[kellyjane]

dd031,
this is my first day on the forum and i just wanted to share with you my take on foster-adoption.my husband and i are working with our social worker to adopt out of foster care, but at the same time are involved in a program called "the foster children's project" with the legal aid society of palm beach county. the way it works is there are 5 attorneys who do nothing but represent children between the ages of 0-3. their goal is to have homestudy approved families waiting so that when the children are removed from their homes they can place them directly into a home before they get into the state system through a shelter or foster home. it is called a non-relative placement or legal risk placement and the family can specify what age/gender would fit best into their family. you are also given a risk percentage that the child will be returned to their home, which is always the goal if at all possible.if the percentage is too high of a risk you always have the option of saying no to the placement. this was very scary to us at first, especially because we have 3 biological children and i know they would become very quickly attatched. but the more we thought and prayed about it we came to the realization that even if a child was only with us a few months,who knows what impact it would have being shown the love and comfort of Christ on a dailey basis. our social worker tells her story of having grown up in foster care, never having had a family of her own, but remembers one foster mother she was with a very short time at the age of 10 or 11, being rocked and held every single day. she says " i was too old for it, but had never had that physical touch when i was a baby. my foster mother will never know it but that simple act saved my life". Jesus knows so much better than i do what my family is capable of,and i just want to be available for Him to use any way He sees fit. sorry, i went on longer than i intended. i will be praying for you and your family. know that He always wants the very best for those who love Him. i have to remind myself though, that our immediate comfort and ease are not always His first priority. please keep us up on your adoption adventure.

[Barksum]

Thanks Kellyjane! Had a tough day today -- our foster placement went to a more permanent arrangement. (we only do short term, emergency and respite types of foster placements.) It's hard to see them go, though, and I always have a hard time with it. Also a couple of other factors going on today that have me in an emotional stranglehold. (Lots of mini prayers today. ) ) BUT your post brought things back into focus. Thanks.

It's strange -- my DH was raised in foster care and we have talked about the impact made on his life by different foster placements. There were positive and negative effects, and sometimes it seems as though the negative effects outnumber the positive ones. My prayer whenever we have a foster child with us (and we usually have them 2 weeks or less) is that we leave a peaceful impression, showing Christ by our actions. This is hard at times! And there is the emotions that come along with children coming from traumatic circumstances into our home, the impact of their stay with us on our children at home, etc.

I was so stressed today that I was ready to just throw in the towel and quit with the foster care at all. Adoption, difficult as it is, is WAY easier than foster care in many respects. NOT to discourage anyone considering fostering, but...it's hard no matter how you slice it. There are many different forms of foster care, not everyone does short term like we do, so don't take this as the only perspective there is on the foster system. Different states, counties, branch offices, each individual child, all make each family's foster experience unique.

Ok, rambling here, but just wanted to let you know that this was a timely reminder. Could it be that God had something for me to read tonight?

[paperchasingmom]

Wow, tremendous post from Kellyjane....I'm sitting here, about in tears, thinking also about that social worker, when she was a little girl, just by the mere fact that SOMEONE showed they cared and took her in, even if it was for a short period of time, that simple act of love, rocking her in her arms, she said, probably saved her life.....

Okay, now I'm convicted Lord....

Kellyjane, Barki, and all you other foster moms, you have my utmost respect and you are right Barki, in saying that foster care is more difficult...absolutely, hands down....for at least with us adoptive moms, our challenges and sorrow's are in the beginning of our journeys, but are quickly filled with complete joy once our adoptions are final and are children are here to stay with us--forever...but for you, you still have sorrow once that foster child leaves....so there is no complete joy for you....and my heart just swells with emotion when I think about the tremendous, courageous, unselfish acts of love you wonderful foster moms provide on a daily basis to children who so desperately need it....

It takes a tremendous person to do what you all are doing and in my eyes, probably deserve the highest honor....you and your entire family--for I know your husbands and your children, they all are sacrificing their own emotional and physical comforts....

and I thank God that someone has the strength to do this for our children in society that need it the most....

Okay Lord, NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO??? Are you speaking to me Lord???? I just prayed this morning, Lord, show me what my purpose in life is......

