[All Boys]

Hello I am new to this.. My husband and I have just started looking into the adoption process. We have 3 boys and we would like to adopt a baby girl. We are christians and are raising our boys in church. I feel as though God is leading us in this direction. But I'm not sure yet which way we are to go, international, or through open adoption here in america. From everything that I have read on the internet, it is very hard to adopt a new born girl from here in the U.S.
I would greatly appreciate all of your prayers... Thank You!!

[Sharon]

I'm not sure it would be all that difficult to adopt a newborn girl domestically, especially if you are flexible about contact and openness. Most babies placed through agencies are voluntarily relinquished at birth, with bmom and aparents matched before the birth... of course, if you plan to adopt through the foster care system, it will be next to impossible to get a newborn, unless the baby was part of a sibling group. If you adopt internationally, I'm not sure you'd be able to get a newborn either... it seems like there's a waiting period in most countries, where the baby is kept either in a foster home (Guatamala) or an orphanage (most other countries, as far as I can tell). You might be able to get a baby through international adoption (under a year old), but probably not a newborn. I think your best chance at getting a newborn girl would be through domestic agency adoption, where all the babies placed are newborns, and I'm assuming at least half are girls. I'm a birthmom, not an adoptive mom, so I don't know too much about it... I've just learned a little bit about adoption from reading these forums. I'm sure some of the adoptive moms here can give you some good advice about how to get started.
Best wishes to you!
Sincerely, ~ Sharon

[paperchasingmom]

Congratulations on this journey God has led you to start thinking about....it's a tough decision....one that starts out nice and sweet and then goes into one requiring much patience and dedication and opens up a whole new world for you and your family!

Thought I'd jump right in here to share what we've learned so far....

International adoption, for the MOST part, do not offer newborns (that I know of....) but, sometimes can provide young babies, sometimes as young as 4 months, (Guatamala, Korea).

And believe it or not, there are age limitations in regards to adoptive parents ages in order to qualify to be eligible to adopt....plus, marriage requirements (how long you've been married, etc.) you'll probably pass that though.....you can check to see what those age groups are....different countries require the adoptive parents to be between specific ages....I'll give you some websites at the bottom you can look at that will show alot of this information....

Some things to consider in international adoptions....like Sharon touched upon....some hopeful adoptive moms like the idea of adopting a baby/child that has been under "foster care" for they feel, (as do officials) that foster care is a more positive situation for the waiting children, as opposed to orphanages that house the children row after row after row (I'm sure they do the best they can, but....)....

Foster children, they are probably cared for better in terms of having more one on one attention which is crucial for a baby/ child.... Korea offers foster care as well as Guatamala too...

ANOTHER very important consideration is, especially since you already have children at home, IS TRAVELING to a foreign country, is this something you feel like you can do and want to do?

Some people don't like the idea of having to leave their bio children at home when they travel -- you don't have to leave them at home, but some parents leave their biological children at home due to cost of having them fly or also just because the adoptive parents want the first visit with their new adoptive child to be just them, the aparents, bonding with that child first, some good alone time with their new child....and then introducing the rest of the children and families to their new child later when they get home to the U.S.

But this is something that is a personal decision for you...but a very important one since you have 3 children at home....do you have someone you can leave your children with while you're gone? or do you want to bring them???? You can count on being in your adoptive country for at least a week to two weeks to some countries, maybe a month!

Or do you even want to travel AT ALL? If traveling to another country is not something you feel you can do, some countries offer to escort the child back to the states here for you--no traveling required...you pay a fee to have the agency to have someone bring you your child....THAT is very appealing to me....

Haiti, Korea, Guatamala they all offer escorts......

I think, there may be more paperwork required to adopt internationally too, more clearances before you can enter their country and be qualified to adopt internationally....

With international too, you pretty much need to use an agency...don't try to do this alone...don't try to do this through private attorneys. Most countries REQUIRE you use an agency that is approved by them, an agency here....which, believe me, is the BEST way to go...you want professionals who do this all the time....international adoption is very, very complicated and you want expert advice and guidance and they are a godsend.

You said you're looking to adopt a girl, China then would offer you pretty much the sure chance to adopt a girl....some countries don't allow you to be guaranteed the sex of a child, but China has such an abundance of little girls that you can rest assured that's what you'll be matched with....

China does however, from what I've seen, refer children a little older...toddler's....but maybe they do 6 months, too. But from what I've seen, mostly over one year....

America World Adoption Agency is a great, christian organization and I've personally met the owners who have adopted from China and when they went to China and saw the abundance of little girls, God placed a calling on their hearts to help other little ones, so they started America World Adoption Agency years back....lovely, lovely people....

