[zebramom]

My little girl had a visit with her first adoptive family today. She came to us from a disruption and had an awesome family. This family has her biological brothers, and we have an "open adoption" situation so that she can have contact with her brothers.

I do believe she loves her brothers. When it comes to her previous parents, I'm not sure how she feels, and they have an older daughter who is out of the house and married and has a child. Shorty can not tell me the name of the child but says that she loves him a lot. She barely knows this child as she only saw him once before she moved to our home. He's only a year old now.

I was trying to explain the difference between loving someone and caring about someone. I don't know if I adequately did this, but here's what I said.....

When you care about someone, you don't want anything bad to happen to them, and if something did, you would pray for them.

When you love someone, if something bad happened to them you would feel really, really yucky inside, you would pray whole bunch, and you would want to be with that person and help as much as possible until that person felt better again.

Shorty is 6, but is very smart for her age.

How would you describe the difference between the two?

We also talked about feeling like you're supposed to miss someone rather than actually missing someone. Then we talked about what it feels like to miss someone rather than just thinking about them. Some big discussions for a little kid.

[bajj]

Zebra, I just wanted you to know that I have read this and will reply more when I get the chance, which may not be until after Thanksgiving week.

[skyeanjel]

I believe love is an action. The bible speaks of "loving: your enemies..does this mean you will feel love? No, it means you are to show love...action.. I am adopting a 12 year old girl that I will love. I am not fostering, I am just adopting. I will not send her back if she is bad, I have made the choice to love her whatever happens. Do I feel about her as my own children? No. Not yet, but I know I will as long as I show her love. I believe this is how we love our birth children. We expect to love them, take care of them and then love them, same with pets etc.
If your child chooses to love..let her...theres no downside.

[bajj]

i forgot to get back with you! I am sorry! I am short on time right now, too. I will try to get back soon.

[bajj]

These are difficult things to try to teach, zebra. I understand that some kids do not get what they need developmentally at a young age and do not learn emotions naturally. I think you are doing a wonderful job explaining it to her.

I have thought and thought and just can't come up with another way to explain it to her! I think caring is a form of love, but that might get quite confusing, too.

Tough questions for daughter and mother, huh?