[dd0031]

HI!
I am new to this forum and am hoping to gain some insight as to how other chrisitan adoptive parents respond to my question.
My husband and I, who are both born-again, have 2 bio children(daughter who is 9 and son who is 8) God has placed adoption on my heart for a long time now. It hasn't been until recently that I have started researching adoption and praying about it with my family (who are supportive) However, my father tells me that I making the biggest mistake of my life. He feels that I am taking my children and their well-being and "rolling the dice" with their lives. My intention has always been to adopt a child age 2-5. Inasmuch as I've been blessed with having infants biologically, I feel that I/we are the perfect answer to a toddler who may be overlooked just because he is a little older. My father says I have no idea if this adopted child will get along with my children, they may clash, it would be horrible and there is, of course, no turning back. I have to admit, he took the wind out of my sails and now I'm questioning if this is right or wrong. I pray that I will hear the Lord's answer. I do feel He is guiding me, but my father has always had a profound influence on me.

If anyone has adopted a child into a home where there were children already, can you respond to this? Any insight would be helpful.

In His love,
Danielle

[Barksum]

I know where you are coming from! My father also was really not thrilled with the idea of my husband and I adopting.

My DH and I have one biological child, and were advised to not have more due to some complications, ongoing health stuff, etc. ANYway...we had one child, age 7, when we started into the adoption arena. My father was very concerned because not only were we adopting, but we were adopting from the state foster system, and the child would not be a baby, and the child would, in all likelihood be special needs.

His fears were motivated out of care for my Dh and I and our Dd. I know that he was concerned that we not be hurt. But, as I'm sure you've realized by now, parenting can be very painful in many ways! I am able to speak from experience here, whether the child is biological or not!

This situation was difficult for me because I wanted to honor and respect my father, but I didn't agree with him. My Dh listened respectfully to my father's concerns, but then also made it clear that this is where we believed God was leading us.

I believe that while we are to give our earthly parents due honor, we are to give obedience to our heavenly Father above all others. I was also abiding by my husband's decision as the head of my family. My husband and I were making decisions that involved "leaving and cleaving" unto each other, ("...a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave...") so that my husband making these decisions with my cooperation and support was not being disrespectful or dishonoring to my father. It wasn't always easy or stress free, but it was not wrong to pursue adoption.

When looking at having children you also must remember that all children come from the Lord, whether through adoption or birth. God is the one who controls the womb (look it up in your concordence and you will see that this is often referenced throughout the Bible). God also controls where children are placed adoptively. I've known couples who have the desire to adopt, have completed homestudies, and are still waiting for a child nine years later. God is in control. Just because you make yourself available doesn't mean that you will have a child placed with you.

Our story has continued on and my husband and I have one biological child (aged 10 1/2), an adopted child (age 5) and another adopted child (age 2). Both of our adoptions are "special needs" involving neglect, and prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol. My father has accepted and loves without reservation both of these children that God brought into our family through adoption.

Has this been hard on our biological child? Well, yes...but I think that having siblings requires all children to learn to not be self centered, to learn patience, to grow in grace, to practise mercy, and on and on. As we all know, learning patience and mercy and showing love can be downright painful at times. It isn't easy to learn to die to self, is it? Do any of us have an easy time giving up what we want right now and allowing someone else to take what we don't want to give? However, this is what all Believers are called to do in Christ, so while at times this has been painful for our biological child to go through the fruits have been good and blessed.

Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it. Adoption is not an easy path to take, but if this is the path that God is leading you to take it is the best path for you to be on.

We are in the process of working toward a possible third adoption. It still isn't easy, but I'm learning (a little at a time!) to rest in God's promises and to wait upon Him, and to lean NOT on my own understanding.

Hope this is of some encouragement. I'm not sure if I was clear in all that I wrote, but not only do we have 3 children we also now do foster care (yes, God leads us in places we don't always see ourselves going!) and I have 2 extra children right now. My brain doesn't always put things together on paper as well as it used to!

[Barksum]

I know where you are coming from! My father also was really not thrilled with the idea of my husband and I adopting.

My DH and I have one biological child, and were advised to not have more due to some complications, ongoing health stuff, etc. ANYway...we had one child, age 7, when we started into the adoption arena. My father was very concerned because not only were we adopting, but we were adopting from the state foster system, and the child would not be a baby, and the child would, in all likelihood be special needs.

His fears were motivated out of care for my Dh and I and our Dd. I know that he was concerned that we not be hurt. But, as I'm sure you've realized by now, parenting can be very painful in many ways! I am able to speak from experience here, whether the child is biological or not!

