[035568]

I posted this in the birthparent forum too..

Hello, I'm an adoptive mother of a beautiful baby boy. My husband and I are in a semi-open adoption and both birthparents signed their rights away. We were lucky enough to meet his birthparents and I care very deeply for them and love them with all my heart. They are wonderful people.

Now onto my question.....My husband and I have had our baby for almost 2 months now. I feel like I have been a great mom to him, but my husband has all of a sudden turned into this monster. He is very jealous of me even getting near our baby. He's been very abusive to me both physically and mentally. He has not hurt our son in any way, but I feel like I want our baby out of this situation and I will do anything to remove him. I want to get as far away from my husband as possible. My son does not need to be around this garbage. I'm having a hard time because the adoption is almost ready to go to finalization and I dont' know what to do. I could wait until finalization and then divorce him and fight for sole custody, but I don't want him be around him at all. My other option is to tell the agency about it and I assume they will tell the birthparents. Would the birthparents make that decison? What would you decide if this happend to you? I want to adopt him just myself and I'm such a great person and my family and church loves him so much. I can't imagine my life without him. I would be devastated. I can provide for him financially, emotionally and give him everything he needs. He would have male figures in his life such as my dad and brother who are great. I just want what is best for my baby. I love him more than anything in this world and I'm willing to fight for him. I work full-time, but my boss just informed me that I can work from home so I could be home with my baby. Can any of you birthparents tell me how you would handle this if it were presented to you. Keep in mind that I love him and if it meant losing him, I would have to accept that, but I just want him to be safe. He would be safe with me and if I contacted the agency before finalization, then if the bps decided it was ok, then my husband would not have rights, only me.
__________________
Signed with Agency on 3/13/06
Began Home Study on 3/21/06

[bajj]

Did he show any signs of being abusive before you brought ds home?

I would hope he would go and get some help, but I would say for you you need to find a safe place and also contact the agency.

[035568]

Before we got our son, my DH was just fine. He was even praying to God a lot that we would get this baby before we got him. He's pretty much just become different toward me. He holds our son and loves on him and acts crazy about him, but he doesn't want me to have anything to do with him and he's become very controlling and saying horrible things to me and fighting with me. It's almost like he wants me out of the picture. I was reading my adoption paperwork and it did mention that if there is anything like this includin divorce, that the child will be taken from our home. I have done nothing to deserve this and love my baby more than anything and because of my DH, I'm about to lose everything. I'm starting to get a taste of what Job must have felt like. I will be losing everything.

[bajj]

Maybe you can suggest counseling? Something is going on with him for this to come up so suddenly. He might need to have medical issues ruled out, too (thyroid, etc.).

I'm sorry!

[feelingreyt]

Obviously you don't need to stay in a relationship where you are in danger. But if there is a way he can get help and find out what's going on with him, that would be my first choice. If it were me, anyway. Since you stated he was loving before and this has all come about suddenly, I would encourage you to talk with him about a psych evaluation or even a visit to his regular MD.
Good luck and God Bless

[EZ2Luv]

I replied in your other thread too You need to GET OUT and get out ASAP. You are placing yourself and baby in danger. Your husband has crossed the line and his behavior is unpredicatbe. Look at it this was, if you stay there is a chance DPS will take the baby anyways. You need to contact your attorney and the agency and then go from there. But first and formost is a saftey plan. Also, your home study is no longer acccurate so when you do go in front of a judge if by chance there ever is police involvement you can be charged with perjury. Either way the truth is bound to surface, better it come from you. Who know this may work out in a way you least expect. At least it will show that your priority is the care and safety of the baby.

EZ