[Nancy57]

Hello,

I am seriously considering adopting as a single woman. I am 46 (but am told by everyone who learns my age that they thought I was 10 - 15 years younger - yay!). I am a Christian, and am seeking God's will in this for my life. I would love to marry and have a child as well as adopt, but for now, that isn't what is happening. I have wanted to be a mother nearly all of my life, and have been praying about this for several years. I have had a very influencial role in the raising of my niece who is now seven, and she and I are very close. What a blessing! But my hunger to be a mother myself is tremendous.

I am trying to learn the positives and negatives about adopting as a single woman, as well as adopting in general, and would appreciate prayers for God to guide me through this, or to clearly shut the door so I can try and move on. It breaks my heart to think of never having children, even as it breaks my heart to think of standing up alone with my child/children during the dedication service. I have always imagined parenting with a husband, not as a single. However, I also know I am strong enough to parent solo, and will joyfully follow if this is where God is leading me.

Right now, my biggest concerns are my work schedule and affording childcare. I am an RN, and currently work a 40 hour week in a hospital, day/evening. Many childcare facilities don't open until 6:30, and I most often have to be at work by 7 a.m. I can possibly get a bit of extension on the arrival time, but if I work a 12 hour shift, most childcare facilities aren't open that long. And, that makes for an unbearably long day for a child. While I could probably arrange to work 8 hour shifts, that would push me into a 5 day a week, every other weekend schedule, which just feels like I would never have enough free time with a child. My preference would be to somehow work from home, at least part time(with the other part staffing at the hospital), to be the one influencing my child/children on a daily basis, but I have no idea what that would be.

As far as affording childcare, especially as I think I would like to adopt a 2 child caucasion sibling group here in the U.S., the costs in my city are high. In fact, my work's rate is one of the highest! (Wouldn't you think it would be lower for employees???) I can't imagine affording $750 per month for one child, much less whatever a second child would cost. I've actually thought about a nanny to come to my home, which may turn out to be the best.

Well, that's where I am right now. I have more adoption websites bookmarked than I can count. I am appalled that agencies put a premium on caucasion babies/children. When you look at the way rates are set, it's pretty obvious. I wish I had a contact for a private adoption that could be handled through lawyers, and skip the agency route altogether. As an OB/L&D nurse, I sometimes work with moms planning on adoption for their babies, but due to ethic rules/laws, cannot be involved in one of those adoptions. Years ago it was possible, but no more.

Well, that is a little bit about me. Would love any help/guidence.

Sincerely,
Nancy LeSac

[mj77]

Have you thought about looking into state adoption through your department of social services? It is pretty much free and you would get a monthly adoption subsidy payment as well as health insurance until they are 18. This would help out with some of the expenses. I will pray for God's direction to be clear in you life in this matter.

Melissa

[georgiagirl]

I adopted as a single christian parent. He is now almost 4. I use a daycare for hospital employees and medical daycare when he is still recovering from temps, etc. The daycare is open from 6:00 am to 8 pm. He must be fever free for 24 hours before he can return to daycare, so I use medical daycare which is staffed by a nurse. I also used a sitter for him when he was very small.

Hindsight is 20/20. I would now use a private sitter with as few children as possible because children catch so many things in daycare. I would suggest asking people who they use for childcare. I located someone by checking with people in my church. The cost of daycare may not be as high. It has been extremely important for me to have consistency in childcare providers and consistency in routine.

There are lots of advantages to adopting single. We spend lots of time together and we go lots of places. He knows lots of people. Make sure that you have in place or build a large support group. BTW, I started dating a great guy after I adopted.

[Nancy57]

Thank you both for your suggestions/prayers. It certainly is an interesting journey. I find it interesting, as well, that more and more single Christian women are adopting. I had to smile reading your comment, georgiagirl, about beginning to date a great guy after adopting. My sister said to me recently, "Maybe God's plan is for you to meet the right man because you adopted."

Nancy