[Tash63]

My parents are strong christians, and they had an open adoption.
I love them a lot , and I don' t want to hurt them, even though I know that they would understand. and support me in meeting my bmom.
How should I approach them on this? I'm not sure if a letter or actually talking to them face to face would be best?

Any advice? Thanks.

[momraine]

You know your parents best. If they had an open adoption, then I think they would be open to your meeting them. My daughter is only six, but wants to know more about her birth parents. She was abandoned at birth in another country. This made for a daunting search, however as I love her and want whats best for her we tried. We are now awaiting the report to be translated. We sent a letter and photos, via an intermediary who translated the letters. They interviewed the family got contact information for us and gave them my letter and the photos and took photos of the family. They will be sending this all to me this next week, my daughter is very excited.
You have to tell them however you feel the most comfortable. If you are worried about coming up with the words then go ahead and write. They may have contact iformation for you.
I know my good friend just last year met her birth family. I went with her. She did not tell her adoptive parents. She said they always said nice things about them, but she had a feeling they were not telling her something, because they never seemed to give a lot of details. She did know she had a brother and really wanted to find him more than her parents. She is now not in contact with her first family anymore. She learned that they were very abusive. She learned that as a young baby she was hospitalized for multiple broken bones, care of her birth mother. She was six when she was adopted but had no early memories, she had been in foster care for a year or two before her adoption. She now talks to her brother, but not her birth parents. She still hasn't told her adoptive parents, but she says she appreciates them now more than ever. They never said anything negative to her about her birth parents, other than they were unable to take care of her. She does kind of wish she had told her adoptive parents before she met her birth parents. She thinks they might have prepared her. As it was, it was a huge shock to learn how abusive they had been from her brother and other relatives. She figures now there is no point in telling her mom, since she does not plan to ever see them again.

[mylovebug]

My daughter is only 2 and we are no where near the time to reunite however as an amom I am preparing myself from the beginning for that day and I actually long for the day when we get to meet all of the birth family. I am probably more ready now just thinking about it than most people ever get when the time comes. I would think that they have given it alot of thought through the years and hopefully they willl help you with the search. I plan on making it fun and adventureous when we start our search, I want to be the one helping her, I want to be there when she finds out whatever info as well as when she meets her for the first time. I think about it all the time, and it is very exciting to know that one day we will put the last of the puzzle piece togther and we will all have a relationship to share. Good luck