[rd200]

HI- a short intro... i usually post on the general support forum but me and my husband have 1 biological son, whom is 7years old and we had been TTC for almost 4 years unsuccessfully. We are DONE TTC and are waiting to be matched with a birthmom for 6 months now.

I often wonder when the pain on not being able to conceive will pass. I got pregnant unexpectedly when i was 17, and at the time thought my life was over. Me and my hubby had our son and 2 months later got married. (hubby was planning on asking me to marry him before we got the news anyways) I look back at that event now and think, WOW, god knew exactly what he was doing with my life and NOW i see why things happened the way they did. At the time i just couldnt fathum why on earth he was trying to "ruin" my life. Its not like i didnt want kids, i just wanted them a bit later in life. And i sure am glad that didnt happen cuz we would have none now, instead of 1. I just am having issues with getting over the hurt and the sadness of our infertility. We stopped fertility treatments 10 months ago after my failed IVF and i vowed that i was done after that. I honestly dont have any desire to be pregnant or to start treatments again or anything. i know that adoption is what i want to do and cant wait until we are matched.

Every once and while i just start crying for basically no reason waht so ever. Like, when i see pregnant people or when i think about people having babies, or when a friend calls me to say they are pg. it doesnt even have to be anything significant, i just start thinking about all the time, money, the effort that we put into having our dreams come true and then for nothing to work, and for my dreams to be crushed time after time, i get so emotional yet. I feel so unnormal!! like i should be over it by now. espiecally since we are adopting, i know that its only a matter of time before we get our baby, but i just cant seem to comprehend that. I know things will probably be different once we acutally have a baby, but i am so sick of being sad. I'm sick of feeling like i left my whole family down by not being able to have a sibling for my son and another child for my husband. And the worst part is that me and my hubby dont really communicate that well and i feel like he is long over the emotional toll of having kids that i should be too. How long do i sit here and say to myself that its normal to feel like this?? Its not that i'm depressed or anything. i'm acutally very happy most of the time and then all of a sudden these feeling will just jump on me and then i am a wreck.

Its hard for me to understand why God would let someone go threw the pain adn suffering of infertility. I know that the lord does what he does for a reason, but i cant see that reason right now. I feel bad cuz i dont think my faith is that strong right now becasue i'm angry at him for what he has put me and my family through. I sit in church angry at him when i watch the baptisms thinking that should be me, and my son or daughter! I believe in my heart that he will do what is best for my family but my mind is having a hard time believing it right now. ANy words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much, Rach

[Happywife]

We've been dealing with infertility for 3 years. The grief (anger, sadness, etc.) comes and goes. I used to bawl when I heard about people getting pregnant - especially those "whoops!" pregnancies. Those always got me. We're at a place right now where we are okay with it. We have a sense of peace about the fact that we won't have biological children. We used to SAY we were okay with that, but now we're at a place where we actually believe it. That's totally a God thing.

I don't have any advice. Just know that there are lots of us out there dealing with infertility. The more people I talk to about it, the more people tell me that they've also dealt with it.

Oh - and I'm a firm believer that it's okay to tell God you're angry with Him. He can take it, and He'll hold you in his comforting arms as you deal with the pain.

[mama_again]

In our own barrenness for those of us who cannot and will not conceive a child; there is emptiness, but there doesn’t have to be sadness with it. The Lord tells us in the book of Isaiah 54:1 we should sing; 'Sing, O barren, for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, says the Lord.' I would say how does one rejoice in this pain and lot in life?
I think it is a matter of our heart attitude, thanking God for the blessings in life no matter what lot we have been dealt, and reaching out to the many children that do not have parents or have parents that are void in their life; whether by their absence, neglect or abuse, whether by step parenting, adoption, or just outreach to the many needs around us such as; special need centers or local hospital wards, libraries where we can volunteer our time to be a story teller etc.

