nor do I see why you thought that. As you said, people are offering opinions......All I said was it is not realistic someone in a county jail is trading stamps and smokes for drugs and alcohol so why even go there as someone did. I stated my opinion for musicmamma to take or leave as everyone else did agreed with everything she is doing.

As a birthmother I think I am probably more aware of how we are often blasted than most. I do apologize to anyone who was offended by whatever it was. Happy New Years to All, Teresa

[debsdone]

I am really trying to understand some things here that I DON'T understand, that was why I asked. I wasn't sure what research was supposed to have taken place before an opinion was rendered. I surely haven't been offended and I am trying to figure out how to post without causing a problem. I think we all come from our personal position, hopefully we don't color all our opinions with our negative experiences. I am trying hard not to do that. As an adoptee, I have that position, yet my personal identity is that I am a MOM. So I tend to relate to the MOMs, adopted or otherwise. At least the mom's who seem like moms to me. THAT is another subject, LOL. Have a great New Year and thanks for replying! Love, Debi

[abigail]

WHY IS IT WHEN A ADOPTIVE PARENT OR POTENTIAL ADOPTIVE PARENT POST DURING A CRISIS SITUATION GOING ON WHERE THEY ARE EXPERIANCING PAIN, HURT CONFUSED AND FEEL REAL BAD AND NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO IT SEEMS TO ATTRACT ALOT OF UNESSARY STUFF. MUSICMAMMA CAME HERE FOR PRAYER AND SUPPORT DURING A VERY EMOTIONALLY DRAINING AND UNCERTAIN TIME CONCERNING THIS UPCOMMING ADOPTION. I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE THE THREAD BECOME A THREE RING CIRCUS. I KNOW EVERYBODY IS ENTITLED TO THERE OPIONION. BUT SHE CAME HERE FOR SUPPORT. THIS IS STARTING TO REMIND ME OF THE DAYS OF UNDERJULIE. JMHO

[Marfrey]

That's it, Abigail! It's undejulie that this latest "shoptree" reminds us of. Good grief... another one to report to the moderators. Thank you for posting!!!

[JoanneFromNYC]

undejulie=blueeyes=shoptree
They're all the same person.

Administrator...please check her IP and you'll see that she's the same person. Get rid of her so we don't have to *ignore* her posts anymore.

[JoanneFromNYC]

Oh and I forgot to add that in between she used the name darla something.

[JoanneFromNYC]

Musicmama...I just wanted to offer you a (((cyberhug))) and I hope things work out for you. Keep us updated please.

[evansmum]

ANYHOO..... back to the thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Musicmama, you've gotten lots of advice in this thread, although some has been thoroughly disected by other posters. It's up to you to take all this advice for what it's worth. It's advice from people that don't know you and probably will never meet you, but somehow... still have your best interests at heart when they post.....

If this is meant to be, it will happen... just believe that God knows what's best for you and your family, and He only gives to you what He knows you can handle, no more, no less. Trust me on that one, okay? Our oldest son died 2 years ago, and I never would've thought that I could get through that and still be a slightly "normal" person, but I'm here, and I'm okay..... and now Adam and I are foster parents, and hopefully will adopt sometime in the future. We are only going through Children's Aid, so we don't have any of the monetary worries about support, but we will probably wait a good 5 years after our names are put on that "list" for adoption (good thing we're young, huh???)

I want to wish you luck in this adventure. I am not going to give you my personal opinion on this birth mother, as her life choices are none of my business. I am also not going to tell you whether I would continue to support this birth mother and adopt her child, as that would be MY opinion, and my opinion should not matter to someone who doesn't know me. I will just tell you that I feel for you, and I will be thinking of you often. Lots of hugs......

[musicmama]

I had a much better time than it seems you all did posting on this thread!

Maybe I can "lighten" things up a bit with some non-adoption-related happenings.

We had our family Christmas today, and we had 27 people there...everyone in my immediate family except our dad, who passed away almost 7 yrs ago, and my adopted sister...(whole other story folks, and I'm tired-- maybe some other time)...

I got to hold my new grand-niece for the first time today... she is 6 months old and such a cutie! Of course, I'm not biased or anything! My 16-mo. old grand nephew was scared of me, and ran away or hid his head every time I tried to talk to him. I found out today that my 2yo grand nephew is slightly autistic, which is sad...he kept deliberately ramming his head into other people, or the wall, or the furniture, and kept beating up on his bigger brother...he seemed fine last Christmas, but a lot can change in a year's time. All told, there were 9 kids age 10 and under-- my youngest boy (4) is about the same age as my nieces's oldest boy (3 1/2), and they had a blast; my youngest niece is 9, and my three girls (6, 8, and 10) had a lot of fun playing with her all day.

We had a baked potato bar lunch with all the trimmings (mac cheese for the kids), little smokies, veggie trays, two kinds of pie, peach cobbler, and candy out the "wazzoo"! Then, we adults played a domino game called "trains" til our eyes were so fuzzy we couldn't distinguish the dots. (I didn't win, by the way. )

The teenagers played Mancala, Jenga, and some card game, then watched "Men in Black II"....STUUUUUPID movie!!!

One of my married nieces sustained a pretty bad gash to the head when a large knick-knack fell off the top of the video cabinet and "konked" her but good...her sister who is an RN assured her it didn't need stitches, but it *was* bleeding pretty bad, and she had a horrendous headache....needless to say that put a damper on her spirits for the rest of the evening.

My married nephew and nephew-in-law (in their 20's) want to come over to our house tomorrow to play X-Box with my two boys -- age 12 and 13. Oh, well, whatever trips their trigger, I guess. Maybe all of us ladies will just have to go shopping!

Now it's time for me to hit the hay!! Goodnight!

Musicmama