Their website is: www.AWAA.org China adoptions typically run about $15,000 to $20,000 which would include travel fees as well, for two people....China DOES REQUIRE you travel though, (only one trip) but the great thing about China is, they do sooooo many adoptions to the U.S. so this process is a smooth one for adoptive parents, plus, you'll travel with alot of other parents too and there's a strong network for China adoptive couples....you'll never be alone in your process...plus there's a big networking group that meets after they return and all families can stay in touch with each other if they'd like....

Another thing is, some countries require TWO TRIPS, like Russia, Ukraine, you go over there to see the child you're matched with and then you're given an opportunity to say yes or no and then you leave and they process your paperwork and then you have to RETURN AGAIN to pick up your new adopted child and finalize!

That's very hard I would think leaving your adopted baby there while you return to the states waiting for finalization....some people find that difficult to do....

Holt International Adoption AGency is a very large adoption agency as well as Wide Horizon's. They both do alot of different kinds of international adoptions....you can either find them on the web or call them....

Their websites is: www.holtinternational.org and for Wide Horizon's just do a search...

I also really like Hand in Hand Adoption AGency...I've recently heard good things about them....their phone number is 260-636-3566. Their email address is: Indiana@hihiadopt.org.

From wht I know, international adoptions from start to finish, take about at least a year to two years....from the initial decision on what country, what agency, what age, to the start of your paperwork, application, homestudy, passports, BCIS immigration paperwork, fingerprinting, approval, to match/referral, travel, finalization....

Another thing to consider, between domestic and international is something that is so obvious but yet overlooked....these children are of different cultures and there will probably be more challenges, discussion regarding them in terms of when you have your child home with them, there are issues that you will be faced with regarding them being of different cultures...I think people will be more apt to be inquisitive, discuss this, since you can tell they're from another country, so one thing to consider is, your child will always not look quite like you being their from another country and a different nationality, and there will be an opportunity for you to have to discuss this with other people who are inquisitive...

Now I know I'm really delving into some things here, but, you just need to be aware that this will be a topic that will forever be a part of your family and will always be present (in some way or another) and it will be up to you how you want to handle it....
So I think you need to look into your comfort level and see what you feel as a family you would adequately be able to accept...

More importantly, you owe it to that child to have that child's culture be a part of their life here in the states--it is very important for some countries to see that their child has a chance to learn alot about their origin and be proud of it and they want to see that that is a big part of their lives here in America....

Some questions to ask yourself, do you always want to have another country's culture be a part of your life FOREVER? Of course, the United States is very diverse too, but if you want a child that looks more closely like your family, whatever it is, it might be easier to accomplish that from adopting domestically.....

Can you picture, your daughter, being of a different nationality than you? Can you picture, years from now, having a grown daughter that is of Chinese descent...Korean descent, Haitian descent....Russian descent, Guatamalan?

If so, then I think international adoption offers something wonderful for you to consider....beautiful children, all needing a forever home!!!

Hope this helps a little....

We wish you well on this journey God has placed you on.....

Feel free to chat anytime!

Blessings,

Melody

[JAK]

Hi

Our little boy was adopted through Children's Home Society of Minnesota. He was born in Bogota, Colombia in February of 1999. We got the referral at two months, were on the plane two weeks later, and had him in our arms at 10 weeks old!

We had a wonderful adoption experience but it was longer than we anticipated being in country and much more expensive. We were in Bogota, Colombia for 9 1/2 weeks, had a wonderful time, got very frustrated with the courts because we were there almost the longest of anyone (average time is 3 to 6 weeks).

The cost was $30,000 which was very very expensive for us and we put a second mortgage on the house to pay for it. Its expensive to adopt internationally!!!

On the otherhand, he's worth every penny and we'd go back through the same agency to Colombia for a sister for him in a heartbeat if we could. We were told at 38 and 40 (we went through 10 years of infertility before pursuing adoption) that we were too old for the program (the age limit had changed from 40 to 35 while we were going through the program) and if we wanted to adopt again, we would have had to complete it by the time my husband was 42. We would have had to start the process again when Lucas was 1 years old (2000) but were financially strapped and emotionally not ready.

Also, just a note, different countries have different ethnicities just like the states. Our son surprisingly looks like our birthchild (he is white, light brown hair, and hazel brown eyes and has physical features of us both - his eyes and hair look like my husbands, and his skin and chin look like mine.

Our biggest regret is not finding a way to adopt again through the same agency.

Hope this helps.