Are you showing me?

Melody

[dd0031]

Hi Everyone,
I couldn't wait to get on my computer to read these threads. I want to share with you all that God has really given me a peace about adopting. I've been praying and writing/reading many forums, asking a lot of questions, searching...I know He is in control and I feel He has called me to adopt. I am no longer frazzled. HOWEVER, I am so confused about one particular thing and that one thing is what you are all talking about: Foster vs. Adoption or both?

I've researched our DSS here in Mass and I've also researched many agencies. I feel very comfortable with Wide Horizons, however my question is this: Since my husband and I have been blessed with 2 bio children, I would love to help a child that might just be overlooked because he/she is not an infant. I've experienced the infancy stage and it is wonderful, but I feel God is calling me to help an older child (maybe age 2-5) I don't know what my best bet is for a child of this age. DSS seems to have many older children, however the vast majority have severe disabilities and/or siblings. I don't think I'm a strong enough person for either.

I have considered foster-adopt, however again, many children in the system are "special needs". Where should I focus my attention? International poses the very obstacles Melody spoke of: Travel time away from my 2 bio children, cost,etc... What about interstate? Domestic? Are my chances better domestically for a toddler or internationally? Wide Horizons feel that domestically, there are many more infants than toddlers and my chances of finding a toddler domestically would be very difficult. Do you all agree?

Also, if I have my homestudy done by the state (DSS) is this sufficient if we choose to adopt internationally or interstate? Would I need another homestudy?

So appreciate your help. This is so exciting to me now that I know this is what I'm supposed to be doing..

In His Love,
Danielle

[paperchasingmom]

So nice to hear from you again and to hear that you're doing so well and you're enjoying this process and you have a peace about it.....it makes my heart happy to hear you happy!

I can tell you that there is a difference (slight) between domestic and international homestudies....

They generally go over the same things, about you, your husband, income, health, (emotional/physical), then they talk about your house, how many bedrooms, proper accomodations for the baby, your life story, your childhood, your marriage, if you've ever been abused, how you met your spouse, have you ever been seperated, what's the hardest part of your marriage, your children, etc......

I know that when all this was happening with Brianna's adoption we asked our SW if we could use our homestudy that she was currently doing for us for the Philippines if we could also use that same one for foster children, (believe it or not....I just remembered that...) and she said no....there's a few different things, but we never got into what they were since our first priority was our Philippine adoption and our homestudy for them.....sorry....

My suggestion would be to, if you can, find out what areas you ARE leaning towards, domestic, international, if possible, then discuss them with the appropriate SW's of those agencies and they can tell you what their homestudy would need to have....

The basics that you'll need to get for all of them are:

You'll need to get originals/copies of:
birth certificates--need the raised seal on it...no Office Depot copies...
marriage licenses/divorce decree's if you've ever been divorced
driver's license copies
tax return
physicals (at least we did) we actually had 3 different physicals because we never got it right what the Philippines needed....) we had TB tests, syphillus tests, HIV tests too....
passports
employment verification
criminal checks, local, state, etc.
child abuse background checks
affidavit of financial situation--debts, assets, etc.

ALSO, THIS WAS THE HARDEST TO GET, we needed to get confirmation of medical insurance coverage for any adoptive child we brought into the home...that was the hard one because the insurance company kept dragging their feet and then they would say, we can't "guarantee" coverage, blah, blah, blah.....arrrgh...

Also in the homestudy, the reason why you can't have children or why you want to adopt, this is under "Motivation to Adopt"and

Plus reference letters that need to be NOTARIZED by the individuals that are writing them/signing them....Tip here, get more than they need (if the SW says I need 3 relative and 3 non-relative, ask 5 people each because sure enough someone's not going to be able to get it done (aarrgghh) and get more than 4 copies of the same one....In other words, everyone we asked to write reference letters on our behalf, we told them we needed 5 originals actually, all 5 notarized, (same letter) in case one got lost, dirty, torn, or more than one person/agency needed it.....this helped tremendously in our case since so many people were/are looking at our file.....so in case someone SW/attorney needed another one, we didn't have to go back and ask that person to type another letter or print it out again and get it notarized again!!!!!! That was actually one of the smarter things I did throughout this whole process....ask for more copies.

