[THESHORTBLONDE]

So... I never thought as a little girl sitting on my daddy's lap that I would ever be in this position...but here I am. I am 21 and pregnant.

I really want to do what's best for my child...but it doesn't matter how many people tell you what to do...it's still a hard decision.

I can only imagine being a potential adoptive parent...all the heart aches and trials you go through...but do you think maybe a few of you could talk to me?

I know it is so very personal...but I just can't help but think maybe...if I knew your story it could help me let go and do what I know in my heart is right. :-)

[kelceesmom]

First off you will get thru this. Take your time in whatever decision you make. It will last a lifetime.

Please remember that this is not a matching site. If anyone contacts you about adopting your baby contact administration immediately as this in not allowed on our site.

[kretzklan]

I can only relate my story and perhaps you can find something in it helpful to you. I was raised in a very strong spiritual family. I became pregnant at 23 - unwed - so obviously I was not following the rules set forth by what my family believed. The moment I found out there was no doubt that abortion was NOT an option for me. I could never do it - it goes against all that I do believe in. So, that left the choice of raising my child or making an adoption plan. I had to sit and make some big decisions. I was capable of financially caring for a child - not at that moment! I had a college degree and just hadn't been "motivated" to get a job. Although my mom kicked me out and told me I could not return with the baby - I did have family and friends who could help me get through. I chose to parent. Pregnancy was hard by myself...really hard. I felt alienated because none of my friends understood. Half my family was not supportive. When my son was born, the family came back and we started on the road to forgiveness for all of us. I raised him alone for over 3 years. Again, hard...very hard. I was in debt, I couldn't do it all on my income. I sometimes felt like his babysitter was raising him while I worked overtime ALOT. I tried to date, but many guys were scared off by a child. I learned quickly that a 20 something guy is not generally ready to step into a parent role. I met a man who is older than me. He was ready. I did not let my son meet him for quite a while. We married when DS was almost 4. He has step-parent adopted our oldest son. (btw, bio father was never in the picture...not on the b/c) We later felt led to adopt again and did - in 2005 we adopted two older children from Russia.
There are days I look at my son and wonder what the other side would have been like. Of course, my life is settled and happy now - he is happy and loved. But, I have to say that I still feel that had I made the other decision - to make an adoption plan - it would have all turned out OK. Of course, I can't imagine life right now without him. I have peace with the decision I made at this point in life. My son is a gift to me and would have been a gift to others in the other side of things. I just thank God that he is here...

[bajj]

Please take your time and consider all of your options. No one can tell you what is right or wrong for you. Research, pray and consider all options before making any decisions. You might want to bring your baby home for a week or two also and see if it parenting is the right option for you. This is a tough situation. I'm sorry you are going through it.


Take deep breaths. You are in my prayers.

[lovemy2boys]

THESHORT,

It's kind of you to think of adoptive parents...but right now you need to think of yourself and your baby.

Get counseling - non biased counseling. You'd be doing YOURSELF a disservice if you don't.

We've adopted twice. One of our boys firstmoms is at peace with the decision she made to place her son. Our other son's firstmom is not...and it's something she struggles with every day.

I'll be praying for you.

[Cortneycakes]

Hello,

I first want to tell you that I am so sorry you are having a hard time, but i do not know any birthmother considering adoption for their child who wouldnt. Women like you amaze me every single day. The strength and courage you have to do what you feel is right for your baby. Regardless of wether or not you decide to parent your beautiful baby or not, you are his or her mother and will know what is best.

My Story:

My name is Cortney and my Husbands name is Bryan. We have been married for 4 years, and ever since we have struggled with infertility. I knew from the get go that i would have some problems due to a disease called Polycystic ovarian syndrom. This basically makes it difficult to ovulate. I thought that i would be able to take some medicine to help me out and we would be pregnant in no time. That didnt happen, i went through countless medicated cycles and two operations that brought us bad news. I was born with my liver and intestines outside of my stomach, only being given 10 percent chance to live. I myself am a miracle baby. They corrected the birth defect and i had lead a normal life up until the two surgeries which revealed news i never ever wanted to hear. The scar tissue from the surgery to correct the birth defect had damaged my ovaries and fallobian tubes. The damage could not be fixed and was told that my best bet would be IVF. I started seeing a DR. in my home town for the IVF. He insisted on doing one more operation because he throught he might be able to fix what was wrong. Instead, becuase of him, i almost died. He damaged my small intestines and didnt know it, sewed me up and sent me home. I was admitted back to the ER the next morning, being told i may not make it out of surgery. I had gone toxic, and the infection was really bad. Needless to say i am still here and i am completley heathy, Thank God! We waited two more years before we decided to try for a baby again. After the scare we had, we took the time to enjoy eachother. In March of this year, i started seeing a dr for ivf again. This dr was two hours away from my home town. I went through the ivf ok, but had some complications. On July 14th i found out i was pregnant. I will never forget how happy i was, and five days later, i was told that the baby had stopped developing and i would miscarry. We were completley devestated. With all the complications infertility has brought along with the emotional rollercoasters and feeling like my body just isnt cut out to do this pregnancy thing, this is when we decided that adoption was the path that God has laid before us in order to build our family.

That is my story, i dont know if it helps you much. You are a very special person with a very special baby. No matter what choice you make, you will still be the best mama ever. If you need someone to talk to, dont hesitate to pm me. I am always around.