This situation was difficult for me because I wanted to honor and respect my father, but I didn't agree with him. My Dh listened respectfully to my father's concerns, but then also made it clear that this is where we believed God was leading us.

I believe that while we are to give our earthly parents due honor, we are to give obedience to our heavenly Father above all others. I was also abiding by my husband's decision as the head of my family. My husband and I were making decisions that involved "leaving and cleaving" unto each other, ("...a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave...") so that my husband making these decisions with my cooperation and support was not being disrespectful or dishonoring to my father. It wasn't always easy or stress free, but it was not wrong to pursue adoption.

When looking at having children you also must remember that all children come from the Lord, whether through adoption or birth. God is the one who controls the womb (look it up in your concordence and you will see that this is often referenced throughout the Bible). God also controls where children are placed adoptively. I've known couples who have the desire to adopt, have completed homestudies, and are still waiting for a child nine years later. God is in control. Just because you make yourself available doesn't mean that you will have a child placed with you.

Our story has continued on and my husband and I have one biological child (aged 10 1/2), an adopted child (age 5) and another adopted child (age 2). Both of our adoptions are "special needs" involving neglect, and prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol. My father has accepted and loves without reservation both of these children that God brought into our family through adoption.

Has this been hard on our biological child? Well, yes...but I think that having siblings requires all children to learn to not be self centered, to learn patience, to grow in grace, to practise mercy, and on and on. As we all know, learning patience and mercy and showing love can be downright painful at times. It isn't easy to learn to die to self, is it? Do any of us have an easy time giving up what we want right now and allowing someone else to take what we don't want to give? However, this is what all Believers are called to do in Christ, so while at times this has been painful for our biological child to go through the fruits have been good and blessed.

Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it. Adoption is not an easy path to take, but if this is the path that God is leading you to take it is the best path for you to be on.

We are in the process of working toward a possible third adoption. It still isn't easy, but I'm learning (a little at a time!) to rest in God's promises and to wait upon Him, and to lean NOT on my own understanding.

Hope this is of some encouragement. I'm not sure if I was clear in all that I wrote, but not only do we have 3 children we also now do foster care (yes, God leads us in places we don't always see ourselves going!) and I have 2 extra children right now. My brain doesn't always put things together on paper as well as it used to!

[dd0031]

Hi Barki,
Thank you so much for your words of inspiration. I so greatly appreciate it. Tell me, if you don't mind, your daughter...is she happy to have adopted siblings? What was she thinking prior to you adopting your first child? Was she hesitant, optimistic, against it entirely? My 2 children say they are all for it, however I'm not sure if they understand that it will be "forever". I know they will have differences between them; all siblings do. However, this is the point my father focused on and I am worried about that. Also, how do you KNOW it's the Lord's voice? I know it's not satan putting this on my heart, but how do you know for sure that it is HIM? My father is not born-again. I need to keep that in mind. But how did you and your husband know that it was and still is the Lord speaking to you?

So grateful
Danielle

[snow princess]

Hi Danielle

I have not been in your shoes but I did want say something about your dads concern/comment that you don't know what you are getting into or subjecting your children to by adopting - that they might not get along with new brother and/or sister. Well there is no guarantee that biological children will get along either, we are all individuals.

Well there are a lot of familys out there who have raised their bio children in the same household with the same morals, values, etc adn the bio children don't get along! So I don't think that is a valid concern.

I understand your desire to please your father, but in the end the choice is yours and your husbands and God's. Friends and family may voice their opinion to you, but I don't think you should let them make your decision for you.

I believe if it is meant to be then it will happen.

I wish you the best

hugs
snow

[Linny]

Danielle:
We have adopted six times and are hoping (Lord willing) that we will be adopting a seventh. Of those six, three have been 'older special needs adoptions', while three have been 'infant adoptions through private agencies'.

What Barki wrote is so very true. If you feel the leading and both you and your husband agree........then I feel the Lord is giving you the green light. However..........I would also tell you that what your father speaks is also very , very true; and that to adopt 'older children'.....even toddlers......can be a very, very different experience than infant adoptions or birthing children.

We have had one 'disrupted adoption' (a son) who now lives in residential housing and will continue to do so until age 18, because of the dangerous and violent behaviors he has to others and himself. He had just turned 7 when he came to live in our home...and the state did not lawfully disclose all the information they were to have done so before his adoption. His four year presence in our home caused more problems than I could possibly say in one post; and this was four years of therapies, Christian counselors. He created great problems that our other children (pre-teens at the time of his arrival) had to live with...and I do not think it 'added' to their upbringing.