Plus, we still even have to go and get a psychological evaluation from a psychologist who has to give us this special test, I don't know....THAT will be the tough one to pass!!! HA!!!

Your SW, whoever you go with, will probably (at least ours did) fax us over or mail you over an adoptive parent questionnaire...this was really, really long and it took alot of time to think about what you wanted to write....for whatever you write, word for word goes into the homestudy....ours was 12 pages long and asks everything and everything....so make sure you've got a good couple of uninterrupted hours to do this...

But back to your original question, (sorry, I got sidetracked there) I would think though that fostering they would want you to have more counseling or more knowledge about the ins and outs, emotionally, of basically giving these children back....they know it's hard on the foster parent....in addition to having knowledge on what to expect from children that are coming out of abusive/serious situations...obviously, or else they wouldn't be going into foster care, right....

Even some agencies want you to have training, I know one international agency that we're working with, they ask for 30-35 hours of training (even if you're adopting) but since they're in another state, we have to try to do this ourselves, locally.....

One thing we did that also looks good for our homestudy was my husband and I got certified through the Red Cross for Infant, Toddler, and Adult CPR....and they mentioned that in our homestudy....actually, our SW recommended it....Good idea....it only took about 5 hours on a Saturday and we got certified....plus it was a nice thing that my husband and I did together, if you can believe that....it was kinda fun, learning CPR on each other!!! oh and the heimlich too!!! HA!!! We were happy to learn this because we knew the importance of knowing what to do, God forbid should my child ever need it...now, my husband, well, he's on his own!!!! Just kidding!!!

One more thing THAT'S REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT see if you can be approved for more than one child....just in case there's a sibling group or something...in our case we were so happy we did that, in case we found another child there...it, at least, kept the door open, IN CASE, that's what we wanted....otherwise, most people and SW's just put down one child (if they're adopting) and if they were to do that and there were twins maybe available, they would not qualify, just because their homestudy only approved them for one. So I'm glad we have that, just in case....

Plus alot of people don't like the time frame between adoptions, especially first time parents who are older (like me!) so this way it gives them an opportunity to get more than one child, at the same time, if they'd like...

So, hope this helps a little...it's not bad, you just have to be patient, and you'll probably have an easier time than we did since with us, NOBODY KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING, (the first two attorneys that were helping us)....they couldn't even figure out WHO should do the homestudy....but we finally got it figured out, hopefully, and that's exactly what I'm waiting for, the phone call from the second SW that tells me your Homestudy is ready and it's all signed and notarized and we're good to go!!!! Woohoo!

We had it ready from the one social worker than we switched to an agency, so then we met with that social worker and now the two of them TODAY are meeting and BOTH of them are signing off on it, or supposed to be anyway.....PLEASE GOD I PRAY....

I do have to say though, that, for me, I didn't mind that I had to do all this, what WAS hard was knowing that SOMEONE ELSE HAD THE POWER TO SAY YES OR NO ON WHETHER OR NOT I COULD EVER BE A MOTHER, another hard part of being an "adoptive mother" as opposed to a biological mother cuz like someone else said, if I was pregnant, nobody would be asking me for all this stuff to prove myself, you know......

But, for adoption, if you don't have a successful, completed homestudy, you'd never get a child....and that's scary....how ONE person has the POWER to grant you that....or NOT grant you that...

That's when you pray alot....for without a homestudy, you can pretty much forget about being a mom....and like in my case, I have no bio children, nor can I ever have them, so, it was a tremendous pressure waiting for this....and it is something when you hold that in your hand and you read that last line that says I therefore recommend that ___ and ____ be approved for the adoption of ____ from _____. That's Huge! Really, really, huge blessing from God....

But I do have to say that both of our SW's they were awesome and like they said, they are in it to bring families TOGETHER so they're not here to pick us apart, like I really felt they would...but they didn't....things that I worried about, in the house, were all for nothing....in fact, the homestudy was the easiest part of all, if you can believe that....