But how do we see women that can have the miracle of birthing a child and be happy for them? As hard as it is to attend these wonderful occasions such as; baby showers and countless birthday celebrations; it is just a matter of our heart. Being thankful for that life and happy for the family that will love and nurture that child as their own, no matter our own pain…I think we just have to put on a hat of love and thankfulness. It has helped me all these years, and now as an adoptive mom I get to relish in the joys of motherhood. Also, a step mom, missing the joys that come with birthing a child. God is gracious in each situation and just embracing it with a heart of gratitude helps one to get through the pain and sorrow… take it from one who has walked it out all these years… Just as Hannah in the Bible “as she surrendered to the priest the fruit of her womb, Hannah jubilantly sang, 'The barren hath borne seven.' (1 Samuel 2:5) Oh Hannah! Whatever do you mean? You have no abundance - only one, and even he has been torn from you. Hannah's vow of surrender unleashed the power of God. We can treat this as a burden, struggling, and afflicting ourselves - or we can unleash love and let snuggling into the heart of God become the beautiful experience he intends it to be. Can you imagine what that must have been like, to surrender the one child given to you? I am sure Hannah gave no place to bitterness and pain, just praise and thanks… I say let’s be like Hannah and sing….

[MrsSnuffy]

The pain may never go away to some extent, but the severity depends about how you handle that pain. While some will choose to grieve indefinately, others will choose to let God grieve for them and to let His will overtake in your life! God has an amazing plan for each of us and I pray that He is with your during your journey!

[stilldeciding]

I believe the pain will get bearable when you have a COMPLETE family! When God gives you the kids that our YOURS! It doesn't matter HOW they get to you..the important thing is that they DO! I experienced infertility, which was because of my DH. I was completely fertile yet even with help "I" couldn't get pregnant. I used to watch people have their "accidents" and then see them let their kids run the streets as soon as they could walk and I'd think..why them and not me. I mean, look how these people are raising these kids. I used to be sooo depressed and the reality would hit me as well, that I wanted a child and couldn't have one. You have to give yourself time to grieve and time for GOD to show you his plan. AND believe me he DOES have a plan..and someday you will understand why you had to go through what you went through.
It took DH and I, 3 years to FINALLY have our boys. I went through major fertility help, spent thousands and thousands of dollars and in the end had NOTHING to show for it. I was too young to adopt so that was out so I reluctantly just gave up. I went back into life broken and sad...and very emotional. Then one day I felt sick out of the blue...and I joked about being pregnant with a co-worker and low and behold I WAS... On our own with NO help. Right after going to my church and being prayed over for the infertility. But then within weeks, I M/C....I was then really upset. How could God do this to me, I thought..get me prayed over..and then miraculously get me to conceive on our own to just lose the baby. I cried at that point like never before. The nurse at the hospital didn't make things better either as she said...I feel bad for you but I have always been the kind of woman that my hubby could just look at me and I'd be pregnant. She really was very nice to me...but that comment really upset me further. Then I went home after the D & C...2 days later ...I was in my car and cried so hard..I could have wrecked. I was more down then I had been all the time "trying" but then God spoke to me and told me if I wanted a child to try immediately in 2-3 weeks and that I would have a chld...and then he said...but you must take them BOTH if you agree. I was confused. But like God spoke..I tried and I was PREGNANT AGAIN and 9 months later delivered my son. And ironically when it was time to try for number 2...one try on our own with a medically sterile DH and I was pregnant with our second son. It was two miracles to say the least.