[GreenThumb]

Hi All Boys,

Welcome to the forum.

My husband and I are waiting to adopt domestically so I thought I'd share the very positive experience we're having. We are not finding it hard at all. We did a lot of calling and interviewing of agencies to find just the right fit for us. One size does not fit all and you'll likely be working with these folks for an extended time.

I'd suggest you bag the internet for this (no offense intended to anyone) and call agencies and attornies in your local area. They will be able to tell you just what is and isn't do-able. You'll probably be surprised by how flexible things can be with the right professionals.

One thing to keep in mind though, if you want to specify gender, you may want to go international. We have yet to find an agency that allows this domestically. If you think about it, it makes sense, since birth parents usually choose adoptive parents before the baby's born and many don't know the gender. Can we say to a birth parent, "Yes, we'd love to adopt your child, but only if it's a girl," and have anyone feel good about it? What would that do to a relationship we've formed over time and how damaging would that be to the birthparents to suddenly have to change plans if they don't produce the desired gender? (These are rhetorical questions.) I don't say these things to discourage you, but to offer some food for thought.

I hope you find just the right path for you and your family. This may sound simple, but remember that God has this all under control.

[paperchasingmom]

I think calling around locally is good IF you're going with domestic, definitely, plus most small, local adoption agencies or attorneys don't have a website usually (our first attorney never even had an office--that should have clued us in.....)

But for international adoptions, unless you live where there's these particular agencies, chances are they're not going to be local....like for us, for our Philippine adoption, there is not ONE ADOPTION AGENCY IN THE STATE WE LIVE IN PLUS 4 STATES AROUND US that do Philippine adoptions....in fact there's not a whole lot of agencies that do Philippine adoptions, so we can't call locally. So to get quick, fast, reliable, (after hours) information on the agencies that do adoptions internationally, the internet, their websites offer some great, initial information and then of course, you call the ones you'd like to speak to!!!

Plus, if you were to call them first, they're going to tell you "Can we send a packet out to you" and if you're like me YOU CAN'T WAIT, so seeing something now is better than nothing!

Just a thought!!!

Blessings,

Melody

[paperchasingmom]

I meant to say congratulations to Jak and her baby boy!!!!!! He sounds perfect!!! Congratulations!

and GreenThumb-I'm so glad you're having a positive experience with your domestic adoption...that warms my heart to hear that all is going well. We'll keep you in our prayers as you await the arrival of your little one!!!

Blessings,

Melody

[All Boys]

[color=purple]Hey there I just wanted to say Thank You to your replys. Like I said before we have started looking into the process. And we really want a little girl. Because we already have boys. But to here all of talk I feel really bad, because I have been so blessed by God to have bio-children, I feel as if I am being selfish wanting to adopt. But I have always wanted to have a girl. Last year I had to have a hystorectumy at a young age and can't have the bio- daughter I have always wanted to have. I thought I would be okay not having a girl, but here in the last few months that is all I can think about. So my husband I talked about it and decided to try for adoption. But now that I have read all of these stories I don't know if I should even try.

I mean I'm sure most birthmoms are going to want to place their daughters with those that don't have children first. And I can't blame them, that is how I would feel to I think.

Well Thanks for all of the help..

I also want to say I love to read all the stories on the forum. It is really neat to be able to discuss adoption with other people who are going through it and know alot about it. I don't really know anyone that ahs adopted, other step-child adoption.

[paperchasingmom]

Gosh, please don't feel like you don't have a "right" to adopt, of course you definitely do!!!!!! It's whatever God places on your heart....I understand what you're saying about feeling blessed because of your beautiful biological children God has brought to you, but please don't feel as if just because you have biological children already, you shouldn't be "allowed" to adopt....

There are so many children that need loving, unselfish homes, just like yours and believe it or not, some birthmothers LIKE the idea that there's already children in the home so their child will grow up with BIG BROTHERS!! They actually choose families that ALREADY have children, so please, on both of those accounts, don't feel like we're telling you no, you shouldn't adopt....not by any means....just the opposite, I think we're trying to help you!

Again, China would be perfect if you want a little girl, hands down, thousands upon thousand upon thousands of little girls that the Chinese people DON'T WANT.....and it's such a smooth adoption process too...wonderful, just wonderful....

I really implore you to look into chinese adoption, just because that's your hearts desire to have a daughter and since you're not able to any longer have a child, the "biological" way, you can definitely still have your dream fulfilled the adopted way!!! Again, don't feel like you shouldn't be exploring your feelings about this, because you should.....and you deserve to.....

