[mama_again]

Why is it that when someone says something about your child that it can totally catches you off guard? A college age student striking up a conversation for a few minutes said; Hmm cute kid. I said; thank you, we are very blessed… He then said; looks like she's adopted? I said as a matter of fact yes and we are very blessed. He then said 18 months? I said 18 months what? he was adopted then... He then asked; "Oh family didn't want her?". I said; as a matter of fact the opposite, birthmom is very much a part of her life... He said; didn’t envy me all those presents we had to buy. I then told him well she is very blessed as everyone is very much a part of her life… He then reached out and shook my hand and left… So did I miss a great opportunity or what to minister to this young man? Was he feeling unwanted? Oh he did say his mom was 62... so I guess for a mom my age was supposed to make me feel young??? Anyway, just sharing the story today because it totally through me off guard… I have had some looks, comments etc., but this was a first. I need to probably pray for that young man…

[sugarmuffin]

It sounds like you did the best you could. I know what you mean about being caught of guard because of comments. The one comment that always gets me is "she is so cute...how could her parents give her up?" We are so blessed to have our babies if only they knew!!

[jp4ga]

Originally Posted by sugarmuffin

It sounds like you did the best you could. I know what you mean about being caught of guard because of comments. The one comment that always gets me is "she is so cute...how could her parents give her up?" We are so blessed to have our babies if only they knew!!

I hate it when people say "She is so cute how could her parents give her away." The other one that people say is "shes not adopted, she looks just like your son." Well they do look alike, but that does not mean she is not adopted.

[Janeytwo]

I have wondered for some time now what makes people think that because a child is adopted that they have some right to make comments in the first place.

It must be so hard as a parent to have to put up with this.

I don't know how you guys keep your sanity some days.

Much hugs to you all!

[Barksum]

I think people don't really know what to say, so they fill in the conversation with something that pops into their minds. Generally I think people aren't trying to be rude, and often they want to convey that they're happy you've adopted and be supportive...but they're not sure how, and it kind of flops sometimes. (Other times there is an unkind intent, but that is not usually the kind of comments we receive.)

We had one person say, "Oh, I couldn't take another person's child." I smiled but inside I was wondering, "Does she think I grabbed this child from someone's arms? Or does she mean that she couldn't love a child not born of her own body?" In the end the message that we hopefully conveyed was the same: we love our children and feel that God made it possible for our family to be together.

[bajj]

Good answer Barki.

Janey, somedays are harder than others, some comments worse than others.

I think for me the worst so far was when a lady was looking at my holding my oldest son (when he was an infant) and she said, "How on earth could she just give away such a beautiful child?"

I knew her well but could not answer her. I pulled myself together and then sent her an email explaining how difficult the process is for all involved and how loved and wanted he is by more than one Mother.

I've also had the, "wow, you had to do no work and you just get handed a beautiful baby." Uh, right. No work at all.

Sometimes I want to ask if their feelings would be different if my children were ugly.

[nikkianni]

Originally Posted by bajj

I think for me the worst so far was when a lady was looking at my holding my oldest son (when he was an infant) and she said, "How on earth could she just give away such a beautiful child?"
I've also had the, "wow, you had to do no work and you just get handed a beautiful baby." Uh, right. No work at all.

I've heard both of these, the first one more than once and it puts me off every time. Even when it's meant as a "nice" comment, it's insulting. To DD, her bparents and to us.
Apparently bparents only "give away" (another one I can't stand) ugly babies? I do try to educate when possible, but sometimes the sarcastic in me comes out instead.

[Barksum]

We don't get the 'how could they give away such a beautiful baby?' comment because we adopted from foster care. We get the, 'So what is wrong with the child?' comment. Or 'What did the parents do to them that they were removed?' Um...well, you know, that's kind of private info....

We do get the 'no work' comment, though. LOL I have to admit that I thought that when we started in on the adoption process. I mean, no pregnancy, no labor, so ... how hard could this be? Just some paperwork, right? NOW I know differently and I do try to let people know when it comes up that it isn't what it looks like from the outside.