Fast forward to today...My oldest is almost 13 and my youngest is almost 11. I felt DONE after having my boys...but then all of a sudden I felt like God was saying ONE more...so DH and I chose to try to adopt..as now...I am 37 and have health issues postpartum so pregnancy is doable but high-risk. So here we are waiting on God once again. We have many questions to God about where do we go in our life now? Did he put us through infertility to put adoption in our hearts? Are we still supposed to get pregnant again? I mean...we wait and wait....But while I do not always know WHY God allows us to go through stuff..I DO know this...with me, with you, with ALL people...God allows things to happen for a specific reason..to prune us, to grow us and to in the end...give us what we need..that maybe we didn't even know we needed. God is not going to be upset with you for being angry...but in the end, God is you Alli...your partner. Lean on him, even if all's you want to do is scream at him...I have been there..like you are right now. Because in the end if you stay WITH God..he will give you more then you ever thought possible and better then you could have ever imagined. Your faith is being tested right now..and if you stay with that faith...irregardless of the pain, the anger..etc...you WILL be rewarded! Just don't give up that dream of another child. God gave you a child when you weren't ready the first time and when you least expect it God will give you that second out of the blue. God would not give you a desire for another child if it wasn't going to happen...I believe it will! God Bless!

[Barksum]

For me the pain went away when I let it go. This was not after our baby arrived, even. One day I finally figured out that I had a choice to rip off the scab every time it started to heal up or to just let it heal and go forward, seeking contentment. Actively making myself talk about my contentment to myself. Instead of always holding the hurt close to me and making sure that I fed it and kept it going I started to make conscious decisions to not think about not having a baby in the same ways I'd been doing.

So instead of being sad when I saw a baby in a stroller at the mall I prayed for that family and the baby. And then I would stop myself from going on and on in my mind about how sad I was. I just...made myself not follow those thought paths. I then went to the next shop or did whatever it was I was there to do. When I started to feel sad and depressed I would stop and pray again. Sometimes I ended up praying an awful logt in a short amount of time, too!

For me a lot of the process of not having those agonizing episodes was to just not allow myself to fall into the same thoughts and feelings as I had been. I had to make myself think differently and to keep my focus on what God would have me do since I didn't have children.

I do have children now. It didn't happen overnight and definitely not in the way we'd thought at all. We had one surprise pregnancy and a horrid delivery during which both the baby and I almost died. It took a couple of years for me to recover fully. Anyway, then we went forward with life, knowing that we would not have any more children. Period.

Fast forward a few years...we were contacted by the state regarding a relative in foster care. We were not chosen as the adoptive family for that relative (another family member was) but we were eventually matched with a little boy. Three more children joined the family before we were Really, Truly Done. Now I find myself praying for contentment amidst the chaos! We have special needs kids and sometimes I wonder why God chose ME as their mother - but then, He does choose the weak and the foolish, right?

So whether God has children in the future for you or not you can find peace and contentment in pursuing His will for your life.

[rd200]

Thanks so much for all the posts. i sometimes feel like i am the ONLY one who goes through the pain and suffering. i know i'm not though. I just cant wait for the day that i can look at a baby and not think, I WANT that baby!! and then i have to try like heck not to cry. my feelings just creep up on me so much. i'll just be thinking about the adoption and i'll start crying because i'm so happy that we are finally able to have another baby, and yet the road to get where we are is not the way i thought it would happen nor was i expecting all the hurt and loss that goes with it. I honestly keep telling myself that once we have our baby i will be fine. All those feeling will disappear and i will be back to myself in no time. Am i just fooling myself??? i feel bad cuz i feel like everytime i yern and pray for another baby that i am somehow underappreciating the son i DO have. like my life isnt complete without another child, and yet, i do have a son, so why do i have to have a baby so badly??