Hope this helps....keep us posted....Blessings always!

Melody

[Barksum]

These have been my (well, my family's, but I'll say "my" to save time/space) experiences and observations. We live in OR and most states are pretty individual about how they do things, so it really varies. You'll have to do your own research to see how it works in YOUR state.

We decided to get our foster parent license because this would enable us to have a child placed with us who was not yet legally free for adoption. That is, the termination of parental rights (TPR) was in the works but had not yet been done. This is different from a regular foster placement in that foster placements come with the understanding that the first priority is reunification with one or both of the biological parents, and if that isn't possible then grandparents, aunts and uncles are considered. If all those family members are not able to parent the child, THEN the foster parents may adopt the child. That's alot of time and emotion put through the grinder of life if your true desire is to adopt.

TPR can take awhile, so even if the trial has begun there can be appeals, or there has to be diligent searches done, or the trial dates are postponed...etc. So a foster child who is not yet legally free could have adoptive parents identified and be placed into a home that plans to adopt them when they are free, but with the understanding that the child is not yet free for adoption and so the placement is still considered a foster placement. If you do not have a foster license you will not be considered for these not yet legally free children. When looking at the photolistings for children in the foster system many will note if the child is "legally free" or not, and some will mention that TPR is in the works.

Our choice has been to pursue adoption as our top priority right now, and only do short term foster care. We provide respite care for other foster parents and we take children that come into care late in the evening, on weekends or when there isn't another family immediately available to take them. We usually only have children for two weeks or less.

As to being able to adopt a toddler domestically, I think it is possible because that has been my experience. One of our sons was 26 months old, the other was 14 months old. We had begun by looking at children aged 5 and younger, had tried for a couple of kids closer to age 5, nothing worked out. God matched us with our little 26 month old, very much to my surprise.

I believe that God brings the children we are supposed to have to us, biologically and adoptively. Being willing to accept the wait to see what God has for us is not always easy but is, of course, well worth it.

Our adopted children are special needs, but the term "special needs" covers ALOT of ground. Special needs can be: a child who is part of a sibling group; a child that is older than age 5; a child with emotional issues (attachment, trauma, etc.); a child with a history of neglect; an abused child (physically or emotionally); a child with a physical disability; a child with mental retardation; a child with learning disabilities; a child with a family history of mental illness; a child reared in an institution; a child prenatally exposed to drugs and/or alcohol; or a child with an unknown family history.

I believe that pretty much ANY toddler, whether domestic, overseas, private, or state adoption, is "special needs". Children from foreign countries are subject to the same kinds of issues as a domestic child. They are being moved from everything that is familiar to them and being placed in totally new surroundings. With foreign adoptions you are changing the food they eat, the smells of home and their language overnight. With domestic adoptions you are changing the same things, with the exception (probably) of language. The toddler child will experience grief and trauma in the transition. This is why I say that any toddler adoption would be "special needs".

We have "successfully" transitioned two toddlers into our existing family. We worked hard to make the transitions as easy as possible, however both of these little ones had a difficult time initially. Our two adoptive children have ''special needs" that go beyond "just" transitioning to a new home. Both of them were prenatally exposed to some or all of the following: methamphetamines, marajuana, cigarettes, heroine, and alcohol. One of our little guys suffered some pretty major neglect. He also has identifiable symptoms of alcohol related neurodevelopmental disorders (ARND, used to labelled as Fetal Alcohol Effect). Our other son is developmentally delayed, probably due to being heroine addicted at birth, going through withdrawals, and then having seizures caused by that. That sounds really nasty, but his developmental delays are in the mild range and he has been reaching his milestones, just not as quickly as some children in the general population; he almost doesn't qualify for Early Intervention.

I do not regret adopting our sons, but I also believe that God doesn't let us know the future because we wouldn't want to go through all the hard times! The one huge thing I've learned is that God will not give me children and then with hold the grace and wisdom to parent them. What a comfort during those hard times. Another big revelation for me is that kids are kids. Not everything is due to their "special needs". LOL You'd think that would be obvious...but I need reminding!

Hmm, I've rambled on and on, but I think I covered what I meant to say!