[wantaskinbaby]

Oh THESHORTBLONDE, I feel like I have to reply and I don't even really know what to say, so forgive me if I ramble a bit. I am a hopeful adoptive parent with a foster son whom I love like crazy! Our foster son's mother is still working through her decision on whether or not she wants to parent, so I know that it can take a long time to make the decision on whether to parent or to place a child for adoption.

A word of wisdom about hopeful adoptive parents: sometimes, some of us can get so caught up in how much we want to give a child, we can sometimes forget that birth parents have a lot to give a child as well. Another thing to remember: material possessions and education do not make people better parents or more deserving parents. If that were so, then Bill Gates and all the PhDs in the world would be deserving of all the children out there and people without as much materially or educationally would be left with lots of love and no children.

I agree with others who have posted. Please, please, please take your time, research your options and THEN make your decision. I want to know that the woman who gives my child life and who has loved him and cared for him for the first 9 months of his life has taken the time that she has needed to make the decision to place him for adoption.

Also, remember that the choice that seems easy may not be the choice that is right. Often, I have found that the "right" thing to do, whatever that may be in your situation, is the hardest thing to do.

IF you decide to place your child for adoption, I would encourage you to get to know the family with whom you want to place your child very well.

If you decide to raise your baby, remember that you CAN do it. I have seen single mothers raise their children by themselves and I have nothing but admiration, love and respect for them because they have made many, many sacrifices for their children and their children are better for it.

Please remember, no matter how tragic or sad the story of a potential adoptive parent, it is NOT your responsibility to ensure that those potential parents get a child. God will take care of that in His own time and in His own way.

It may also help for you to read some of the books that are traditionally recommended for adoptive parents to read. It can help you see what kinds of challenges some children face in relation to adoption and can also help you see positive results of adoptions as well.

I'm not sure that I've helped, but I want you to know that you will be in my thoughts and in my prayers. I wish that I could give you some hugs. I suspect that this is a very frightening and confusing time for you. There are birth mothers on this site who have had both good and bad experiences with adoption and I would encourage you to learn everything that you can from them, remembering that only you know what will be best for you and your baby.

[Gwen72]

Hello, I am a birthmother who placed my son for adoption many years ago and I am a hopeful adoptive mom. My best friend in the whole world was adopted. It is a unique experience to see adoption from all three sides of the triad. I can tell you that making the decision to place my son was very hard even knowing it was the right decision. I was in high school. Both my parents and three grandparents were alcoholics. My parents said I could not live at home if I kept the baby. The birthfather denied it was even his baby. The birthfather's father was an abusive alcoholic and his mother was dying of breast cancer. Even if the birthfather had not abandoned me his family couldn't help. Do you see why adoption was my only option? I found the parents for my son through mutual friends of my grandparents. They sent a few letters and a few pictures over the years and my grandparent's friends kept us up to date about him. I had the luxury of knowing where he was and how he was doing which was extremely rare then but very common now. Even though I know he has had the wonderful life I wanted him to have but couldn't give him it's still hard. I am sad that I was in the position that I Had to place but not sad that I Did place. Does that make sense? Today, I have a wonderful husband and extended family. I live in the suburbs with a fenced in yard and a dog. I can give a child the life I wanted my son to have and that's why we're trying to adopt. I want to help another young woman and her baby like I was helped all those years ago. If you do decide to place your child for adoption, you can pick a family who will send pictures and letters and even be open to visits if that is what you want. If you work with an agency they will give you a stack of profiles to go through and help you pick a family for your baby. You are in control. If you decide to keep the baby I hope you can get help from friends and family. If not, try to find a support group for single moms in your area. Contact a local women's shelter to see if they can point you in the direction of social services you may qualify for. Contact a local church to see about low cost daycare or help with formula and diapers. You will make and remake this decision many times and may change your mind again once the baby is born. It's a rough road with many challenges and sacrifices no matter what you do. I wish you luck with your decision. If you need someone to talk to who's been down this road and lived to tell you can always PM me. You should also check out the birthparent forum here and talk to more women who have placed to get their perspective too. Good Luck with whatever you decide.

[Mkap]

reading your post gave me goose bumps. I feel for you - being in a position, not certain what to do, looking for answers. I am a hopeful adoptive parent. I am currently fostering a beautiful angel of a baby that we have had since she was 3 days old. Her mother has so many problems and can not properly care for her. But she is trying. Our hearts break for her and her baby and for us. We can't have children of our own but have all the love in the world to offer. My advice to you - take your time, there is no rush in this decision. Look at all of your options. Talk to someone about your options. Open yourself up to the possibilities, all possibilities and see where the journey takes you. I wish you peace in this process.

[ourdreamcametru]

I'm an adoptive mother of a beautiful little girl who is 4. I would be glad to be a shoulder to lean on if you need it. I would also be glad to share our side of the adoption story, you are welcome to pm me anytime!

[melissa_bear003]

I just wanted to let you know that I read your message, and I pray that whatever your decision is, that you are graced with the love and strength you need.

[kakuehl]

I am a birthmother not a perspective adoptive mom. (Click on the link in my signature to read my story.) D was born on my 21st birthday. While I still believe adoption was the best choice, I want you to know that adoption does not make everything go away. You will be forever changed. (You are already forever changed.) I encourage you to learn as much as you can before you make the decision that is right for you.

[mommy2been1007]

I am an adoptive mom to a 9 year old boy. We adopted him from birth and it was the most wonderful experience we have ever had. I can't express in words how it felt to hold him for the first time. If you want to know more about our adoption jouney or just want to talk with an adoptve mom please feel free to pm me anytime.