Stilldeciding- thanks for your post, it does make me realize that God does do things for a reason. This may be a stupid question, or maybe one you cant answer, but HOW did God speak to you?? Like, literally speak to you?? or do you mean that figuratively?? I cant say that i think God has ever spoken to me, but maybe i'm just not listening! i'm serious, i'm not trying to mock. people often say.... God spoke to me... but i always wonder, did you like HEAR him?? or was it like a sign?? i pray night after night that he will help me with my grief and help me with decisions i cant seem to make, and yet i never seem to get any answers!! Maybe that sounds odd, but i have been praying for the same things for months and years and there arent any answers that i have seen!

i am very sick of being an emotional wreck and i am sick of feeling uncomfortable when all my girlfriends talk about how many babies they are going to have and how they are planning to start trying on this date so that they are due on that date. I hate to say it, but i am always the one that is the downer and says, I wouldnt count on anything... having children isnt always as easy as you think. Its not a rite... its a privelage. you are privelaged to beable to have kids. And then i feel like a big jerk but i cant help it!! I just cant get over feeling sorry for myself. And the worse part is... i have been having some issues with my son lately about him not appreciating ANYTHING he has, and about complaining about everything and yet, I am having a difficult time appreciating ALL I HAVE!!! i have a hubby, son, wonderful family, most of the time wonderful inlaws, great friends, we own our own home, we both have jobs, our health, (besides infertility) and we have food on the table. So what exactly am i complaing about i sometimes feel??


The desire to have children and be parents is one of the most fundamental aspects of being human.

This is a quote i came across while researching insurance coverage for our IVF cycle. IT is so amazing that one sentence sums it all up for me. Thanks so much for all the replys and thank you for your understanding and compassion. Rach

[stilldeciding]

So here is HOW God spoke to me. I didn't hear a normal voice like if you and I were talking. Here is the story:

In my life God has always spoken to me through Dreams, something or someone I met or a sudden voice IN my head saying something that I was NOT thinking.

When I tried to get pregnant for 3 years and finally did I was shocked but happy. FINALLY I would have a baby like a normal women. (today...I have a new idea of normal, just so you know) LOL Then as suddenly as I found out I was...I wasn't anymore. I was at that point so broken down emotionally. I felt like God was mean...how could he give me something and not let me have it after ALL I had been though. I WAS a wreck. And as I drove in my car one day, crying so hard...I finally cried out to God in utter obedience to him. It was like in my mind...I trusted GOD, then I Got angry with him for a long time, then I came to the point where I prayed and prayed hoping he would hear ME..then I got to the point, the anger didn't matter anymore...the sadness didn't matter...nothing mattered anymore..I was just a mess, my life was a mess. I was tired, exhausted and so done with fighting this. I came to the conclusion that I was not going to have kids. It was that day in my car just driving, just crying, talking and finally resolving myself to the fact...OK I am fine if I don't have kids GOD and I was..for once!!!! Then as soon as I spoke this to God and finally to ME...and really believed it...gave it up to GOD..I heard a thought of peace, words spoken IN my head..and it was said like this..."you will have kids but if you want the one...you must take the two....you will get pregnant in 3 weeks IF you want"

After that happened...I was shell shocked..but I KNEW it was God...because this amazing peace came over me like never before BUT I had to make the choice to "try" again. I was nervous...but amazingly I KNEW what I heard was TRUE. I had not thought I would try again...but I knew I would get pregnant. But I had to CHOOSE. And after all that I went through I wondered if I had the strength to even go through the emotional things I had so long gone through in the past. Dealing with Doctors had so taken its toll in my life...I couldn't even stand to go INTO a hospital yet to have a baby...that would be required.

Of coarse I did go through with it and I did yet again experience a lot of awful emotions dealing with drs and nurses..but I did CHOOSE to have not one child but two just like God told me. Once I chose the one, I knew I HAD to have the second, like God asked and I am so glad I did. I have today 2 of the most amazing boys I have ever known..they are the best.

Sometimes in life...it's getting to a point of giving up that God will FINALLY move. In my case..I like to be able to plan things and know what will be....so for me, my desires are usually granted by God in most cases...but the key is to SURRENDER to him and his timetable...NOT mine. And as a very impatient person and needing to know things...it is so hard. I have since learned that I NEED to lean on God, TRUST HIM...even when whatever I am going through is hard. I NEED to wait on him and KNOW that HE has the best plan...not me. And in my life, the past infertility is just one of MANY issues I have dealt with and always and I mean ALWAYS in EVERY situation that I have been through...trusting GOD has been the key. When I move on my OWN behalf nothing happens...when I let GOD move..amazing things happen. I wish I could tell you just how many times God has spoken to me, just how many times God has brought someone INTO my path to answer a concern I had or a lost prayer that I finally gave up...I can not count the numerous dreams I have had...to encourage me, and to give me hope and to SHOW me a part of my life that was or would be coming up.