[LaTroy]

Hello Danielle,

you might want to try foster care first. This was you can see if your other children can acept a new child of if this is really what you want.

I'm an adoptee 38 yo. It is far better to have a loveing child then to love a child that can never be your owen.

show a child love and you have shown a child life.

just a few words for you Danielle

God Bless you and your family, remember that God will give you the desires of your heart (please be true to the desires of your heart)
adam

[dd0031]

Hi Melody, Barki,and everyone else,

Melody I just had to write to you and thank you for that informative email. WHEW! Boy am I glad I've run into you (well sort of run into). Also thank you Barki and LaTroy for letting me have a glimpse into your adoptive world.

I made the call to Wide Horizons yesterday and also emailed the woman who is in charge of "waiting children". I want to get my homestudy underway because it sounds like there's a lot of work to do. I still am unsure about whether the best road is domestic or international, but I'm trusting in the Lord that He will show me what path I am to take.

The more I learn the more excited I get. I realize that I am at the beginning of this journey, but I'm excited nonetheless.

Please keep me "posted" as to what is going on with all of you.

In His Love,
Danielle

[paperchasingmom]

So glad to hear you're starting on your journey!!!! (and glad to hear that I could be of help to you....) I sometimes hesitate to be so long in my replys because I feel like maybe nobody wants to read all that, but, in my heart, I figure, if you're like me, you really appreciate ANY and all information people can share.....

And I thank you for thanking me for the long reply I wrote....I was hoping nobody read that and thought, okay lady, keep it short!! HA!!!

I just know that when I first FELL into adopting (rather quickly) and the way ours happened....we got a baby first (the birthmother chose us!--very backwards, it NEVER happens this way, in another country) and we hadn't even done ANYTHING YET nor did we know anything yet on how to do anything....we learned the long, hard, expensive way.....

TYPICALLY, TYPICALLY, TYPICALLY, you go through an agency FIRST, decide what you want to do, international/domestic, etc. then do all your paperwork, and then wait...wait for the match/referral....

BUT with us, we had this baby dropped in our laps (which we're so grateful for), BUT THEN HAD TO SCRAMBLE AROUND TO FIGURE OUT HOW DO WE ADOPT THIS BABY???? WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO????

So, the first thing we did was hire attorneys. We felt, hey, their professionals, they know what's legal...these are smart people and they both professed to be experienced in adoptions. We hired two attorneys, one in the Philippines and one here AND NEITHER ONE OF THEM KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING....and thank God I got so involved right from the very beginning and sought help from ANYBODY that could give us information....

I used to just die because the few short times both of our attorneys talked on the phone to each other (with me on there too with a three-way call) that one stupid phone call, for one hour, would cost us $300 DOLLARS(!) for we had to pay each attorney $150 AN HOUR.....which I wouldn't have minded but again, like I said, nobody knew what to do, so I was basically paying them to learn how to do this, when I should've had people that already knew....and it's not even about the money but mainly about the aggravation because BOTH of them got it all wrong and we wasted so much time....precious time that we should have been doing WHAT WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING.....

Like I said, even the simplest thing took us forever....like our physicals, three different physicals because our attorney NEVER FOUND OUT what the Philippines needed....and I finally did....

But yet, we still had to pay her $150 an hour for giving us WRONG INFORMATION....Crazy.....

The main thing is, go with agencies, people that do this EVERYDAY...they are experts and KNOW what the deal is....THAT'S WORTH PAYING FOR!!!!! Plus, MOST COUNTRIES won't let you adopt any other way....they require you use an agency that they work with....

So, if you're like me, you really, really, really need the right information and crave it and are desperate for it.....it's like people don't understand, the attorneys--she always used to say, you're trying to do things faster than how they can be done and I'd say I don't mind waiting, I just want to be doing WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING......all this back and forth stuff having us run around to the BCIS when the doors are LOCKED (due to Sept. 11th) and they don't let anyone in unless you already have your I600A form submitted then THEY schedule your appointment. Stupid things like that, she'd just send us on these wild goose chases and have us running all around to different cities to do something that was totally WRONG!!! and not at the right time either....

