[rascalchico]

I am in the process of adopting from the foster care system. I am single, never been married and 37 years of age. I cannot have my own children. I was a former foster child myself and was adopted. I believe that this is what God has for me.

Anyway, I am planning to adopt a special needs child. I am looking at a 9 year old female that has severe emotional and mental issues.

I am thinking that I cannot parent this child as I would tradionally parent a child that has not been through abuse and other major issues. I would think that spanking is certainly out of the question. So, can someone recommend to me a good book or give me some good thoughts on parenting a child like this?

[bajj]

You might try cross posting this on the Special Needs forum, they probably have a lot of good ideas for you.

[Synesthesia]

A late edition of the Discipline Book by Sears?
He's really compassionate when it comes to children and disciplining them. He really believes in trying to understand a child. There's also a site I'm on a lot called Gentle Christian Mothers filled with women who can give great advice on how to be proactive with a child in terms of discipline, but also not to resort to hitting or other things that are punative.

Originally Posted by rascalchico

I am in the process of adopting from the foster care system. I am single, never been married and 37 years of age. I cannot have my own children. I was a former foster child myself and was adopted. I believe that this is what God has for me.

Anyway, I am planning to adopt a special needs child. I am looking at a 9 year old female that has severe emotional and mental issues.

I am thinking that I cannot parent this child as I would tradionally parent a child that has not been through abuse and other major issues. I would think that spanking is certainly out of the question. So, can someone recommend to me a good book or give me some good thoughts on parenting a child like this?

[bajj]

I am sure there are a lot of good suggestions there, but what we need to remember, is a child who has experienced a lot of trauma more than likely will not respond to discipline in the "normal" way. I'd say check out those suggestions and also go to the special needs forum.

Please keep us posted! You are in my prayers.

[atouchofheaven]

"Connected Child" awesome book, especially for older kids with traumatic experiences. i highly recommend it!

[rascalchico]

Good luck! Do you have an agency you are planning to go with yet?

[Barksum]

I would suggest doing tons of research regarding attachment disorder. If you are adopting a child with 'severe' emotional and abuse issues you are going to be in for a very rocky road. Not that you shouldn't do it, but you need to be very prepared ahead of time.

The key to working with a child who does not trust adults is being extremely concrete, consistent, and predictable. If you say it, you'd better mean it and be ready to follow through. (Positive, negative, or neutral.) Children respond to trauma in a different way than just miniature adults, so be prepared for that, as well. Research what kids do when they grieve, for instance. Lots of things to consider.

If you are unsure about the level of trauma and emotional problems a child has it is ok to step back and withdraw from consideration. (Preferably before the child moves in with you.) It's good to know your boundaries and (generally) cw's look on this as maturity and insight on the part of the prospective a-parent and not as a negative.

We've adopted 4 children from foster care and my Dh was raised in foster care. Feel free to PM if you wish.