When I did things WITHOUT GOD I got nothing..no miracles..just endless unhappiness and misery...and I was in that depression, that sadness and that despair for years and years. But when I had a life WITH GOD...doors opened up that I never in a million years thought could or would open up....things changed for the better, and lingering fears, doubts and pain eased and in some cases vanished all together. FREEDOM came where before I was in a prison of unhappiness. I put myself there..and God with his mercy, dragged me out. I always believed in God and years before I always trusted him. But life happens and time passes and though I gave up on God...he never gave up on me. I had to endure things without him...because I became hardened to life....hardened to him...How could he totally work in MY life when I no longer leaned on him, no longer was I dedicated to HIM..I believed the lies MAN told me. I believed Dr's..I believed HUMAN BEINGS instead of believing in the POWER and WISDOM and LOVE of God.

So here today, I stand on that...do I sway...do I do everything right NOW...not always...but TODAY I DO KNOW that GOD IS IN CONTROL of my life and I surrender to that..even when I don't want to. God only speaks in my life when I let him. Sometimes I speak more to him then I listen. I am still working on that. LOL
Just know that God speaks in different ways and its up to us to hear him. NOT hear what we WANT to hear...but truly hear what God is saying. Listening to God is like listening to your Parent...sometimes he will say yes and we get excited, but sometimes he will say no and though we get angry and stomp our feet..we have to know what he says GOES. I no longer hear what I want to hear, but hear what he says...and follow it. Because in the end, God will bring you what you actually need NOT what you thought you needed. So that is MY story. Sorry it so long....still working on all my talking.....

[mnmomma]

My DH is a big part of how I have come to terms with my infertility. There is a lot of adoption in both of our families, so he just approached it as a logical solution when we wanted a child. I was happy proceeding with adoption, but had this nagging feeling because I wanted to give birth. If he hadn't encouraged that we move forward, I never would have met my daughter.

When we were wrapping up getting certified as foster/adopt parents, I had a dream of a beautiful little AA girl with a loving and familiar smile. I just KNEW that she was my daughter. In fact, when our first placement was CC (like us), I knew she wouldn't be staying with us forever. :-) Once I had this dream, I knew that my infertility no longer mattered to me.

[micweaver]

I can relate to your sadness and I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I have a 5 year old daughter that took 2 years to conceive and fertility treatments. I had a son that was born in 2006 that died at one week old due to heart failure. It took 1 1/2 trying and then fertility treatment. After grieving for 2 years we decided to try again and started to do the fertility treatments and had a m/c and tried several more months with no luck. I remember crying to the God why I can't be a mother again. A voice said to me that you will have another child. This was before we started trying this last time. After trying with no luck I asked God how was I suppose to have another child should I do more fertility treatment or go for adoption. Please give me a sign. Well I saw 2 billboards about adoption, talks about it on the radio and a couple from our church adopted from the agency of our choice. We knew we were going for adoption but weren't sure if we should go through an agency or adopt through foster care. We are going the adoption agency route for an infant. I know if this is not the path he chooses for us that door will be shut and another one will come open. We are still in the paperwork phase right now and waiting on a homestudy.

[rd200]

Thanks for the kind words everyone! i dont know why i am struggling with this so much right now. i was doing alot better sooner after we stopped trying than now. I think its worse now cuz i was doing my IVF cycle at this time last year. On July 5th i found out it didnt work, i was more than devastated! and then a few hours after i got the news i found out my brother's baby was born that same day. He was NOT planned.Not that it makes a difference, but they werent even trying and got a baby! I feel really guilty about not seeing him in the hospital but i just couldnt go and see a newborn baby when i felt like my whole world was crumbling around me.

