[halingr]

Hello. I'm a Mom of four (biological) ages 14, 12, 7, and 4. I've really been feeling a call to adopt and I really don't know what to do about it. It makes no sense when I already have four children but my husband and I have the resources, I think, we are already involved parents and have a lifestyle conducive to parenting. We are very active in our church, schools, etc. and devote ourselves to our children and love doing so. I work with families of special needs children - coordinating a respite program/support groups/events,etc. I think that our family has a lot to offer a child like that and it hurts me so much to know that so many disabled children are in foster care and have such little hope of being adopted. I have seen what a blessing children with dissabilities can be and somehow I just want that for my family, too. So often, I have people ask me "So tell me about your child with special needs?" Of course, I don't have one but I can't help wondering why I get this question so much and my colleagues don't. Anyway, I am becoming more and more convinced and have done a lot of research on the subject. I even found a little boy on the Texas website who is blind that has just about stolen my heart. He's about the same age as my youngest but since he might be a little behind I wonder if it would be alright. I have talked to my family and my kids are all ok with it and understand why I want to help another child less fortunate than they are. My 12 year old can hardly contain herself and just wants to know if we can and how soon! My husband is a different story though. He is a very generous loving man but is highly practical. He actually admitted when I first brought it up that the thought had occurred to him that it would be great to do that for a kid (our next-door neighbors adopted a 13 y.o. girl from Russia and we have friends at church who are adopting 3 and already have 6!). I have let him know my thoughts and right now I'm just trying to not mention it again and give him some time. I've just been praying that the Holy Spirit would guide our hearts and minds. I feel like He is speaking to me, how can I help my husband?

[2kids and a dog]

Pray and wait; wait and pray.

I know not easy. Be there with information for hubby but don't bombard him with it. Other than that he just needs to feel this is what God wants of him too.

Praying and waiting
Kim

[saj]

Along with praying, you could also begin to gather paperwork and info. Special needs children almost always come along with a support system.(Medicaide, supplements, prepaid college to name a few) Sometimes when hubbies understand that, they are more ready to go along with the flow. That doesn't mean that they are only interested because of the support, but it seems to help qualm (is that a word?) some of their fears.

Good luck to you as you travel this road,

Sincerely,
Saj

[halingr]

Thank you.

[allanacw]

It was so, so hard for me not to bombard dh with information, questions, stories, etc. He's a "thinker" and really needed some time to digest it. It took quite some time. That being said, when he did make up his mind we were able to get the process going quickly...we put our application in in late June, she was placed with us in mid Sept. as a foster placement because it happened so quickly we didn't have our homestudy done.

The big lesson for me was sitting back and waiting, no matter how strong I felt the call to adopt. Though we're not even finalized I'm now thinking about #2 (trying for bio next) and I've been told clearly by him not to bring it up again until August! So, lesson learned...August 1st we'll be talking about it again!

[halingr]

I didn't know they could make a placement before the homestudy is done? Are you adopting an older child or special needs child or something?

[allanacw]

Yes, S. is 5 and we met her through foster relief. They rushed our foster homestudy through in two weeks and we have had her as a foster placement since. We should be on adoptive probation in the next month or so.

Allana

[4maryyes]

I have been going through the same thing with my husband! We also have 4 bio. kids(all boys) ages 13,10,9 and 6. I know that we have to trust God and wait on Him. It is hard not to talk about it with dh...I guess we should be grateful that we have people that we can connect with and share this with like we do on this site. Just keep praying and one day our prayers will be answered..It just might take longer than we want!
mj

[Doglover]

I too am a bio. Mom of 3, ages 15, 12 & 6 and have been wrestling with the decision to adopt for almost 3 years. I'm such a chicken! LOL I am very afraid of short-changing my other kids, really only financially as we don't have readily available funds to finance an adoption and have you seen the costs of college recently? YIKES! On the other hand, is there anything more important than investing in another human being, and there are so many needy kids. I will pray for you ~ God is faithful and will guide the way. I know this....I'll pray for a lightning bolt of direction to zap us both!