Our next two 'older' children were 'just turned 3yrs and 6yrs' when they arrived. They have bonded as much as they can.....but the problems remain from the scars left from years of neglect and all sorts of abuse. While their adoptions would be deemed as 'successful'.......we were taught in our state classes that 'permanence and love' would conquer all. I even majored in psych, and taught/aided at a behavior disordered school. We love them; but have been surprised at the amount of work and 'going back to square one' their upbringing has brought into our family. They have been with us over five years.

I do not say these things to make you change your mind. I do not say these things to 'scare you'. I say these things so that....if you continue to pursue this, you and your husband will 'arm yourselves' with knowledge far beyond the state classes and will realize that:
---doing your homework about childrens' conditions before
any placements, will help immeasurably in all ways.
---realizing that these children---no matter how young---
all come with 'special needs'
----knowing that your love alone will not 'heal them' nor will
it always bring about improvements openly seen
until many, many years....or never at all.

My husband and I have talked to many couples who felt led to adopt older children....and certainly it may have been their calling. But, it is also very important to have realistic expectations, and that to realize in being 'called'......means a lot of hard work that may or may not be realized very soon. That it will require a lot of faith, prayer and persistence to believe that 'this is where you are meant to be'. These, I think, may be the reasons your father is afraid for you....and shows his concern in this way.

Good luck in whatever you do......and believe that certainly,...if this is what God wants for your family....He will lead and care for you within it. This 'being there for us'.....I realized more than ever during the nightmare with our one son.


Most sincerely,

Linny

[Barksum]

I don't know how I got that to print twice last time! I think my computer must have hiccupped because I only hit enter once! LOL

Umm, let's see...our daughter was 7 when we had our first adoptive placement. Before our 26 month old came home with us she was ok with the idea. After all, it was still all theoretical. When our son moved in with us reality hit with a vengence! It was a really tough adjustment for her; and then consequently for for DH and I. She had been an only child for 7 1/2 years, so it was a big change. Her new brother needed lots of "extras", and the adjustment for all of us was stressful.

For instance, he would have tantrums that lasted for 45 minutes, sometimes more. He could not ever be where he could not see me. I didn't go to the bathroom alone or with the door closed for 2 years. He did not want to be held, would not make eye contact and was extremely precise about many, many things. Not picky or finicky, but extremely perfectionistic. He could not transition from one activity to another without lots of preparation beforehand. We could not vary his routines one iota without major tantrumming. Not only was he grieving another transition in a life with too many transitions already, but now we know that DS has alcohol related neurodevelopmental disorder (brain impairment where his brain is not able to process information in an ordered way due to prenatal exposure to alcohol). At the time all we knew was that life suddenly became very hard. We've learned alot, made accomodations in our home and tailored our parenting style for our son, so things didn't stay that way for ever, but it was very difficult to get to where we are now.

There were times that our daughter wanted to go back to the way things were before, when she just wanted to "give him back". This was where I went to God for extra grace, mercy and patience many (!!!) times. I told my daughter that adoption was just as if Brother were born to us. There was no going back, that going forward is part of life that was difficult at times but that is what God has for us to do. We also learned alot about loving your brother. Not just when you want to, not just when your brother loves you back, but even when you are angry, or tired, or he's dragged your things out of your room without your permission.

So her reaction was a mixed bag, but that's what life is. If we'd had a biological child after our first child there would have been this adjustment period, too. We were just jumping in with a new sibling at a different stage of development than a newborn.

I believe that while adoption has been difficult for all of us, it has not been necessarily MORE difficult than having biological children. Children do not come with guarantees whether they are born to you or your adopt them. You deal with things that God brings into your life by going before Him in prayer and living in obedience to the directions He's given as revealed in the Bible.

People seem to think that with adoption you "chose" what kind of child you will be adopting. Sure, you can make preferences known, but the bottom line is that you will have the child that God gives you. This is no different than the child that is born to you. You may have really horrible experiences; does this mean that God is not in those circumstances? I do not believe so. Rather, there are seasons in life that are difficult but these experiences can shape us into the image of Christ more effectively than only seasons of warmth and summer. The difficult times keep you before the Lord, keep His promises most present in your mind and change your perspective totally.

