[poppy]

Whether you are talking about judging one another, sex outside of marriage, or morals ... remember to use the Bible as the final word. There ARE right and wrongs and God points them out. You can choose to believe them or not but He has set the limits.

By the way.... God doesn't change the rules for age either. Sex outside of marriage is still a sin if you are 14 or 94. The good thing is..... If your heading the wrong way.... God allows U-Turns. God also forgives us ... as we should forgive each other. (Eph. 4:32)

[numbr1dbcksfan]

You must be joking.

I cannot even believe that this kind of attacking is allowed.

Yes.. there ARE rights and wrongs... the LAWS point them out.

If you choose to use a book as a guideline... great! It doesnt mean that it is reality.. it is just reality in YOUR life.

[poppy]

Did you forget your on the Christian board where we are followers of Christ? The Bible is God's word. It's where He tells all about His son Jesus Christ and where He tells us how to live.

If you choose not to believe it it's your life. If you choose to let the LAW that man made up be your only guide then that's your choice in life too.

And I am not attacking anyone. I'm stating MY beliefs and so was the original poster. You were trying to say that her beliefs were wrong also. If they are all just beliefs then don't respond to the ones that you don't agree with.

[GCS]

Both my children are adopted from Russia. My oldest had a really tough start. His mother certainly drank during pregnancy since he suffers from the effects of that. He was abandoned at 2 and a half on the street in January on a day that was about 15 degrees. He has scars both psychologically and physically that make me think his life was especially hard the 3 years before we adopted him.

I have a choice to make here. I can look at this and judge the bfamily, or I can tell him that his mother loved him enough to not abort him (abortion is legal, socially acceptable and so much easier to do in Russia than raising a child as a single mother - which we believe from the limited info we have she was). She loved him enough to leave him in town close to the police station so he would be found quickly - I dont know for sure that he was, but this is my hope. I can tell him that she must have hoped and dreamed to keep him but that something happened in her life and she couldn't. We'll never know. I dont have to romanticize it, but I dont have to judge it either. We know nothing about his family in Russia. We pray for them in our nightly prayers. I personally believe that there must be someone there who mourns this sweet, loving child the way I would if my life circumstances were such that I had to lose him.

It does no one harm to give the benifit of the doubt. You may know more about your child's bfamily's situation, but do you really know? Can you really put yourself in that situation? Can you be compassionate and teach your child that lesson? Really, isn't teaching a child to be compassionate the hardest task we have as parents?

Live the example and your children will follow.

I am not worried about telling my daughter about her bfamily. She has a mother a father (unmarried) and a half-sister that we know about. I can give her all the information we have without judging it. Will having this information change her attitude about sex? Maybe. Maybe it will make her realize how important it is to be ready to have a child and make her more cautious. But more than anything else, maybe it will make her more compassionate because we hurt for this family who lost a precious child.

I am grateful to have my children in my life, but it is a mixed bag. Someone else had to lose them for me to have them. I think it is important that my children understand that.


Christina

[taramayrn]

I see no attacking happening. What I see is the sharing of beliefs based on a Christian belief system. We need to remember to be respectful of each others beliefs, even if we don't agree with them.

[SchmennaLeigh]

GCS hit the nail on the head.

It does no one harm to give the benifit of the doubt. You may know more about your child's bfamily's situation, but do you really know? Can you really put yourself in that situation? Can you be compassionate and teach your child that lesson? Really, isn't teaching a child to be compassionate the hardest task we have as parents?

Live the example and your children will follow.

[xillini]

Christina, Thank you for sharing your story.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Do I know Im in a "follower of the bible" forum.. sure... but it is also a public forum... call someone's lifestyle wrong in an open forum... and well you should probably expect them to stand up for themselves.

Just remember when speaking of "man's laws" that the bible, too was written by various "men".

I will dish out as much respect as I see given out.

[xillini]

Originally Posted by numbr1dbcksfan

Do I know Im in a "follower of the bible" forum.. sure... but it is also a public forum... call someone's lifestyle wrong in an open forum... and well you should probably expect them to stand up for themselves.

Just remember when speaking of "man's laws" that the bible, too was written by various "men".

I will dish out as much respect as I see given out.

Why are you taking this so personally? Why do you feel like you have to stand up for yourself? The OP is asking for help. If you can not offer her any advice why are you posting? I know you can post anywhere you want- but why are you wasting energy here?

[Mommy24]

Sometimes we just need to step away and agree to disagree, so not to fuel the fire!
Lets continue to give the OP the support she was looking for and try to answer her questions

Like in many situations communication is the key to successful children. You have to talk to them and listen to them, Explain what your morals are and what you see wrong in the world today and how we can change the patterns of society. I know what works for me and my children is discussing how they want better than I had, or even sometimes discussing my own shortcomings and explaining how I want them to not have to experience some of the life changing events I have.

I am not saying they wont have some problems or do things that they may later regret (I think everyone can look back and wonder woulda shoulda coulda) but in communicating the obvious maybe they will think twice before making their decisions

[crick]

To avoid confusion with all the moderators posting on this thread....Please note that other than TaraMay and myself, everyone else is posting from a personal point of view and not a moderating perspective.

That said...

