[All Boys]

I am setting here tonight and everyone is bed, with a thousand thought of the day going through my head. I thought about getting out a notebook and writing them down. But then I thought I am always on here. Why not start my own journal, my own thoughts and hopes and dreams... And do I have some duesies...LOL
HHUUMMM Let's see where to start... Let's see since this is the christain site, I feel that I have the liberty to express my feelings about God and how I feel that he has lead us onto this adoption journey. Cause I know that he did.. I have no doubt what so ever that God's hand is upon this adoption, and upon my family.
We started thinking about adopting back in August of 2003. We did research, and prayed alot, for the Lord to show us which way we were to go in persuing our dream of having a daughter.
Then we got our answer, God lead us into Foster Care. Through a situation with a 2 year old little girl. We have not gott'n her, nor do we know if we are going to get her. But we were in the middle of class one night and it dawned on me... Maybe this is not the baby that God wants us to have. But maybe it was Gods way of leading us down the path that we needed to take, to be in his will..
I know that our daughter will come to us in time.. But sometimes the waiting get so hard.. So I think everyday I will tell alittle more of my story on here. And a little more about how God inspires me, and use me... I Love the Lord, and I only want his will in my life...

Gina

[All Boys]

Well another day of waiting has gone by...
Let me see we started classes on April 15th finished our classes on June 11th.. Signed our Homestudy one June 18th, and then had to wait until August 4th for our finger prints to come back ..
So we now have been offical for 110 days, counting today.
Missouri has become very strict on FBI finger prints. Not just state clearance. So it took a while longer than what we thought it would.
So we have been officially waiting since then... But we have been looking to adopt, privately for about a year now.. But now through the state since August..
We have had no foster placements as of yet.. So it kinda makes it a little grim... But I know that God has all plans in his time. And he will not put on us anymore than we can handle...
God is Good... An dI know that there is no way that I could possibly go through this with out him...

Gina

[All Boys]

Well Thanksgiving has came and went.... We went to my dads house for Thanksgiving, so I couldn't write....
So I thought I would take a moment to reflect on what I am Thankful for...
I am thankful, for my salvation, and what Jesus did for me to be able to recieve my salvation.. I am thankful, for my family, my wonderful husband of 12 years, and for my wonderful boys, that God has, so amazingly entrusted me to be the mom to these angels... The center of my life... I am also thankful, for everything else in my life... And when I say everything, I mean everything that is good... I have come to the realism that everything that is good comes from God, and I am thankful for those things, like my house, the electrcity, my hairdryer, the clean water that comes out of my faucet, even the toilet..LOL I know that sounds so funny, and that if anyone else is reading this is probably thinking I am nuts... But if you think about all the things that we take for granted each and everyday, the air, the water, the trees, the sun, and so on and so forth...
After I set down here and am writing this I am thinking to of all the luxeries that I have too...
My dh and I really need a new house... Well I don't mean a new one, we need a bigger house!!! I have really been getting depressed over not being able to get one. But you know I truely am thankful that I have a house to live in, and all the luxeries that come with living it, electric, water and all the things that I mentioned before... That I am not living on the streets..

Oh and I am also thankful for all of my wonderful friends... And for the wonderful people that I have meet on this site.. I find so much love and support on here... And am just so thankful for the Lord for leading me to it... I am not going to name, off the friends, because knowing me I would leave one or more out, and I would offend someone... But you know who you are...(((()))))

Ok well I think this is enough for tonight... I am tired...

Gina

[All Boys]

Well it has been a few days since I have wrote...
I have been keeping myself very busy with the holidays..
Decorating and shopping..
I have almost finished decorating my living room.. I have been working on it for two days now. It is hard to get much done at one time, when I am babysitting.. But I manage to get a little bit done, and then get the rest done in the evenings and at night when they are gone.
Went shopping Monday night and bought a new tree... Then Tuesday I rearranged the living room, and got the tree up, when dh and the boys get home, we decorated the tree. Then today I finished decorating the rest of the living room..
I made some really cute little snowmen well a snow family. Now I am working on some homemade garland out of scraps of material and buttons. I am going to put up another tree in the kitchen..
I bought a little 24 inch tree for a dollar, and am going to put it in the bathroom.. Dh said he liked them and wanted me to buy a couple more and put them on our nightstands, and one on the kitchen table...
So I guess I am feeling ok today.. There are alot of up's and down's in this roller coaster ride of adoption... This week has been an up week.. Because I am stay so busy..LOL