My friend has been dealing with infertility(not the same) as me, but she can get pg, she just cant keep a pregnancy. but anyways, it has been very comforting to have someone so close to me that i can talk with, and in the same regards to this, she told me a few months ago that she had put her life in God's hands and if things were meant to be, then they would happen. Well, she did get pg from their IVF, but sadly lost Twins at 9 weeks. And about 2 weeks after that she got a call from DFS (there doing foster to adopt) about a sibling set, ages 5 and 10 months old and within a few days they were having a sleep over with them and in the last month they are now permanently with them living in their home. The TPR is in the works i guess, but its like, the minute she gave her grief and her stress and her life to God, she was blessed with these children. i'm sure her miscarriage was NOt a blessing, but i really feel like i want to give everything ot GOD and let HIM worry about it, but i just dont know how to do that!

I am the type of person whom worries day and night. I have 100 different scenarios worked out in my head about how the adoption is going to go, etc. etc. i plan EVERYTHING. i dont fly by the seat of my pants, i have to control most situations, and i am VERY impatient. So the combination of all of those things are not very condusive to just "letting go". i know that God knows what's best for my life, but i think about it everyday so much that i just cant even imagine not worrying, or not reworking my budget 100 times or not calling my social worker about stupid things hoping she will give me an update to see if anyone is looking at us. I just cant get over it! i'm obsessed i'm afraid to say!! i was thinking about speaking to one of my pastors but i'm afriad they wont understand what i am going through considering that one of them has like 10 children, and counting, and the other is our Interim pastor while we get a new one. I almost feel like i need to talk to someone professional. but what are they REALLY going to do for me?? i'm not nuts or anything. That is why i come here, to vent, to share my emotions, and i always get some good advice from caring people whom know how it feels. Thanks so much everyone, Rach

[stilldeciding]

rd200,

You sound exactly like me! 100%! I worry, obsess over stuff and get very impatient. I wonder sometimes what will happen to me IF I DO find a child...I am sooo used to being on the computer day and night..looking, researching and waiting...that it will be strange when I don't have to do that anymore. Hard, maybe too. I also like to plan and don't enjoy flying by the seat of my pants either. I like to know what is going to happen with things and with adopting I wonder..will we get 1, 2 or 3 or more. I have endless questions with seemingly No answers. It literally drives me nuts for sure. I have no idea WHO if anyone to expect or how long the wait will be. I can't control this and that is hard. With infertility, it was very hard...but as long as I kept trying I was doing something...with adopting...I have to wait till a child shows up to inquire about that child. Sometimes I will find a child a day..then for weeks no one I am interested in is there and again it is so frustrating. But during this process I have learned so much more to rely on God...to realize that I NEED to be patient. If I took the first child they wanted to place us with...then what if that child wasn't meant to be OURS? I think right now...I just have handed this all over to God. I wait and see IF this is what he wants for me. I am trying, but then again...if nothing comes of it..it wasn't meant to be and I will be happy if God closes a door because that means I will be one step closer to him opening up another...just like the other poster said. Give it up to God and see what happens! As far as talking to someone professionally..if you need someone to talk to then there is no harm in that. When I struggled through infertility...I wrote down every thought..every fear...every pain in a journal...I wrote and wrote till the book was so FULL that I didn't know what to do with it. After I finally had my child I threw the journals out...for me..it was like turning the page of my life and moving on. It literally saved my life to write, as I was in such a dark place for a long time. For me, I am pretty private and loved the fact that I could admit things in my journal that I would never want to talk about..It was very good for me emotionally and WAS my therapy. But everyone is different. God Bless!