The debate needs to cease and the thread needs to get back on track to the original question. Please post respectfully.

Thanks,
Crick

[poppy]

DreamingAzure~~~ I apoligize for your thread getting hijacked here. That was not my intentions at all. I agree with the posters who have stated that prayer is of utmost importance. If you pray with your daughter for her birthmom then hopefully she will see that the choice is her own. And if you pray for your daughter to make a Godly choice then then you need to remember that God hears your prayers. There are always people and influences in our children's lives that are not for the best. However, if we live justly and follow God, He will bless our children. Prov 20:7 That doesn't mean they will always make good choices. But our lives can be a huge factor in their decisions. Just keep praying and living Godly and the Lord will take care of the rest.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by DreamingAzure

I've been taught that my entire life. That I can love someone without accepting and condoning their lifestyle or life choices. AND to be perfectly honest it's something that I have stuggled with for many years. It's a hard seperation for me to make.

I've been stewing this over for a number of weeks, and decided I'll bite the bullet(and possible flamage) and ask:

How do you explain to your child that their bparents are nice and good people, but at the same time try to teach them about strong morals and living a clean Christian lifestyle when their bparents aren't??

I have a friend who is having this issue. Their daughter is fast coming into her teen years and they are discussing sex, virginity, premarital sex etc. And Their daughter made the comment of "well my bmom has sex and she is great" bmom in this case is VERY single and...ummm....to put it nicely falls into the "if it feels good lets do it"(and then talk about it) catagory. (finding out that bmom has talked to T about sex has brought up some boundry issues TOO)

I think it's important that bparents be respected...BUT... How do you get your child to understand the difference with bmom/bdad being a nice person and them NOT having the same set of morals that we have?

PLEASE, I'm NOT saying this is an issue with ALL adoptions & bparents...but this is something I'm seeing friends stuggle with, and can see it being a possiblity that I would rather know and think about BEFORE I get there.

It is our commitment to our DD's first mother to always speak of her with honor, even if some of the choices are ones we don't agree with.

The fact is, at least in our situation and that is the ONLY situation I am referring to in this post, we do live a different kind of life than the our DD's first mother, for a whole group of reasons I won't go into. When it comes to the time, as time goes on, to share some more of her story with Bug, part of the discussion will be about how her first mother may have chosen to live in a certain way, but we are do not in our family.

And since her first mother chose us to raise her, knowing full well what we stand for in our home, we take that as she chose us to help her/our DD make choicesas our family would, not choices as Bug's first mother would. And Bug's first mother has stated such to me in person and to Bug in a letter.

We do believe that the is a right way to live, that is OUR belief (in other words, this is not attacking anyone so please don't take it as such...) and we will instill those beliefs in our DD. Not judging her first mother in any way, but helping her to understand that part of her first mother's choice to place her was so that she ~ meaning Bug ~ would have other choices to make herself.

And the bottom line is ~ whether she is adopted or not, it is my job as her parent to help her know what she needs to know to make good choices in her life.

[LoveJosiah]

Dreaming: You have to teach your kids the truth. They need to know right from wrong, and it is your God-given responsibility to teach it to them. Christians can't dance around the truth with our children, as their very life depends on how we guide them. We have a duty to teach them that all sex outside of marriage is sin. Period. God made that law to protect us. From broken hearts. From disease. From giving ourselves away cheaply and then not being able to fully bond to our future mate. From the hurt of being looked at as a loose woman. In essence, to protect us from ourselves.

If anyone spoke to my child about their whoremongering ("sleeping around") that person would be put on notice. Immediately. If it happened twice they would be banned from interacting with our DS. At all. Period. No matter who it was. The child's spirit is in the balance. We have to live what we believe. Therefore:

1 Thes. 5:21 But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good;

22 abstain from every form of evil.

So, this Scripture tells us (CHRISTIANS) that we should judge, that we are in fact expected to judge good from evil, and get rid of everything that is not "good" and keep ourselves and our children from evil.

Non-Christians love to quote the "judge-not" part of the Bible, and usually out of context.

But Christians are clearly instructed in Matthew 7 how to tell good from bad (i.e.: how to "judge")...by the fruit one brings forth:

19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.

20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

Christian parents, isn't our ultimate goal to get our children to heaven?

Shanna and Poppy: Amen! I agree completely. You laid out the truth so well that it resulted in some feeling good old-fashioned conviction, and, as you may know, if a person doesn't recognize 'conviction', it feels a lot like 'condemnation', or an "attack".

To God be glory, for the things He has done!
Can I get an AMEN?

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Shanna and Poppy: Amen! I agree completely. You laid out the truth so well that it resulted in some feeling good old-fashioned conviction, and, as you may know, if a person doesn't recognize 'conviction', it feels a lot like 'condemnation', or an "attack".

Im not going to be attacked and just stand by.
If this was just about giving the gal ideas.. the attacks wouldnt keep being made. It is clear that I misunderstood no one.

My advice stands that you should teach your child to respect herself, because quite honestly... as a single female ADULT who is NOT ashamed of her lifestyle... and as a parent to a 9 year old daughter.... heck and as a person who was once a female teenager who made the affore mentioned mistakes.... Im not so sure that preaching the bible is going to have the desired effect.