Gina

[All Boys]

Ok I knew it was to good to last.. I had a dream last night, and it has made for a hard day today..
I complete Faith in God and know that our baby girl is coming.. Just some days are harder than others.. I feel so alone sometimes in this journey.. I mean I have the support of all my friends and family.. But most of them don't understand what I am going through here. Then I have my friends on here, that I have meet on this site.. And I know they have all went through it, or are going through it too now... I mean one of them, just became a mom for the first time, and I am so very happy for her.. She has waited so long for this happy time. I know that she waited for a long time too.. Then poof, they decided to go with another agency, and poof they were matched, and with in a few weeks they brought home their daughter. It was wonderful.. I don't know if they could see it or not. But I could truely see God working there. He knew exactly where their baby was, and when she was going to be born.
So I know that we have to wait on God's timing and that is what I am doing. But today, is just a hard waiting day....

Gina

[JewelMarie]

Gina: Can I keep your company for a while? It is hard waiting. I watch others and celebrate with them, but there are a few moments that I wondered about myself, like, "what about me?" Now that I am a step closer, I wonder about the things I should know or do because I am about to walk through unknown territory for a little while. I am complying my questions. I am scared, nervous and constantly asking God, "will I be a good mom? Do you think I am ready?" There are days where my brain thinks too quickly; it happened this morning and I ended up having a headache. So then I tell myself, one step at a time.

One foot in front of the other; one step at a time. Keep holding up hon, it will happen soon.
Jewel

[All Boys]

Of course you are welcome to hang out here Jewel... I woul dove the company...
I know what you mean, about all the scary thoughts.. I mean I my boys are all bio boys, and I had those thoughts and feelings, when I was getting ready to have Dillon.. I was so scared to give birth to him, cause I knew as long as he was in me, then I could care for him.. But what if I couldn't take care of him after he was born.. But the minute laid him in my arms, it was all over for me.. I never had those thoughts and fears again..

But this waiting is really hurting me today.. Someday's is worst than other, and today is one of those day's... It feels like my heart is hurting today.. It is aching, and the dreams... They hurt too... I keep dreaming, at least once a week, that we have twin girls. I just don't understand why I keep dreaming this...

Well I think I am going to bed... I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow.. And I know that you are keeping the Faith..

Hugs,
Gina

[AMom2Two]

Gina...

I just wanted you know that I am following this thread. I know what you are feeling. I know how God can show us the way if we open our eye's. While I was going thru my journey, I could not see the big picture. I had faith in God that the right child would come but the waiting was so hard. Now that the wait is behind me, I can see his work throught out the entire adoption process. All those little boys I lost where never meant for me but I had to go thru that, to help him do his work, so that I could receive the child that was truly meant for us. By helping others, we are rewarded.

Hang in there. I know it's hard. When it's over, it will be so sweet.

Hugs,

[JewelMarie]

Gina: God's timing if always perfect. While we are in the midst of things, we don't see that, although we know it. Each step of this process to the goal, brings challenges for us to be stretched and grow. This is part of the preparation stage. There are moments in that stage that we want to jump ahead by 4 or 6 months and have everything done. However, we have to remind ourself that we are being prepared. The child and those involved with the child is being prepared.

I do agree that when the wait is behind us, we will wonder why we panic so much. However while we go through the wait, let's see this as a process, a preparation for that time.

This is a labour of the heart; a labour of love. Our emotions are involved and gets affected daily. This is real, life changing real. As you go through the process, your emotions change; you grow stronger emotional, spiritually and in many other areas. You begin to think and reflect on your life, your relationships with your children, or in my case, children I work with and neices and nephews; and you start thinking about the areas you must grow in so that you can model well for your new child.

A labour of love. A lifetime labour. A forever labour. Keep talking about how you are feeling; I am appreciating the fact that you are sharing and giving me an opportunity to share as well.

