[amaz5]

We are adopting a sibling group of 3 boys. The oldest is 2 yrs, the second is 15 months, and the 3rd is one month.
We are trying to prepare ourselves for when to talk to them about adoption but are really unsure of how to approach it or what to say exactly. We don't want adopted to be their primary definition of self. I hope that makes sense. We feel that being adopted is just a part of who they are and their history but is not their number one definition. Gosh, I hope I'm explaining this right.
Anyway, any suggestions on when would be good to start talking about it, how to get started, what books would be good, etc would be a huge help.
They are truly a blessing and gift from God. We can't begin to express our emotions or our love for these boys because words just won't do it. Hopefully, some of you out there can help us out so we can share the truth with the boys early on.

Thanks!
Emmy

Hi there, You are explaining yourself just fine.

I am an adoptee that has had genrally no problem with being adopted. I think the reason being that adoption in our house was never a secret. It was part of normal everyday conversation. Well maybe not everyday, but it could have been!. I credit my parents with not making it something to be ashamed of...it was just a fact...

They "told"us about it long before we could understand...told us what happened....we were born in someones elses tummy, she was unable to take care of us...but she loved us very much, It became in my mind "the story"...how socia;l worker brought us to them, ect, ect, We knew the whole story(well, only what they knew) and always had access to our non idenitfy info. It was always a positive thing. As a young child, I would watch t.v. and see an american indian or a princess and say "Thats my mother" Mom let me have my fantasies, never became defensive, always let us say anything about the subjecat and allowed as many questions as we wanted to ask.

When I grew up and had my own children she would tell themm the whole thing over and over as they asked" How mommy came into our family"



IMO,...The fact that they are adopted should always be known, it should't be a situation where you have to "sit down and have the talk"...in my mind "having the talk" connotates something serious and grave. If they use the word adopted before they can equate anything neg to it...it becomes just part of who they are!!

I was 2 1/2 years old when I was adopted and I accepted what my mom and dad told me....I never felt ashamed, rejected, or abandonaned. I credit my mom and daad for that. They allowed me to be who I was, their daughter and the daughter of my birtmom.

Donna

[amom4life]

Emmy,
I couldn't say it any better than Donna just did and I agree with her. Just wanted to add that those of us who are Christians are also adopted into God's family. I think this is also something to be talked about a lot.

I'm sure there are other good books out there but I'd start with the bible
Judy

[KSAB]

Hi
My son is 4 yrs old and we started out reading books to him
about adoption from the day we brought him home. When he was
about 3 yrs old we started to show him thru example what
adoption means. ( we found a dog and we adopted the dog
and we talked about it so he can understand). He has not asked
any question. Every night we read books or tell stories and
one of the stories is how he was adopted and how God
brought our families together (bmom) he knows who is bmom
is but I do not think he has made the connection, he does
know that his bmom (Alison) does love him and he has always
known her.
Every night when we say our prayers we thank god for bring
us together thru adoption and now that he is 4 he knows
the pray himself.


Sarah

[amaz5]

Thank you all for your wonderful replies. We truly appreciate them and the great insight you've provided Donna. We never want our boys to feel ashamed or different either so you are absolutely right in saying we should make it an open topic.
And what a great example in saying we are all adopted into God's family! Sometimes we need to re-focus and that helped us to put things into perspective. We also have adopted all our pets from different situations so they are all a living example and a testament of love in our household.
Thanks again everyone.

Emmy

[amaz5]

Judy, just wanted to add....Elijah is gorgeous! Congratulations!

[amom4life]

Originally posted by amaz5
Judy, just wanted to add....Elijah is gorgeous! Congratulations!

Thank you!

[z&j'smom]

Hello. Definately talk about adoption from the very beginning. Our son, Zachary, was adopted from Russia when he was 15 months old. He's 3 1/2 now. We have always talked about his story of adoption and our "big" trip home. We also have a scrapbook that we look at that shows our journey. During our adoption process, I got pregnant (after 3 years of fertility treatments, miscariages....), so we also have a 2 year old son, Justin. We talk to them both together about families and try to explain to Zac that there was a boy in Russia whose mommy and daddy couldn't take care of him and there was a mommy and daddy who didn't have a little boy and God brought us together and that's how we became a family (and then Justin was born too, so our family got bigger). It gets tricky sometimes because now Justin wants a special trip and adoption day celebration...

We truly believe that Zac was meant to be in our family and try to explain that to him (as best as you can to a 3 year old). Our plan is that he will always know he is adopted and that he is unique and extremely special. Right now, at his age adoption is just a word, but as he gets older we want all of his thoughts of adoption to be positive and to prepare him to counter any negative he may encounter later on in his life.

We have a really good book that we like called "A Blessing From Above" by Patti Henderson. It's a great story that introduces adoption on the level of a 2-4 year old.

Dana

Zachary, born 8/12/00 in Krasnodar, Russia came home 11/27/01
Justin, born 3/21/02 bio

[riley6]

Our kids were all older than yours when we first got them, but we told them that we had prayed and wished for children JUST like them for a very long time. We let them know how happy we are that God made us a family and that I get to be their mommy. My kids all know their biomoms, so it's not an issue for us in whose body they grew. Will you be having an open adoption?

I love the book "Blessings from above". My kids always sit so quietly when I read it. My 5 yr old now is trying to read it herself. She just knows the little bird is a girl, bc SHE is a girl!

How long have you had your children? Congratulations!

[Jhorra]

Sorry, this was supposed to be a not post, not a reply.

[mj77]

I have gotten ideas from reading the book Talking With Young Children About Adoption. We have always been open about adoption with our son in that it is talked about just like we did when my cousin gave birth to her baby. Because it is just another way children and parents come into each other's lives, we have never made any big deal about it making it sound rare. My hope is that our son will just think it is no big deal that he was adopted. Not to say that adoption isn't special--it is, but I don't want him feeling different in a negative way.

[chrismat]

My son is almost five and he loves to watch the video of the trip to Romania when my husband and I went to get him. We copied the video tape and added additional famliy outings to it. So the video tape from Romania is not a seperate family event. The tape he watches goes from Romania, home, to the beach with his cousins, Birthday parties, Christmas, etc. His adoption is seen as part of his history like everything else he has experienced in his 5 years of life.


He has not really asked alot of questions other than who his Foster Mother was on the video. He has not connected all the dots yet but I am sure that will come soon and he will ask more about adoption.

Jackie

[manon]

So far what I've been telling my 2 1/2 yr old (she's been home from Russia here with me since she turned 2 yrs old) is that I feel so lucky to get to be her mom, and that I wish I could have been her mom all along, but I came to Russia to get her as soon as I knew about her.

I've also just barely started telling her that babies grow in a special place in their birth mom's tummy, and that she grew in another woman's tummy. She has seemed totally not to have a clue what I'm talking about yet & she seems totally disinterested so far about it. Maybe after we see someone we know pregnant & then with a baby it'll make more sense to her.