[akcskye]

My husband and I are going to be adopting soon. We have been married for 11 years.

We LOVE each other, and have grown as far "emotionally" together and feel that "something missing" that children will bring us.

I was raised in a Christian household. Southern Baptist, actually.

My husband was raised in one of those "send the kids to church, but don't go yourself" type families.

We have both seen our share of hypocrisy from self professed Christians, who are either out gambling or drugging, or drinking. Enough to the point that we don't really care to go to church.

Actually, we've only been 1 time in our 11 years of marriage. We didn't even get married in a church, we got married in a wedding chapel.

Now though, I'm wanting to start going to church. I miss the way it felt to go, but my husband just is not interested.

He is saved, he is baptised. He knows and believes in God and Jesus. I don't know if he's lazy, or just is that strongly against being in a group of potential hypocrites.

We have no local friends, and we don't feel we need any, so we don't care for a social group of people. Just people there to learn about and listen to God's message.

So, what do I do? I understand my husband works 2 jobs while I am taking care of my 89 year old grandmother 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. But, is he just being lazy, or what?

I'd be curious to hear what you have to say.

[happygmom]

Your husband is working 2 jobs and you are taking care of your 89 year old grandmom?? Sounds to me like you practice faith every day. Formal church will be there when you it needs you and you need it. Right now - you are living your faith and do not need to make an appearance somewhere else to prove that.

With best wishes,

Happy G'Ma

[lmvsmom]

I don't think it means he is being lazy, it just means he's not ready. I'm going to reply to other comments you made in your post about the hypocrits. Think about this: you will not find a perfect church with perfect people. It's not about the people in it. Christianity is about a relationship with God thru Jesus Christ. The church is there to support people as they mature in their faith, help them understand more about the Scriptures, and encourage them to live out their faith. I have found the church to be full of imperfect people. But you know what? It's the best place to be, with others of like faith. We receive so much joy and support from these imperfect people. For every one hypocrit, there are many others who are sincerely trying to live what they believe (and desperately needing God's grace to make it every day). If you want to go, then go. Your DH is just not ready and if you nag him, he never will be.

Best wishes!

[dadfor2]

Now though, I'm wanting to start going to church. I miss the way it felt to go, but my husband just is not interested.

im a little confused. why cant you go to church by yourself? is there some rule in the church that says that your husband must attend if you are to go?

my suggestion if it means that much to you, you should go, and he can stay home and he can do whatever he feels comfortable doing with his beliefs.

i agree with imvsmom, what ever you do, dont nag him, then he will never go and will only cause resentments.

[kelleymac]

I wasn't aware that gambling and drinking responsibly prevented you from being a Christian...

[LadyBugz]

Perhaps you should start with some theology at home. Once you renew your faith and focus on why you have that faith, you will be better able to be living it out in church and at home.

Can you find a group of like minded individuals online to support you in your faith journey? Better yet, a couple who can be a mentor to you and your spouse?

Also, perhaps you need to look outside your childhood religion and compare the different religions (since you are not feeling at ease about what the people in the church you were attending practiced compared to what they preached). I'm sure you have many preconceived notions about some of the major religions (Catholic, Pentecostal, Methodist, Episcopalian, etc, etc) that were greatly different from your own. By looking into why they believe what they do, you will help to build your faith--even if it is to strengthen the resolve you had in your younger years.

I am a person who believes that God is due all glory and honor and worship and as such that we have an obligation to do what we can to not only live our faith and praise the Lord (through our words and deeds), but to actually offer Him our worship in a community of believers. So from that perspective, I strongly encourage you to "fake it 'til you make it" (as is commonly said in the adoption world). After all, our emotions are great, but they are not the engine of the train. They are the caboose, helping us through the curves and up the hills, but just along for the ride most of the time. Even if we don't feel like it, God is still deserving of our worship. (Check out this Campus Crusade for Christ page--esp. the cute little train.) He is not a vengeful God who will expect more than you are able to give--if you must work on Sunday to provide the necessities for your family, or if you are the caregiver of the infirmed and unable to attend, then this is quite different from having the time but deciding to use it in other ways instead of to worship the Lord.

As for hypocrisy, I really don't understand that as a reason to avoid church. Because someone else does something wrong, you are justified in doing so as well? If the ones who are doing things right won't go, then who will be left but the ones doing it wrong? Are you not a sinner also struggling with doing what is pleasing to the Lord? Is the church not the place sinners SHOULD be? Should there not be strong and holy men and women there to testify to the love of Christ to those who might not have come to live it or know it yet? The way I look at it is this: it must pain the Lord so very much to be mocked and ridiculed in His own house. I feel guilt and shame for my own sins, perhaps unknown to the general public but just as painful to the Lord, when I see others who do such things. I believe it is even more important to be strengthened in my faith and to the Lord in such trying times. After all, what others do or do not do has no bearing on who the Lord is or what He has done. And what He has done is deserving of our praise and worship. And if others are falling down in that department, it is ever more incumbent upon me to be a light of Christ.

Originally Posted by Phil 2:12-15

12Wherefore, my dearly beloved, (as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but much more now in my absence,) with fear and trembling work out your salvation.
13For it is God who worketh in you, both to will and to accomplish, according to his good will.
14And do ye all things without murmurings and hesitations;
15That you may be blameless, and sincere children of God, without reproof, in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation; among whom you shine as lights in the world.

Originally Posted by 2 Tim 2:10, 14-15, 19-22

10Therefore I endure all things for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain the salvation, which is in Christ Jesus, with heavenly glory.

