[Jesusnbach]

Hi all- We just brought in a 5 year old girl. We have a daughter who is 6 that is jealous over the new 5 year old and her relationship with our 19 month old baby. The new girl REALLY loves babies which has made the 6 year old treat both the baby and the 5 year old terribly at times. Any suggestions on what we can do as parents to get this situation turned around?

Brian

[kakuehl]

Have you tried spending special time with the 6 year old? Not rewarding bad behavior, but helping to assure her that she is not being replaced. Are there any special responsibilities/privileges that she can have because "she's the oldest?"

[Mom-2-2]

It is so hard, isn't it? No advice, just comiseration. Our 5 year old son really struggled with the addition of a 6 year old boy to our family. It's only been two and a half months, but things are improving. One-on-one time and continuing special privileges for him that he had before have helped, as well as just time, I think. We've also encouraged the two of them to bond and play together by setting up situations where they can help each other or teach each other things. I had moments where I really felt my patience has been completely sapped but I also know this is the family we're meant to be! Congratulations on your new addition!

[Barksum]

We've BTDT, too. It is difficult, but we did do the special time with the parents process, the older sibling privileges, etc.

We also talk about what God expects, even at this young age. One has to love one's brother (sister). If God expects us to do something He will give us the tools with which to do it, but we don't get to sit around and wait for them to fall into our hands! No, we have to pray and ask Him for special patience and to make our hearts willing to love Sis or Brother.

We also emphasize 'kind hands'. God wants us to use our hands kindly, not with malice, so we have to guard against doing what is wrong. We talk about ways to be kind all through the day. "What would be a kind thing to do for Daddy right now?" and then later, when we set the table, "If we put a flower by Mom's plate I bet that would make her feel happy." And then we do something like that for each family member as we have opportunity.

LOTS and lots of patterning the right attitude and talking about how we are to think inside, singing songs and talking about what the words mean...lots and lots and lots of time and patience. LOL

Was this magic? Did it work over night? Nope and nope. I still have one child who routinely gets upset about the younger siblings getting something that they don't, or about an older sibling getting to do something, or whatever. This particular child just needs a bit more time with Mom or Dad each day because their little "Love Tank" gets easily depleted. When we partner up together to do/say kind things for the others this is a way to spend some time together, in addition to patterning the right kinds of attitudes and actions. Then we also have time where do other things, too.

We have 5 kids, so one thing that they all CRAVE is time alone with one or both parents. This is a big deal and we do try to make time for this each week. (Haven't made it every day yet, but we do work to do it once a week!)