[RainDrops]

In May 2006, we brought home our first foster children. Girl was 2 (Turned 3 in July) and Boy was 12 months (currently 18 months). My husband and i have been married since 2000. We have no other children. I have done a lot of child care and raised 2 teenagers off and on. I think I got used to being just the two of us more than I thought. Going from 0 to full time 2 children has and is very overwhelming. Im learning more and more as I go but sometimes I just feel like im not doing good enough and I feel alone/scared/confused at times. So many ups and downs!

Has anyone else went through this? Thank you.
- Rain

ps - we are adopting these beautiful children!

[DianeScraps]

Hi & Congrats on your little ones!

Overwhelming really doesn't begin to describe how I felt when this started. Our girls were 4 & 7.

We had never had young children in the house, and had been married nearly 12 years.

The 4 yr old did not sleep through the night more then 2 nights in a row ( and even that was a rareity) for more then a year. Many many nights I was up 3 + hours a night.

In our case we have several mental health issues with the 4 yr old too, which brought additional challenges.

I had to learn that I NEEDED support, I am lucky enough to have a family friend that is also a foster parent, and had BTDT (been there done that)

I also had to have support for childcare. I will never forget the first day I broke down in tears and had to call my mom to come get the 4 yr old.

I have many times had to force myself to sit down and think about the accomplishments, and milestones that the girls had reached. For instance when my girls moved in they made very very racist remarks ALL the time, they used lots of sexual innuendos, and they were deathly afraid of the police (hid when a cop would drive by), the 7 yr old had major problems in school the year prior to moving in (dancing on her desk, calling out, etc etc etc)

Diane

[RainDrops]

Originally Posted by DianeScraps

Hi & Congrats on your little ones!

Overwhelming really doesn't begin to describe how I felt when this started. Our girls were 4 & 7.

We had never had young children in the house, and had been married nearly 12 years.

The 4 yr old did not sleep through the night more then 2 nights in a row ( and even that was a rareity) for more then a year. Many many nights I was up 3 + hours a night.

In our case we have several mental health issues with the 4 yr old too, which brought additional challenges.

I had to learn that I NEEDED support, I am lucky enough to have a family friend that is also a foster parent, and had BTDT (been there done that)

I also had to have support for childcare. I will never forget the first day I broke down in tears and had to call my mom to come get the 4 yr old.

I have many times had to force myself to sit down and think about the accomplishments, and milestones that the girls had reached. For instance when my girls moved in they made very very racist remarks ALL the time, they used lots of sexual innuendos, and they were deathly afraid of the police (hid when a cop would drive by), the 7 yr old had major problems in school the year prior to moving in (dancing on her desk, calling out, etc etc etc)

Diane

Thank you for the encouragment! I really need it.

[Yash]

Rain,

Congrats on the kids! Having kids in the house is a big adjustment, a lot different than having kids coming over to visit or stay temporarily. When you have kids home with you 24/7 it becomes a completely different ballgame.

You are a fine mom. Motherhood can be overwhelming. At times it can be frustrating and maddening. During those times, I remember how all my life I wanted to be a mommy and how much I adore my munchkin. Though to be honest that's hard to do sometimes when it's 2AM in the morning, you're sleepy, and you've got two crying kids who both want you to hold them only and not the other one.

Vent here. If your agency has a support group definitely join it. Yesterday I was freaking out over something and I called the former leader of my support group and she completely understood.

You're doing a great job.

Keep your head up,

Yash

[Linny]

I highly agree with the posters before me. Let me add this too though:
These children came to you through the foster system, and even though you are adopting them, I'm sure you're still having to deal with the legalities and 'systemism' surrounding their case, yes?
Dealing with the system---even on a good day----can be SUCH a hassle! And, there's a lot to be said for the stress it causes too---even when you think it's not bothering you, KWIM?
I'd ask about a support group too; but try to be a little kinder to yourself! This IS a big adjustment too.....NOT just because of being the two of you, but because you're also parenting TWO 'babies' at once...and they weren't infants too. Basically, YOU had to figure out what they were all about, I think more than you might have had to do with an 'infant at a time', KWIM?

You'll do swell. Consider too, that making a weekly date night might be good for you and dh too. If you can't have one that often----go for as often as you can. It really helped dh and I to be able to talk to each other without the kids around; and we often didn't fully realize what was really going on with us until we were able to 'spell it out' over a Pepsi!

Congratulations and be good to yourselves! I think you'll do fine!

Sincerely,

Linny

[Kate1129]

Oh how I could have written your post a million times!!!

Next month is our 10 year anniversary. We have no other children. We are in the process of adopting a 5 year old boy and a nearly 3 year old girl. They came to live with us almost 2 years ago. We went from no kids to a one year old and 3 year old. I struggled and still struggle at times with feeling overwhelmed and scared I stink at parenting. It's so difficult to not have any "leading" into the parenting. We didn't get to start out with a pregnancy and work into it. We got 2 toddlers "dropped" off.

I have the biggest struggle with people who are harsh and say "you asked for it". No I didn't ask for 10 years of infertility and then to have 2 toddlers dropped of. What I asked for was a family. God just happened to have a different plan then I. I do love the children and our life is so full with them. But I am still human and it's hard sometimes!

I found it's super important that I have "me" time. I need at least an hour or two a week for time to not be the mommy. My husband is able to help me out in this. Not every week, but as much as our schedules permit.

Hang in there! It's hard but I know you can do it!

[RainDrops]

Thank you all for these great replies! It really helps to hear about other "humans". lol