[MamaS]

I am a 53 year old single mother of two girls who were adopted from Central America. My girls were raised in the church and in Christian schools. They were surrounded by a loving Christian family. The oldest one went to college, graduated, got a job, met and married a fine young man and is now expecting a child. The youngest barely graduated high school, refused to go to college, collected numerous DUI and speeding tickets before losing her license, was arrested for drug possession, got pregnant, and had a baby boy (drug free, thank the Lord!) She said she wanted to keep her baby and we supported that. She said she wanted to change her lifestyle, but it has been three years and I have permanent custody of my grandson while she continues to live with the baby's father and do drugs -- neither have steady jobs, they get money from various relatives.
I have been advised by my lawyer and the rest of my family to adopt my grandson for his legal protection -- he could inherit SSI if I died, and I could decide on his guardians in that event. The problem is that I still love my youngest daughter too. She is only 23, there is still a chance she will return to the way of the Lord! If I pursue the adoption, will I have to break off all contact with her? Her son loves her and knows she is "Mama". How do you choose one child over the other?

[Truthdefenders]

Wow! What a tough situation. I can't give you legal advice either way, but I do think that you could adopt your grandson, and yet love your daughter. I don't think I would wait too long for her to come around. Your primary responsibility in this situation is your grandson's well-being. Your daughter is a grown-up now and is responsible for her own life. One question...Is she willing to relenquish her son, or do you think she might fight this?

If you do adopt and then she comes back to the Lord later, she will understand firsthand that sin has consequences. But, the God I serve is big enough to work things out for our good, if we love Him.

I will pray for you to have wisdom and understanding and that God would show you the path He has for you. God bless.

[Yash]

Mama S,

I agree with Julie. Your first concern has to be your grandson. You are doing all you can for your daughter by praying for her and putting her in God's hands. There are no better hands to be in.

You are all in my prayers,

Yash

[lovebeingmom2006]

I hope I would put my grandson interest first. Your daughter is an adult. She has made her decision to live her life the way she wants to and now you have to do what's best for your grandson. I will be praying for you and your family. GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!

[StorkWatcher]

First of all, I'm so sorry she's in this place right now. I hope she finds her way back.

Check with the DFC (Social Services w/ the state) - can you adopt and still have an open arrangement with your daughter? I think people in non-relative situations do this. I don't know if you've thought of cross posting this on the relative adoption or foster/adopt boards, but I think there would be other people there with experience in similar situations.

Also, would both parents contest the adoption, or do you think they would relinquish their rights? Does the father have any family who might fight for the boy?

I agree - your daughter is old enough to take care of herself, but your grandson isn't and relies on you to care for him, so it's probably good at this point to do what is best for him. Hopefully, your daughter will understand it all when she matures.



Good luck!

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

Sticky situation, but I would have to go with the child who is unable to make choices for themselves and has to rely on the adults in his life to make those decisions. Sounds like you are the person to make the decisions that are right for him. In time your daughter will probably come to thank-you for helping her thru this rough time knowing that what you did was out of love for both of them.

[MamaS]

Thank you for taking time to answer me. My head knows you are right, but in my heart she is -- and always will be -- my baby girl.
The father's family will totally support anything I choose. They are good Christian people but they have totally given up on their son (he is 27).
The father is in jail again (parole violation, drug use) and will not be able to fight this. They were never married.
My daughter will be angry and will not consent, but she cannot fight without a lawyer and in my state there is no free legal aid for custody disputes. She would probably ask me to hire a lawyer for her to fight me!
I am going to call the lawyer tomorrow and start the paperwork. I have to think of my grandson first, I know.

[StorkWatcher]

Good luck, and please keep us posted. Your family is in many people's prayers!