[Barksum]

ROFL I like to plan things, cover all possibilities and have contingency plans for any and all conceivable variables. I want to be In Control At All Times. (Can you say, "Insecure"? LOL) I had to have surgery and they were wheeling my gurney down to the OR and I was trying to sit up and make sure they were driving it the right way. LOL They finally just raised the head of the bed so I could at least lean back a little but still see where we were going. I'm bad!

I've been battling this for a long time. Interestingly enough, we've had very little control over most of our adoptions. We adopted children from foster care. We said what we believed we could handle, and what we believed we could not. We 'carefully screened' for those issues that we couldn't deal with. HA! (It really does make me laugh about it now, but painful process to get here!) We very carefully said no attachment disorder, no fetal alcohol, etc., etc., etc. We were absolutely unconcerned about any ethnicities or race, were open to mild mental retardation, and many other things too numerous to list. Anyway, guess what?

So we have four children, all of whom are somewhere on the drug exposure spectrum, from born addicted to probable exposure, but undocumented. We also have two who had mild attachment problems. (Mild. Sounds rather benign, doesn't it? ROFL)

So, I like to think that God has shown me my need to be more flexible, and that I am actually more flexible...and then something will come up and I'm right back up there, banging on the cockpit door, demanding to pilot the plane myself. Usually I'm trailing all my little pets by their leashes, too; all those worries that I just HAVE to hang on to, all the griefs and trials...phew. You'd think I'd know BY NOW to really, really just put it in the Lord's lap and LEAVE IT THERE.

[stilldeciding]

I am so like you...and even when I did conceive my boys...afterr 2 c-sections...WHILE still numb I was lifting my legs in the recovery room to get them to wake up faster. I had MY plan to get in, get done and get out of THAT hospital and guess what I DID exactly that. I have realized today to put things in God's hands...but I also believe that God made me WHO I am for a reason. I am hyper and a huge talker...but guess what that has been my biggest downfall and my best blessing. Though I have a big mouth I am able to help so many people BECAUSE I am so honest about all the things in MY life that I went through. I used to beat myself up for being me..now I realize and allow God to finally use my perceived weakness and use it for good. Because I have been through so much...I have been able to give others helpful information that changes THEIR lives. And the great thing...is because I am able to freely share my struggles and my pain...someone receives info that helps them and then that person is able to help someone else and the cycle continues. God would give me a burden to carry yet that burden saves others having to go through what I went through...because in the end..God always gives me a solution. Its just a hard process but always in the end...something good comes out of the bad. So though we need to always be following and trailing GOD in our lives..enjoy YOU...there is no one like you in the world and because of you....together we are able to learn things off of one another. Yes we SHOULD allow God to be the driver in our lives..but then again....we are all on a journey till we pass away...so God is going to allow things till we "get it" LOL

[Barksum]

Yes, we are individual and we each have specific temperments. I think it is making sure that our own character and temperment stay molded to the way of Christ that's the important bit. I also have a big mouth, and tell everyone everything that's going on in my life, and I do think that this has mellowed over the years a bit to where I do give my opinion but hopefully without riding rough shod over anyone. (At least I try...!) One family actually did go forward and want to adopt because of seeing our family and wanting to do something similar. I was VERY frank with them about what our struggles were and what to be aware of during the adoption process.

I also try to be sure that people DO know my shortcomings so that I'm not maintaining a facade and people do see the 'real' me. That's so hard because I'd love to have people think I have it all together!! LOL

One mom at church was so impressed with how organized I am and how well behaved my kids are. WHAT family was she mixing me up with?? LOL I told her that while I am fairly organized in general, there's lots of little bits that fall over the side, too. We do have quite a bit of chaos in our family and that one of the reasons the boys wear cowboy boots to church is that it was the only way I could figure out that not having their socks match wouldn't show. Ok, that's not the whole reason they wear cowboy boots, but it is a huge bonus! (We live in the rural West, so clean cowboy boots, nice jeans and western cut shirts is considered dressy.)