[bajj]

I am frequently asked, as a Christian Mom, if I consider spanking as part of discipline.

I am choosing to not answer how I feel just yet. I am very interested in reading other people's views on disciplining children in a Christian manner. Should spanking be involved? Time-outs? Loss of privledges? All of the above?

Thanks in advance for participating!

[Vogi2002]

I don't see spanking as against the Christian views, I do see "beating" or that being your ONLY means of discipline as extreme.

I grew up with spanking as a punishment, and I think it is all up to the child, some kids respond, some don't. I am not going to spank except for a last resort. But I have a niece that LITERALLY does NOT respond to any other means of discipline, and one who does great with others....I DO think the key to ALL discipline is consistency.

I would be interested to hear what others say also...

[BuckarooBanzai]

Corporal punishment (CP) is part of a parent's arsenal.

The biggest issue is what works well for each child. My oldest would take CP over the loss of privilages or having an ealier bedtime. I don't remember when he last received CP.

We are still looking for that right punishment or combination that will work for our youngest. Everything gets an overreaction from him and the reason for the punishment is quickly lost. But he is only 3 and will SCREAM about anything.

[HappyTwinsMom]

We have spanked occasionally, but it doesn't work with our girls. We usually use loss of privileges, time outs or a dab of Tabasco sauce on their tongues. Any of those work pretty well.

[NJNative]

I think that is really a terrible thing to do to a child, and may be considered abuse by social services in many states.

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I have to wonder how many people read this post...like I did...and waited for others to reply before they did...like I did.

I think society has lumped spanking in with abuse...and I don't agree that it is one in the same. BUT, with laws such as the recent California law that makes spanking your child a crime and punishable by law...those of us who agree to the extent of which a spanking is a spanking a not a beating are afraid to stand up and say YES, I spank my children.

One example I have...my oldest went thru a biting phase. I spent a month trying everything I could to prevent him from biting his brother, sisters, us...everything! Finally I broke down...and did what I had been trying not to do...I bit him. I myself was more devistated than I think he was...but he looked at me, looked at his hand, rubbed the spot, and has not bitten anyone since.

There are times when we are in public and my children may act out. People look at me like "are you going to control your child?" I even had one woman...as my son decided he didn't want to walk, but rather hang by his arm until I picked him up...come up and talk to 'my son' (2 yrs old so she was REALLY talking to me) and say "now, you stop that, you are big enough to walk. But then why should you when your mother will just carry you?" I was so taken aback that I couldn't even come up with a good comeback. But, as a parent, One can only do so much in that situation because had I given him a swat, she certainly would have had a comment for my having spanked my child.

Parents just can't win!

[ourdreamcametru]

Yes! "Spare the rod, spoil the child"
With that said, it is only a last resort in our home, our oldest two have maybe been spanked 4 times each in their lives and they are 17 and 13. There is a difference in a spanking and a beating. After a spanking we always go back and explain to our children that we love them and that we tried to do everything possible to get them to understand or do right before spanking. We make sure they know why they were spanked also. We are very involved, hands-on parents with all of our children and believe they respect us. My husband and I were also both spanked as a last resort as children. I personally believe in punishment for doing wrong and to me sitting in a chair for a few minutes is not punishment. I believe punishment has to be something that you will remember so that you don't make the same mistake again.

[bajj]

Proverbs 13:24 actually says, " He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly."

We love our boys. We don't beat them, though, and there is a difference. We also do not spank out of anger, and if we do, we let them know real quick that Mommy or Daddy was wrong.

I also agree it depends on the child. Spankings (at least from me) do not phase my oldest son. Now a spanking from Daddy, that will. For me, I have to take away privledges for my oldest. My youngest, a simple go to your room does the trick. He can not stand to be sent to his room and he generally corrects his behaviors after being sent.

[lovemy2boys]

We actually had to sign a "contract" through our agency before our children were placed that said we would not spank our kids. Our boys are almost 4 and 6. When they do misbehave, we usually revoke priviledges or take away toys, which to them is more painful than anything else (lol).

ourdream...I saw a show on the religion channel recently that focused on the "Spare the rod spoil the child" sentiment. Their explanation was that although many take that to mean that in the sense of "spanking", their spin on it was that centuries ago, shepards carried a rod when they tended their flocks, and that as the "rod holders", they were in charge of the sheep - they were the leaders. The theologian on the show said that parents should be like the shepards and "lead their children" - not the mainstream meaning of spanking. I am not saying that I believe it or not, I just thought it was a very interesting interpretation that I had never heard of.

I'm interested to see what others have to say!

[HappyTwinsMom]

I think that is really a terrible thing to do to a child, and may be considered abuse by social services in many states.

NJNative: Yes, I really do - and it works for them. We've only had to do it two or three times and now the mere warning changes their behavior. Feel free to turn me in to social services if you like. Sorry you think it's terrible, but in my opinion it's much better than hitting a child (which is what spanking is). You didn't mention what form(s) of discipline you use.

Bug-n-Bears-Mommy: My dad still tells the story about how he got me to stop biting. I was about two years old and they tried EVERYTHING. Apparently, I just indiscriminately bit everyone! Finally he gave up and bit me on the arm. Said it left teeth marks but didn't break the skin. I never bit anyone again after that.

[LibbyHawkins]

Originally Posted by NJNative

I think that is really a terrible thing to do to a child, and may be considered abuse by social services in many states.

Pleaseeeeeeee, almost anything can be considered abuse. A "dab" of tobasco is not like pouring it down their throat.

I'm sorry I missed the part where you added something useful to the thread, could you tell us how you disciple???

[HappyTwinsMom]

A "dab" of tobasco is not like pouring it down their throat.

You're right, Libby, and a "dab" is all it is. I put a small drop on my finger and touch it to the end of their tongue. They don't like it, of course, but that's the point.

[kelceesmom]

For me I believe if a spanking is necessary than a spanking it is. It is my last resort but I do spank. I do not want my child thinking that her behavior is ok because I will not discipline her. It also depends on what is that she has done. I want a child that is learning good behaviors. Like all the rest a spanking is very different from a beating.

[mama2-8]

Originally Posted by bajj

I am frequently asked, as a Christian Mom, if I consider spanking as part of discipline.

I am choosing to not answer how I feel just yet. I am very interested in reading other people's views on disciplining children in a Christian manner. Should spanking be involved? Time-outs? Loss of privledges? All of the above?

Thanks in advance for participating!

Every child is different but there is nothing wrong with spanking in my opinion. Of course not out of anger, or to insteal fear, but as a discipling meathod. I have eight children, and some never get spankings, but then again I have one that got several when she was young.

The Journey

[mrsred]

I have spanked, but usually don't. Our oldest has only gotten a couple, as a last resort. Our 11dd for awhile said she wanted to be spanked rather than time outs or loss of privelige... but I quicly realized she was using it to manipulate. Our 8 yr old son has anxiety issues... a spanking is counter productive for him.
I don't have anything against spanking per se, it just doens't work in our family.