[Jhorra]

Hi,

Adoption has really been on my heart for a while now, but has been on hold with the birth of our first child. Now that I see my son I hope I could still care and love for an adoped child the same way. I believe I could, and as I said, it's been on my heart for a while. My wife has said she would be behind me in it, but I want to make sure both of us are as committed to it as we need to be. How did you end up deciding to do it?

[GretschDrummer]

I have to respond by saying first that I am soon to be an adoptive father. I could never love my daughter more. As we count down the days until her birth, I just thank God for her creation. And as much as I already love her, even though she is not here yet, I have never thought I could love any child any differently.

If you are considering adoption and have to ask yourself if you would love an adopted child as much as a biological child, to me, you already know your answer. I am not telling you that you should not adopt. But prayerfully consider there are thousands of potential parents here that will love that child as much as ANY other. They won't hesitate to consider any other option. They just will love that child with all of their heart.

If you are unsure, please give someone else the opportunity. Please don't put that child where they will not be loved as much as another. That is wrong.

If I misunderstood your point, I apologize. If not, please consider my view.

Thank you for posting.

God bless you and your family.

GretschDrummer...

[mj77]

I am an adoptive mother and have no bio-kids.

Just as your bio-child came into your life in a special way, so does your adopted child. I worried that I wouldn't be able to fully love any child. When we first laid eyes on our son, we were overjoyed. More so than we could imagine. When I look at my son, I don't see someone elses child, I see my son that I labored for and birthed in my heart. I can't convince my heart that I didn't give birth to him. My head knows it but not my heart. The fact that his DNA does not show we are related means NOTHING in our day to day routine. I am sure you will see things this way as well.

Melissa

[amom4life]

Hi,
I have a bio son , an adopted daughter, and a newly adopted son(he's just 31/2 mos.), and we love them all the same. They are all our children and we feel the same about each of them. I don't think of any of them as being adopted in our day to day lives.

For me giving birth didn't make the child any more special than the two we adopted. We fell in love with each of them the minute we saw them. But then all the bio stuff doesn't matter to either of us. We just want to be parents and raise up children for the glory of God and for His kingdom. It doesn't matter how He brings them to us as they are all made in His image and He loves them all.
Judy

[Momof2andcats]

The thing that I have discovered with adoption is that it can not be a half hearted effort. There are so many financial and emotional considerations that I have come to one conclusion. If the paperwork, hurdles and hoops you have to jump through don't turn you off-you are ready for it.

I am talking from first hand experience. We adopted when I was young(just turned 21). We were reeling from IF and had many doubts and questions. Well-every time previous we backed out of adoption. We would start off all gung ho gathering documents and reading books-but then something would change our minds.

Finally when the time came to move ahead and either adopt or live child free-I embraced the paperwork and such! It was like we had been meant to do it all along!

I hope this makes sense. How we ended up making the decision to move ahead was over a period of a couple months. I am not a risk taker and I do not jump into *anything* without researching it to death first! So by the time we made the decision to move on with adoption-we both felt comfortable with it and haven't looked back!

Good luck to you! I don't think it is a matter of not loving a child that comes to you through adoption as much as a bio child-it is a matter of getting through the process. I am still overwhelmed about the love that I felt for my children even before we ever met them!

We had very easy adoptions and I clearly remember thinking "thank God we are so committed to this because it would be so easy just to quit and walk away from all of this" when things got a little rough. I have great admiration for couples that have multiple fall throughs, disruptions, scams etc and still move on forward! I hope this helps! -Sarah(mom of 2)

[CeraDad]

I have to agree with GretschDrummer. You can't go into this w/o your entire heart and soul in it. It is not fair to the child. One big question is, did you have difficulty conceiving your bio child? If not, what is the motivation. I am not slamming you for considering adoption, just wondering.

As an adult adoptee and adoptive father, I see 2 sides of the triad. I could not love my daughter any more than if she were my bio daughter. I do not even think of it. She is the love of my life. The other day she came up to me, hugged my leg and said "I love you, Daddy". I couldn't believe it. She'll be 2 in June and did this on her own.