As to how to know if the Lord is leading or not, I can only say what DH and I have done. We've prayed before each decision during our adoption processes. If things aren't working out, we just wait and see where it goes. We go forward until He closes a door. Because we've paved our way with lots of prayer we know that if we go forward it is only with the Lord; if it all shuts down and we aren't matched with a child then we know that is from the Lord, too.

We've turned down opportunities that for some reason we just weren't at peace with. No big glaring red flags or anything, but my husband and I just could not go forward with that particular committee due to a total lack of settledness or peace.

We've gone to committees (the process whereby our state matches children with adoptive families) knowing that we might not be chosen as the family for that child. While we would be disappointed we could rest in knowing that God had a better plan for this child and for us. With the ones we've turned down we just couldn't go forward without reservation, so we chose to not go forward.

This isn't to say that there aren't moments of terror, of gasping breathlessness and wondering "WHAT have we DONE!?", but these are fairly common with parents (bio and adoptive) when the reality of having the responsibility of another child to rear hits home. I remember panicking when the hospital released us to go home with our Dd. Kind of overwhelming! I felt the same thing after our first adoption, after certain foster placements moved in, after our second adoption, etc.

Linny's post makes excellent points that you need to consider, as well. One thing you will need to start thinking about is what kinds of issues your family can and can not handle. One danger people sometimes face is wanting to help a waiting child so much that they forget to keep the children already in their home at the top of the priority list. For us this means that as we adopt more children we have to sometimes narrow down what kinds of issues we can work with; sometimes it has broadened our abilities. You just have to keep adjusting and looking at what your family dynamics are, what the strengths and weaknesses are, etc.

One responsibility you do have is to do your best to educate yourselves (you, your DH and your children in an age appropriate way) regarding older child, special needs adoption. These are different than private infant adoptions (although private adoptions can be special needs, too. ) and the issues that go along with them are often out of the realm of many couple's parenting experience. As you learn more God will direct you where to go and what to do.

There are many books, adoptive parent training classes, forums on this web site, etc. that can give you pointers and get you started in looking at what to prepare for. One book you might start with is "Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft" by Mary Hopkins-Best. I suggest this one because it addresses younger-older child adoption. (As in, less than 4 years old but older than an infant.)

You can email me if you wish and I'd be happy to continue writing endlessly long emails.

[faith_amom]

My two cents -- God is going to speak to YOU, not to you father, about what His plans are for your life. If you feel that God is telling you go a certain way, then your job is to obey His calling.

As for knowing whether or not it is God's voice -- If God is leading you, then you will feel a peace about your decision. Also, roadblocks will fall away. For example, I felt God calling me to start an infertility support group. I wasn't sure how it would happen logistically because dh is very resistant to ANY plans on weeknights, which the only time that most people needing this support can meet because they work. Surprisingly, dh was very cool about me holding this group AT MY HOUSE two weeknights a month. Only God could work that out because we have a 10+ year history of dh not wanting ANYTHING going on weeknights, much less at our house!!

I suggest that you set aside an hour to lock yourself in a room, get on your knees, and pray for guidance.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jer. 29:11-13

If you seek God's will, He will reveal it to you. When you leave that room, you will KNOW what His will is for you.

I have a friend who was conflicted about what action to take in a situation. Another friend gave her the same advice that I am giving you. Her response was, "Yeah, right. I am a stay-at-home mom of two kids. I'd never have the time." Two days later, she miraculously had a two-hour block to herself -- no husband and no kids. She got on her knees before the Lord, and she got her answer. She was overwhelmed w/God's presence and a sense of peace. God's answer was very specific and very bizarre, but she obeyed His instructions, and amazing blessings followed.

Give it a shot. You'll be amazed at how clear God's direction can be.

- Faith

[Brat]

Reading this thread was such a wonderful way to start my day. I feel blessed to have read all these words of wisdom.

[Pblair]

I agree Brat! That one sentence:
When looking at having children you also must remember that all children come from the Lord, whether through adoption or birth.
Just made me tremble! That is so absolutely true! This is the story of how I knew we were to adopt a child. For months and months everytime I would open my bible I would open it to the page in the back (appendix) that leads to adoption, it has adoption at the top of the page!
Pat

[dd0031]

Dear Barki, Linny and Brat....

