[jp4ga]

I am so past ticked off right now. We received an itemized bill in the mail from our adoption agency outlining fees for Sept, Oct, and Nov. The fees were phone calls from the bmom. And mailing fees for the letters and photos we have sent them.

The bmom calls 3-4 times a week wanting our phone numbers, address, email address and MORE letters and pictures. The agreement is currently 4 contacts per year, currently we have maintained contact 1 time per month. As of today that stops. We are being charged an average of $5.00 per phone call, which is around 100 per month. I see no reason why we should have to pay for calls she makes.

We also are being charged $6.00 to mail a letter. I send the letters and photos with postage applied, all they have to do is address the letter and put it in the mailbox. Why are they charging 6.00 per letter.

They have also indicated that she needs more counseling, and we should "step up" and pay for this. I agree she needs counseling, but we already paid for this, we are currently in debt 6000 to pay for her attorney, and now we are getting contact bills from the agency which will be ongoing.

I am really thinking about going to court to get this adoption closed. That way we won't have to pay for the contact fees. I would still mail stuff and would be willing to give her an email address so she could send updates. But having to pay the middle man is insane. Has anyone else heard of this, or been through this?

One more reason to throughly investigate your adoption agency prior to signing on the dotted line. Remember to ask questions about what happens if the court appoints you as the third party point of contact? We never saw this coming.

[Gwen72]

I have never been in this situation but we have done some things to try to prevent this from happening to us that I will share. I also wanted to give you a I think it's outrageous that the agency charges you $5.00 for a call and $6.00 to put an address label on a letter! Our agency doesn't charge for this. Our agency has you pay a set fee for bmom counseling up front. You pay that fee as soon as you are homestudy approved. Our agency's attorney represents the birthmom and will also represent you but if you want your own attorney you can hire him/her too. When we were first matched with an emom we got a PO Box and a 1-888 number and gave that info to her and she gave us her PO Box number and phone number. We got a 1-888 number because she lives out of state and we didn't want her paying long distance if she called us. We got a PO Box because we wanted her to be able to send pictures and letters to the baby too but we didn't want her to have our home address right up front. That match failed but we kept everything in place for the next emom. Maybe you could set up this type of arrangement so you could eliminate the agency. You could also set up a blog so she could see regular updates and she wouldn't be so anxious in between your regular monthly instalments of pictures and letters. In your next letter, gently remind her of your agreement and that you have lived up to your agreement so far and assure her that you intend to keep that agreement. Please don't close the adoption. Try to find a solution that keeps her updated but keeps the agency off your back too. Good Luck!

[Linny]

Debbie,
This is absolutely incredibly sick! ''Why should you''....is right!!!!! I've never heard of this in any adoption...and we've been doing this for a very long time!

Can't answer as to whether you should close an adoption or not; but the idea of keeping the agency out of it might be the way to go. If she's needing counseling and you've already paid for this-------why is this now YOUR responsibility?!!!

Not only would I be livid toward your agency; but I think I'd be at a point where I might not be able to totally trust them either.....

Good luck; and you have my sympathies......

Sincerely,

Linny

[kayder1996]

We're doing international so I dont' know about all the "rules" of domestic adoptions but I do not understand why you are responsible for her counseling costs. If you have paid for some initial counseling on loss/grief, etc. that seems reasonable. Common sense would say that you are not responsible for helping her resolve childhood issues, addiction issues, or dysfuncational family junk. I also think the mailing/phone call business is odd as well. At some point in time, the mom has to be responsible for herself be it paying for her own phone calls, following through on counseling, whatever. Should an agency help a birth mom? Sure. But when does this agency expect this mom to stand on her own two feet and really deal with the reality of the choices she has made both adoption related and just plain old life related?