As for how we came to the decision, we started talking about it after the first couple of months of trying to conceive. We simply sat down and discussed how far we were willing to try to conceive a child. We simply said we would not go for anything more invasive than AI.

Please pray and discuss this issue together. Adoption can be and is a wonderful institution as long as everyone is going into it for the sole purpose of helping a child. If you are considering it for reasons other than the child, I beg and implore you not to do it.

[Kelli]

Originally posted by amom4life
We just want to be parents and raise up children for the glory of God and for His kingdom. It doesn't matter how He brings them to us as they are all made in His image and He loves them all.
Judy

Amen Judy! This is truly what loving children is all about and what God has commanded us as Christians to do.

Peace and blessings,

Kelli

[Jhorra]

Well the main reason I ask, is that before having my bio child I couldn't have imagined loving a child that much. It's something indescribable. I am still gung ho about adoption as it's something I've thought about for a long time. I just don't want to let a child down like that.

[mj77]

Jhorra,
I have that same unconditional love for my son. I really feel I would lay down my life for him. I love him so much I cry from joy sometimes. This love has nothing to do with blood or DNA, it has to do with me being a mom to my son, just as it will be as you are a dad to your child.

Melissa

[jude4691]

Hi,
I think I may be coming in with a very different view here and maybe my feelings are unique to me.
I'm adopted and have always wanted to adopt.We've had our new daughter with us for a year.She is 8.

Ireally believe she is the right child for us and God answered our prayers and we were chosen out of a large number of prospective parents. It is different to having a birth child( maybe bonding is harder with an older child due to attachment issues), and for a few months I felt I didn't love her .I really wanted tobut there wasn't the same connection as with my birth children.

I prayed about it asking God to give me love for her,and felt He was saying love is action as well as feeling.Just as I'd had to trust Him to get us through assessment,matching,etc, I needed to trust Him to help me love her.

One night she had a major temper tantrum and I had to restrain her.When it all calmed down I felt I had seen the real child for the first time. The next day when I looked at her I felt I loved her .
God can give us the resources we need but sometimes it's a while coming so we truly learn to trust Him.Our faith grows through difficulties.

jude

[mj77]

I am sure it goes both ways with adopted and biological kids. I know moms who've had a very difficult time attatching to their birth children, I know adopted parents who have had difficulty bonding as well. All in all, what I have seen is there is really no difference in the childs genetics that sways a willing adoptive parent to love. I understand some people who have had special needs children have had a harder time bonding. My aunt had a difficult time bonding with her son while he was going through drug withdrawls but another aunt of mine, with her 4th biological child had a difficult time bonding with her and she was healthy.

[ellia3]

It was God who lead to us adoption. After Ivf , a successsful 1st cycle of Ivf, then the 2nd trimester miscarriage. I prayed and asked to lead. My prayer was God do you want complete our family via adoption or another cycle of Ivf. One night I was lying in my bed and in a dream God revealed to me some babies grow in one mommie's tummy but go on to grow in another mommie's heart. This was my confirmation that God plan for our family was adoption. Five months later we brought our sweet baby girl home. Through adoption I have learned to love someone else more than myself. What a blessing she is to me! Good Luck!

[jewelewis]

I dont think your concern is any different then parents feel when the have just bio children. I have friends who when they were pregnant with the second or third child said they cant imagine loving this child as much as the others. I read a church bill board the other day that says "Maternal (patarnal in this case) love is Gods math. It multiplies as it divides."

[Wilna]

We are in the process of adopting after a lot of dissapointments through my inability to carry a baby past the first 2 months. My husband suggested adoption, but I was also worried that I would not be able to love my adopted child with all my heart, body and soul. We prayed about it for a about a year and now God gave me peace in my heart that adoption is the way that He want to bring our child to us. I have 4 adult children from a previous marriage and I know now that I will love this child just the same.

[ebur]

We decided to adopt after trying to became pregnant for 5 years and then we prayed and talked about it for two years before going ahead we looked at a few chilren that were not for us god had those children for someone else. We decided to take a break, then one day our sw called and said we have a 10 year old boy we would like you to look at for your family. Well God gave us our son that day, we are now in the middle of visits with him and cant wait for it to be final and yes i love him just like he was born to me. God will let you know.....