I am so blown away by your threads that I really cannot put it into words. Your truthful account of how adoption has affected your lives and the importance of a Christian perspective is truly a gift from God to me.
I realized a few things this past weekend. I had a long talk with my husband, who also read your emails. I realized, oddly enough through a dream I had, that the Lord is telling me to LET GO and REST IN HIM. Which is exactly what I've been fighting. Don't get me wrong, I've been praying before Him, but I realize that my fear or trepedation is not from Him. I realize that I want to KNOW beforehand that my children will adjust and come to love their new sibling. I want to KNOW that this child will adjust and come to love us someday. I want to KNOW all of these things NOW, but then I realized .. where then, is the step of faith that I'm to take? I first have to take the step to see the blessing, right?

We spoke to a pastor at our church today and he knows of a couple, from our church, that just adopted an 8 year old. He's going to put them in touch with us. My husband feels that this would be very helpful.

I do want to equip myself with as much knowledge as possible. I have been doing so much research on the internet i.e domestic vs. international. I have noticed that through our state of Mass, the majority of children waiting to be adopted have serious handicaps either mentally or physically or both. I don't honestly think I am strong enough for that. International is very expensive, but I have to continue to pray about this too.

Honestly, I realize how crazy this must sound, but I have a certain level of comfort knowing that I can communicate with you all. I will continue to pray (with my husband).

Thank you again.

In His Love
Danielle

[paperchasingmom]

Hi Danielle, (and everyone else too!)

Welcome to the website....you are so right when you say there is a certain amount of comfort knowing you can come here and read everyone's tremendous love and care they show us/each other....you will probably find that you can go nowhere else to really feel this...at least that's been my experience....you can talk to your family, friends, pastors, anyone, and no one can truly understand what all this feels like, unless, they've walked in their/our shoes, like everyone here has!

I do truly love these threads, this christian website specifically, and everyone who so generously shares their stories and compassion and knowledge with us....I know I can always come here and see strong woman, obeying God's will for their lives and helping me through my personal journey....Who needs OPRAH?!!!! HA!!! Just kidding......

While my husband and I have no children yet--we are in the process of BEGGING another country to let us adopt a baby girl, long story, I just wanted to let you know that we will be keeping you in our prayers and please know that it is good that you have found the need to REST IN THE LORD! For what you are venturing into, is not only tremendously important and probably one of the most important decisions you will ever have to make, but it also involves so many people....like you know and are contemplating and can see already(!) your decision, regardless of it being just your decision alone (you and your husband's), it still impacts many, many people...you, your husband, your children, your father and how he reacts to you, the world (because they'll have their say so in it for the rest of your life and you'll have to always answer questions by other people--whether it be yes, I'll answer your questions or no I won't answer these private, family questions like "Oh they're adopted" "Oh they're not your biological child" "Oh, now which one is your adopted child and now which one is your biological child...").

Unfortunately, sometimes the world makes you feel like its not always a nice, warm, cozy feeling that goes along with these adoption decisions we make....it seems everyone has an opinion...not that they matter, but they do become a part of your life that you will have to decide how you want to address..and that's just the EASY part!!! HA!!

I can relate though to your question because while my husband and I believe we will be able to bring our baby girl home someday soon, we have now been placed with the question of do we want to also adopt ANOTHER, older child from this same country, at the SAME TIME.....

Last week we didn't even think our first adoption would go through, (our course our hearts believe that it will, but you know Satan...) and now this week there's a strong possibility that we will be asked to also, at the same time, bring home ANOTHER, additional child, quite possibly a toddler who we have heard about that has been abandoned by his mother and father...

So, kinda like you, we already have our first child (even though she's not home yet, we've bonded with her so much...) and think profusely about her and her future, etc. and now, quite possibly a toddler who's older that we know NOTHING ABOUT and we feel like you, what do we do??????

Of course, our hearts are saying yes, yes!!! But......

It all sounds so heroic and beautiful to take a child in that has been abandoned, but, as everyone has pointed out here, there is a reality to it....and like you, now, my husband and I have to seriously contemplate this....for our homestudy qualified us to adopt two children and now, the Dept. of Children is wanting to accomodate us!!!! We were initially told this couldn't happen, so we didn't think about it anymore, NOW we hear that they would like to do this quite possibly....and we don't know either.....

I told my husband we have to seriously pray and seek God's will for this and us because unfortunately, unlike you, we need to make a decision quick, since the government is kinda already looking for us and we don't want them to get so involved with finding another child for us, if now, we believe that's not what's best....

So, I can relate to your situation....I think, our families are good with us adopting this baby girl, but I think if they heard we were adopting this baby girl AND an older boy, they'd freak (sort of...) and everyone most probably be worried about that....and rightfully so....we're so confused now too!

