[gabyj]

Hi, everyone.
First of all we are thrilled, because we brought our baby daughter home yesterday!!! Praise the Lord! But, here is my question:
I had heard many people say that the first time that baby was placed in their arms they fell in love immediately and loved that baby more than anything else. Well, I still feel like I'm babysitting someone else's baby child for a while. The baby is sweet, and she brings out the mother instict in me, but I still don't feel like she is MY daughter (I know it's been two days, but people say it's automatic). On top of it all, I am Hispanic, my husband is white and the baby is African American, so when I see her with my husband I still feel like she is just keeping a baby from someone in our church for a little bit. Anyone else had this experience? I read somewhere that even biological parents may take a few days or weeks to feel as parents.
Any advice is welcome.
Gaby

[redbonec]

Congratulations!

What you are feeling is so normal. I cannot say from experience yet, as we are still waiting to adopt, but I have known parents of children who were biologically born to them or born to them through adoption that have said either or even both! Some bond instantly, others it takes time! And neither is right or wrong. Even for myself, I wonder when we do finally adopt, how will it be for me?

Just remember--bonding takes time becuase it is based on a relationship. The more you and your child come to know each other, the more you will bond.
And also, remember that bonding is not the same as loving. You already love your child. The feelings of togetherness as a family will come in time!

[2Bulgarianbeauties]

When I brought my daughter home, I felt like I was babysitting for about 4 - 6 weeks. It made me nervous, because I had heard the "instant love" comments also, and thought - is this all I can love?

Now my DD is the love of my life! Do not worry about it, it is VERY normal!

Kay

[kelleymac]

This is exactly how we felt. We adopted from Guatemala and while I thought my son was an awesome baby (happy, easygoing, etc.) we didn't fall in love immediately.

It took a couple of weeks for me to feel like he belonged to me and that someone wasn't going to come to the door and say: "okay, thanks for babysitting, we'll take him now."

These days, someone couldn't pry him away from us with a crowbar. Give yourself time to bond with the baby and feel like parents. Everything in your life has just been upheaved and it takes time to adjust.

Kelley

[blessedbybug]

Gaby ~ First of, congratulations of your baby daughter coming home! How exciting for your family! I think what you are feeling is completely normal. I know I felt a bit like you do. I loved my Bug and cared for her with all I had but it took awhile until she felt like she belonged in my life. I think it was partly trying to respect her first mother's time to change her mind (she had 10 days) and partly guarding my heart against that possibility.

I tell you... I finally knew she was MY kid, that we were bonded at her 2 month needle...she was wailing at the top of her lungs and I was just sobbing because she was hurting. I knew then and it has only gotten better.

OTOH, DH bonded to Bug from the first moment he laid eyes on her...completely... and he was the one scared of becoming a parent. Iteresting how differentlye all react.

Wait, love her, care for her and before you know it, you'll be surprised by how you feel. Blessings of your family!!!

[ggman]

It took me a few weeks to really feel like our bio DD was "ours."

The initial bonding took a while, but once it happens it's the best feeling I can think of... and it only grows stronger EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

Hang in there... love on her, kiss her, hug her, put her in the sling or baby carrier, take a bath with her... all those things will give both of you the warm fuzzies for each other in no time at all.

Congratulations!

[tobeafamily]

Your words remind me of how DH and I felt when Ryan came. We had to stay in TX for about 2 weeks after he was born for ICPC and such to clear. Midway into the second week, DH looked at me and said "Do you feel like 'hey, this has been fun. When are his parents coming?'" Yep.

I didn't really feel like Ryan was 'my' baby until his first shots - that nurse made my baby cry and I nearly decked her. Mind you, I've worked in the medical field for `16+ years, including time working in a pediatric ER, so you think that wouldn't have bothered me so much. Except that was MY son's REAL tears. The nurse got out fast.

It took a while after that before I stopped being fearful that someone in the mall or in a store or somplace was going to point at me and shriek "That woman is not that baby's mother!" even though Ryan and I resemble each other strongly (many people thought I was his bmom's mother or older sister).

Hang in there. If anyone hasn't told you yet, newborns are HARD. They are not those sweet cuddly babies we all see - those are older infants. His first 4-5 weeks were the hardest, when it seemed like he didn't even acknowledge my existance, recognize me, etc. If you find yourself feeling that you hate this, that it's not working, that you're the worst mommy ever than remember that it will get better. Promise.

Hang in there.

Regina

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by tobeafamily

Your words remind me of how DH and I felt when Ryan came. We had to stay in TX for about 2 weeks after he was born for ICPC and such to clear. Midway into the second week, DH looked at me and said "Do you feel like 'hey, this has been fun. When are his parents coming?'" Yep.

I didn't really feel like Ryan was 'my' baby until his first shots - that nurse made my baby cry and I nearly decked her. Mind you, I've worked in the medical field for `16+ years, including time working in a pediatric ER, so you think that wouldn't have bothered me so much. Except that was MY son's REAL tears. The nurse got out fast.

It took a while after that before I stopped being fearful that someone in the mall or in a store or somplace was going to point at me and shriek "That woman is not that baby's mother!" even though Ryan and I resemble each other strongly (many people thought I was his bmom's mother or older sister).

Hang in there. If anyone hasn't told you yet, newborns are HARD. They are not those sweet cuddly babies we all see - those are older infants. His first 4-5 weeks were the hardest, when it seemed like he didn't even acknowledge my existance, recognize me, etc. If you find yourself feeling that you hate this, that it's not working, that you're the worst mommy ever than remember that it will get better. Promise.

Hang in there.

Regina

Regina~ I could have written your post! Forgot about how hard it was being Bug's parent until she started acknowledging my presence and then, giving some POSITIVE feedback!!!

[gabyj]

Thank you all for your replies. They made me feel much better. It's been five days since we brought her home and reading what I wrote makes me smile. I realized I loved this baby when I was sitting at work trying to wrap up things so I could start maternity leave and her picture on my desktop made me teary and I could smell her scent even though she wasn't there. I'm growing more and more in love every day.
Thank you and God bless you.

Gaby