[gabyj]

Hi, everyone.
I'm new to this forum, but I have been reading your postings for a few days and decided to join. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and tcc for about 3. We found out he had low everything and tried insemination a couple of times. No success. We decided not to do InVitro, because we felt, after much prayer, the ethical considerations were too great. So, we happily moved on with adoption. We are in the process of applying and getting our homestudy done for an infant adoption. We have decided we would take a baby of any race.
Anyway, the problem is that my mom is having a tough time with it all. She is pushing us to do InVitro, is not supporting our decision to adopt saying that those babies would not be her grandchildren, and is highly upset about us adopting interracially.
My mom is a young Christian with a shallow faith and we have tried to educate her, give her books, talk, etc, but it's not getting better. I am an only child, so this is especially tough on her and she is now blaming my husband and is very hurt and bitter.
Has anyone else experience problems with family members when adopting? What have you done about it?
Please pray for us, my parents are coming for Xmas in two days and I don't anticipate a fun vacation for us all.
Thank you.
Gaby

[mckenna]

there is an adoptive mom on this site that has similar expeience. i will try to let her know about this post so she can respond. i think she could give you some good experience. i am so sorry this is happening. but i think you need to be prepared not to have your mom in your life for the sake of your kids. good luck to you.

[jojobear]

My husband and i ttc for 5 years with no luck, problem was me not him, it was his mom who had the problem not mine. needless to say we told her she either excepted it or would not be a part of our lives or her grandchildren.

Needless to say she is a very happy grandma. She occasionally needs to be reminded there is no difference between our son and his cousins but remembers to mind her manners in front of our son.

Jody

[LisaCA]

family can be "difficult", lol.

I think you need to think about what life will be like for a child who isn't fully accepted as part of the family. it can be very difficult so you'll need to protect the child from those folks.

I'd suggest you visit a site by pact, who provides info for those who are considering transracial adoption:

http://www.pactadopt.org

they have articles on the website on race and transracial adoption, as well as what to do about family members, etc.

you might also remind her of the story of Moses. does she (or you) have a pastor or spiritual leader who can speak to her?

if she decides to stick to her guns, then maybe it's time to rethink having her in your life or rethink the decision to adopt transracially.

I wish you luck,

Lisa

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

You shouldn't give up your dream of being a mother because someone else does not approve of the stones your path is paved with. You can bet that your mother would come around after the baby/child is here. It is SO hard to not love the innocent...regardless of what color their skin is, their background, or dissabilities. Although my family was always supportive, I never would have let a one of them prevent me from the complete happiness I have when I look at my babies. Do what is in YOUR heart, after all, it is YOUR life you are living not your mother's.

[Prof_Snape]

I know this is an old thread but Im going to post anyway

Ya Know, My huspand and I are in a situation almost like yours. My Mom and family are over the moon about k and I adopting they are sooo excided. K's mom (on the other hand) is a very opinionated woman and tries to give us advice on when we should have kids and when we shouldn't have kids. She says that we should not have kids right now at all. K (my hubby) said "Its none of her business when we have kids or how we have kids. She (k's mom) did not ask anyones permission to have me"
So we decided if and when we tell her we have a child that it will be STRICTLY on our terms and she will not know about the adoption (if at all) until it is finalized.
THIS is for the protection of our future baby girl.