Have a good day.

Jewel.

[bwinks]

Gina,

I hope today is a better day. Here is a BIG ((((HUG))) Like a told you last night. I know that God has a special little girl or girls for you. That I know that you have the faith and that you believe in him just have the patience to let him do his work. Remember it is all in his time and not in ours. You are such a dear friend and I enjoy talking with you each and everyday. I know that God has such a special plan for you and someday you will look back on this journey of adoption and see that everything worked out just as he had planed. Hang in there girl. I'm here for you.

Barbara

[All Boys]

Thank you everyone for all of your support... It means so much to me to have friends that are out there supporting me, and knowing what I am going through...
But today is another day.. And so far it is a good day.. I have no kids today, and since yesterday was such a hard day. It is good not having anyone here with me... I got up and got the boys off to school. Then I went and took me a very very long bath, and was reading a book... After that I decided, I am going back to bed. So I did...LOL I went back to bed, and slept (ok don't turn green with envy now)LOL I slept til about 11:30, at which time I could here the phone ringing, and decided I better get up. I think that was my alarm clock for today.
Well I didn't have the dream last night... But it is a reaccuring dream.. Have this dream more than once, well to say the least more than once a week probably, for the last couple of months... It is always the same sinerio?SP But at the sametime it is always different though..
Ok here is the dream in a nutshell...
It is always early in the morning, before dh gets up and the phone rings, and it is our social worker.. She always say that there is a lady at the hospital that has given birth to twin girls.. And that the lady knew our name and asked for us to be called, so that she could me with us, before she signs the papers...
So we go to the hospital, and on our way there we stop and look at the nursery and we sometimes we see lots of babies, and sometimes it is just them. Two babies wrapped in pink blanket.. Sometimes I see on their beds it says Baby A and Baby B on the other(you get the idea)... Other times I don't see that.. But I have never seen there faces.. Well I really don't see anything, except for a blanket, cause of the way they are wrapped up and the way they are laying.. Anyway, we go on down the hall, and sometimes we go in a room, and meet a lady, sometime it is the same lady that I have dreamed of before(whom I do not know)(how weird it that to dream of people that you don't know) anyway and then sometimes I never make it to meet anyone.. I have even a couple fo times, went so far as to she a man and a woman, and be told their names, and see them sign the papers.. But not see the babies in that one...
So what does it all mean.. I don't know.... And maybe it doesn't mean anything... But I do know that when I dream it, I wake-up and it makes it for a hard day for me...

Ok so today is going to be a good day... And I will be back later...

Gina

[AMom2Two]

Originally posted by All Boys
Then I went and took me a very very long bath, and was reading a book... After that I decided, I am going back to bed. So I did...LOL I went back to bed, and slept til about 11:30,(ok don't turn green with envy now)LOL

LOL LOL Gina... NOW, I AM GREEN WITH ENVY LOL I am working on two hour sleep intervals. What day is today? Did Thanksgiving pass yet? LOL
hugs,

[davisgaskin]

Gina,

[All Boys]

davisgaskin,
What happened to your post??? That is weird all that I see is my name....
It has been along time since I have seen you around here... Hope to see you back soon...

Amom2two, I told ya'll not to turn green with envy.. I will be praying that your little Hayden, start sleeping a little more at night..

Well I decided to go and do a little bit of Christmas shopping today.. Didn't really get much done though.. Got my MIL, and her dh's and got my FIL's... That is it... But I have already got a bunch of stuff to make some goodie baskets. That is what I am mainly giving to all the ladies on my list...
So I have been busy.. The boys went to a skating party tonight til 10:00 pm... So dh and I went out to eat, by ourselves... That was kinda nice..

Gina

[davisgaskin]

Gina,

Sorry about my last post. I'm not sure what happened. Anyway your post have been interesting & a great idea. I have been feeling some of the same waiting fears/anxiety that you have mentioned. I have made a early new years resolution that when I have one of those bad waiting moments that instead of worring I am going to Thank God for what He is going to do. It will all work out God will send us all the blessings He wants us to have we just have to keep the faith. God bless you.