14Of these things put them in mind, charging them before the Lord. Contend not in words, for it is to no profit, but to the subverting of the hearers.
15Carefully study to present thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.

19But the sure foundation of God standeth firm, having this seal:the Lord knoweth who are his; and let every one depart from iniquity who nameth the name of the Lord.
20But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and earth: and some indeed unto honour, but some unto dishonour.
21If any man therefore shall cleanse himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified and profitable to the Lord, prepared unto every good work.
22But flee thou youthful desires, and pursue justice, faith, charity, and peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

[jameyevans]

If you feel that you need to go back to church then do it! Your life will be enriched, fufilled, and more fun with the things you will learn and the people you will meet. I encourage you to attend a church that is "alive". I know that this is a wierd term but make sure the church is growing - spiritually. My husband is a youth pastor- we just moved to MO a little over a year ago- and I LOVE our church. I have never met such friendly, loving, generous people in my life. Our church and the members has helped us see more of God's love. Like today for example... we live close to where the tornado struck and one of out church member's garage, barn, and the out side of the house was severly damaged. There were over 60 people out there cleaning up, cutting wood, burning wood, donating dumpsters, a backhoe, and many more things that I did not see go on. Everytime I looked up to see everyone working I wanted to cry. God is so good and provides everything we need!


I can understand that you have had a bad experience with a church. I have had bad experiences with churchs too. But you and I have to understand that God has to be first in a church - not people. And when people take God's place it can get kinda scary.

I hope you the best as you continue on your journey. If you ever have any questions please feel free to ask!
Jamey

[Kama]

I totally understand... I think if you feel like going back to church, you should... While it would be lovely if your husband felt the same way, I think you should do it and can do it on your own. I know many happy loving couples who either belong to different churches (e.g. wife is Catholic, husband is Free Evangelical) or couples in which one goes to church and the other does not...

I was raised Catholic but then drifted away for 20 or so years... I just got back to it about 5 years ago (although I felt the urge much earlier, and started going back to Mass on and off). I did try to go to other more "liberal" Christian churches and that was not satisfying, the church of my childhood was what I really longed for (with all its "pluses" and "minuses"). I longed for the music and the ritual and the holidays. Now I sing in the church choir and have practising fully again. I am very happy and at peace with this.

I have friends who tried to "shop" for a new church, checking them out to see which made them feel better (actually, it happened when they started having children and decided that it would be good to be back in church and have that type of community). But, I think, you know what you need and you should listen to your heart! One more thing, there is always time you can find for church. I am an extremely busy person with several part-time jobs, two dogs and busy life, but I always find time to go to Mass, and actually it makes me slow down and reflect on my life, it makes me deal with other life's demands much better.

Originally Posted by akcskye

My husband and I are going to be adopting soon. We have been married for 11 years.

We LOVE each other, and have grown as far "emotionally" together and feel that "something missing" that children will bring us.

I was raised in a Christian household. Southern Baptist, actually.

My husband was raised in one of those "send the kids to church, but don't go yourself" type families.

We have both seen our share of hypocrisy from self professed Christians, who are either out gambling or drugging, or drinking. Enough to the point that we don't really care to go to church.

Actually, we've only been 1 time in our 11 years of marriage. We didn't even get married in a church, we got married in a wedding chapel.

Now though, I'm wanting to start going to church. I miss the way it felt to go, but my husband just is not interested.

He is saved, he is baptised. He knows and believes in God and Jesus. I don't know if he's lazy, or just is that strongly against being in a group of potential hypocrites.

We have no local friends, and we don't feel we need any, so we don't care for a social group of people. Just people there to learn about and listen to God's message.

So, what do I do? I understand my husband works 2 jobs while I am taking care of my 89 year old grandmother 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. But, is he just being lazy, or what?

I'd be curious to hear what you have to say.

[akcskye]

Kama, that's great, but my situation is "life or death" with my grandmother (she's an 89 year old amputee that has congestive heart failure, so she cannot do anything for herself, but she's sharp as a tack in her head, so she will NOT be going to a nursing home any time soon).

I honestly do not have the luxury of leaving her right now. None of my family is stepping up to the plate to help, so I am literally STUCK here 24/7.

Right now, none of them think me going to church is important enough for them to break their schedules (whereas me wanting to go home to check on my animals for more than 30 minutes is frowned upon)...well, when we get our placement, they'd better think of something...and QUICK.

Thanks to all of you for your replies. I am not a mingler/socializer outside of the internet realm, so that, plus spiritual enrichment for my hubby is why it is SO important for him to come with me.

[Kama]

Kristi,

Sorry I could not help... but it seems to me that you know your situation best and know what is or is not possible... Good luck with resolving your situation. I know there is always a way out even if it seems there is not :-).

Originally Posted by akcskye

Kama, that's great, but my situation is "life or death" with my grandmother (she's an 89 year old amputee that has congestive heart failure, so she cannot do anything for herself, but she's sharp as a tack in her head, so she will NOT be going to a nursing home any time soon).

I honestly do not have the luxury of leaving her right now. None of my family is stepping up to the plate to help, so I am literally STUCK here 24/7.

Right now, none of them think me going to church is important enough for them to break their schedules (whereas me wanting to go home to check on my animals for more than 30 minutes is frowned upon)...well, when we get our placement, they'd better think of something...and QUICK.

Thanks to all of you for your replies. I am not a mingler/socializer outside of the internet realm, so that, plus spiritual enrichment for my hubby is why it is SO important for him to come with me.