Please look at any of those websites, call these great people and they'll also send out packets to you and then you and your husband pray about it....

I would hate for you to miss out on a huge blessing just because you felt like you shouldn't because of the reason you stated.....

Us adoptive moms, at least me, I don't feel bad when I see other "biological" moms trying to adopt, just the opposite....I think it's wonderful.....adopting isn't a "club" just for infertile couples--it's a wonderful, blessed, endeavour that is open to any with a loving, caring heart! and that sounds just like you!! and sadly enough, there's not enough people like us to adopt all the waiting children in the world, so we welcome the fact that someone else has chosen to adopt, for we know, another orphan has just found a forever home!!! and that makes my heart happy!!!!

Give those people a call....you never know where God will lead you.....

We'll keep you in our prayers,

Blessings always,

Melody

[enerad]

I agree about using a local agency in your area for domestic adoption. We chose to use an local agency. I like the fact, I have a person to talk with face to face, and we are not just an application.

So our process as been very positive as well, and we are just waiting for a little one.

[All Boys]

Hey thanks for the encouragement Melody.

I have felt that God was leading me in this direction, but then after I found the forum and started reading some of the threads on here I felt terrible and realized how many women wanted to have a child and couldn't. And yet I am blessed with 3 beautiful,and smart boys (I'm not bragging). And now here I am asking God to give me more and being picky about it on top of it all.

So I am doing alot of praying because our family is a christian family and we all love God with all of our hearts and only want his will to be done in our life and in our home.

[amom4life]

Hi All boys,
Please don't feel guilty or selfish for wanting to adopt or for desiring a girl since you already have boys. This is a good thing that you want to do and God bless you in your journey!

There are a lot of families who have adopted before and after having bio children. There is nothing at all wrong with that.There are even families who can have bio children but choose to adopt instead because they feel there are so many children already on earth who need loving homes.

Let this be a happy time for your family. No dark clouds of guilt hanging over you. you have just as much right as anyone else to adopt a child. Not to mention that if God is calling, you better listen!

What age girl do you want? Usually figuring what you are wanting or are gifted in as far a child goes will also help in the decision of if you will go through an agency, facilitator, International, or state.

Oh, I just read your original post so I see you want an infant. My friends just adopted an infant girl two mos. ago through a facilitator. There are baby girls through domestic adoption.
Judy

[All Boys]

Hey Thanks for the encouraging words. I am trying to make this such a positive experance for the kids. They are so excited. They would love to have a baby sister. They talk about it all the time. My youngest son asks all of the time when are we getting our baby sister?
We would like to have a from a newborn to 2 or maybe 3. But no older than 3. And I would be willing to adopt fron china, or guatamolia. But I would like to adopt demostically if possible.
But like I said I want God to send me the daughter that he wants us to raise..

God bless You!!

[pgjennig]

Hi, I'm also a mother of 3 bio children . 2 boys, 1 girl. I'm still fertile. However we have always wanted to adopt, and lately I have been thinking about it non-stop. My husband has been talking about it and is as excited as I am. I can't explain why we want this so bad other than to say it is a God given desire. Of course then I doubt myself and wonder if this is just something I want real bad and maybe I'm trying to convince myself it is Gods will. We have always wanted a large family, through bio and Adoption. My absolute favorite stage is infant, though I am finding how wonderful each new stage is as we are getting to them, I really don't want to miss that time with my 'future' child. We would prefer a girl to even the score, but are open to either.
I think that about describes the whole of it. I have lots of fears that we won't be chosen, that I'm being selfish, that I'm taking away a childless couples chance... But even with these feelings the desire is growing more every day. I feel as excited as I did when the due date was close at hand with each bio. How is your research going? I do have a little advice. Ohio state has infant/young toddlers available. All the girls were 1 when I last checked, but that is in your age range. Public adoption (from what I am seeing) seems to be cheaper/ somewhat easier.

Keep me informed!
Jenni

[dd0031]

Hello all,
I do recognize some names on this forum and as usual their advice is that of an expert...a christian expert, no less.

I too have 2 bio children and feel God has placed adoption on my heart. However, inasmuch as we've been blessed with having that "infant experience" I do feel that God is calling us to adopt a child who is older. I seem to think the vast majority of people want to adopt infants (which is understandable). However, it leaves me thinking of all the children who are older that also need a forever home.
From the research you all have done, do you think it makes more sense to look domestically or internationally for a child who is age 3 or 4? We don't necessariy want to adopt a caucasian child, though my family is caucasian, so we're open to international, however I get scared when I see the prices...

I don't know..just wanted to know what you all thought.

Thanks
Danielle