One, cuz I'm a first time mom and do first time mom's usually get a 1 year old and a 3 year old at the same time,--no, and two, this is coming out of left field.....like I've always said during this adoption journey God has led us into, the ONLY thing I know is that I DON'T ever know what's going to happen next....so I try to keep my heart and my mind open to God's calling...it's not just His calling, for we feel we have it, but it's understanding the path that He is leading us down....certainly not a straight and narrow path--there's been alot of dead ends, but then you just turn around and start again, looking for a sign...

So, like you, we are in deep prayer and are needing God's grace and wisdom and I will keep you and your husband and your family in our prayers....

I do agree with everyone when they say there has to be a peace about your decision....of course, you'll be nervous, but it won't be a frazzled, what am I doing, this DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT, kind of feeling....God will give you His glorious peace if something is right!
Not that it will be easy, but ....

God will lead us if we seek His face and His will for our lives...hang in there and "you're not crazy" for loving these forums!!!! I think we all do!!!

Chat anytime you want--we're all here for each other!!!!

Blessing always,

Melody

[dd0031]

Hi Melody,
Thank you for keeping us in your prayers and please know that now you are certainly in mine.
Well, I'm hesitant to give any advice regarding the decision before you, inasmuch as I am grappling with adoption concerns myself. However, I do know one thing: God Loves You..unconditionally. Just as I am asking myself "Is this from the Lord" I realize it cannot be from satan. He will not lead you down a road of destruction. He will equip you with all that you need. My biggest problem is placing my concerns at the foot of the cross. Truly placing them there and keeping them there. I trust too much in myself and my strengths and weaknesses. Trust in Him..He will show you the way.
Please keep in touch with this forum. My prayers are with you and your husband.

In His Love
Danielle

[paperchasingmom]

Thank you for your kind words....so nice to read them....and so nice to see you jumping right in here--no longer being the "new" mom on the block, but now, giving good Christianly advice too!!! Awesome!!! See, you're already hooked on the website, right???

I did want to share with you something that just came to my mind when I read your original thread and that was since your dad (and probably you too, understandably so...) are concerned how another child will react/interact/mix with your biological children, (and your children with them) plus since you're wanting an older child, not an infant, my thought is, why don't you consider foster care???? Then foster to adopt if the child is the child that God places upon your heart to adopt!

Just a thought--I know that fostering probably holds some true challenges too, giving a child back when/if it's reunited with his/her own biological family, BUT, there are some children that maybe a social worker can share with you that maybe doesn't look like this is a possibility (to be reunited with it's family), so, you're given an opportunity FIRST (while fostering) to see if your family does mesh together and THEN, IF you feel that this is the right thing to do for you and your husband and your children, then you could proceed to try to adopt the child that you ALREADY KNOW fits into your family!

I think that would work great for you!!! I think you said your dad was worried that there would be no turning back with straight out adoption, without knowing if a child would fit with your family....this way, you DO KNOW, kinda a trial period.....

I don't know much about the particulars of fostering to adopt, but I have read alot of posts by woman/amoms who have done this and they can give you some great insight....

Plus, of course, you can call your local child welfare agency and start inquiring there!!!!

What do you think? Worth maybe looking into....seems to have worked well for other amoms!

Blessings,

Melody

[dd0031]

Hi Melody,
This is really unbelievable. While I am a new to this forum, I am also new to another adoptive forum which is Massachusetts adoption. After I read and answered your email today I noticed I received a reply on this mass adoption board. I had asked if someone could explain something I read that I didn't quite understand.

I contacted our DSS a few weeks ago through a christian charity. They pointed me to our local library where I could thumb through a huge binder of children that are waiting to be adopted. Well, I fell in love with a little boy..exactly what we've been praying for. However, his bio read "although he is not free for adoption, he is in need of a loving family." I didn't understand what this meant and someone from the forum wrote me back and explained it to me. He also told me that I should contact MARE and his social worker could give me the specifics.. After I responded to your email this afternoon, I called them. They said that he has been with a family for a few years, however the family could not pursue adoption (for some reason). He is not legally free for adoption yet, but before we could get into why he wasn't free, she told me he had just been put on "hold" at the beginning of Sept. I have to admit, I was disappointed. But, she said she would call me if something fell through.

Don't you think it's funny how you thought to suggest the same thing???? I know it's a risk to have a child with you and then God for bid he is taken away, but I agree with you..it just might be the way to go for us...I don't know. I'll keep praying. Funny, though don't you think????

In His Love,
Danielle