Needless to say, neither attorney is representing us anymore....we have found new attorneys over there in the Philippines plus we've finally found an agency that is willing to assist us should we get an approval from the country we're trying to adopt from....but it's been terribly, terribly difficult...I'm sure this is not the way an international adoption is supposed to be, but, it's the way ours happened and we realize it's part of our spiritual journey God has led us on....

But, you're in great, great hands with an agency and Wide Horizons too....even though they said they could not/would not assist us in our adoption, I'm happy to hear that they're helping you....again, our case is TOTALLY DIFFERENT, because we already have this baby that we're trying to specifically adopt....and most countries don't allow that....

But the one thing I did want to just share with you again is, decide FIRST WHAT YOU WANT TO DO, DOMESTIC OR INTERNATIONAL, DECIDE THE AGENCY, AND THEN HAVE THE AGENCY TELL YOU WHO TO USE FOR YOUR HOMESTUDY....

You don't want to do your homestudy on your own and then try to switch agencies because alot of times different agencies won't use someone else's homestudy and you're out alot of time and money....plus more, more aggravation too...

Now it's good you're getting your basic information together for the homestudy but also wait on information from the agency as to what specifically they need too...like our reference letters, our SW gave us a list of topics THAT HAD TO BE ADDRESSED IN EVERYONE'S REFERENCE LETTER or else she could not accept the letters....so, for now, you can ask people if they'll write your letter of reference for you, but don't have them write it yet, because your SW might have particulars that need to be included in them, then they'd have to be redone....also too, the Philippines has a few extra topics they want you to cover too...so, it is country specific too.

Main thing, find an agency you're very, very comfortable with because you're going to be dealing with them ALOT!!! Try to decide what route you want to take--domestic or international....They'll have you decide first I'm sure, have you decide if domestic or international before they assign you to a homestudy and SW....because the SW needs to particularly identify that you're approved for an adoption of X children from X country.

Hope this all helps too!!! It sounds like you're on the right track....enjoy this time, it's going to be awhile before you have that new child in your home, but if you can learn to savor the experience, THE JOURNEY, and not just the outcome (the child) then it will be tolerable.....

Just think of it as little things you have to do, one thing at a time, if you look at the whole picture, you might get overwhelmed and impatient (like I've gotten...)

Get through one thing, CELEBRATE THAT, and then focus on the next thing you have to do....each part, try to just handle that little thing only....Kinda like that movie with Bill Murray years ago called Baby Steps....He was this grown man that was child-like and his psychiatrist was Richard Dreyfuss...Bill Murray would always tell himself "baby steps, baby steps...." Baby steps to the elevator, baby steps to whereever or whatever he was trying to do...cute movie....

Hope this all helps, sounds like you're on your way....let me know what you've decided--domestic, international, foster, whatever, okay???? Keep us posted!!!!

Blessings always,

Melody

[MaryT63]

Greeting to all in the Matchless Name of our Lord Jesus !

My name is Mary and my husband Dale and I (both 40) are just beginning the adoption process.

I could relate so much to many of your posts....wanting God's will in this entire adoption process......the horror stories you hear, the stress, people giving you that blank look when you tell them what you are doing, etc.

I am trying to become as informed as possible and we have no clue what would be the "best" age to adopt. I have a nearly 13 year old son from my first marriage, and we are concerned about the interaction between the two.

I would appreciate your prayers for us and any advice you could give us (I am reading books frantically ! and learning a lot that way. God bless you all, and I am glad to have found this thread !!!

Mary

[amom4life]

Welcome Mary! We're in our 40's too and starting over with an infant or twins whichever the Lord brings us with.

We have a bio son who is 27 and a daughter born in Romania who is 16.

I don't have any advice as to what age you should go for I think it would depend on the child. Are you thinking of going through the state, agency, independent, Facilitator??

Blessings on your journey!
Judy

[MaryT63]

Hi Judy,

Thanks for responding ! We are just starting with a county agency near us. Some church friends used them, and now have a beautiful 12 year old son.

I am reading the book "Our Own - Adopting the Older Child"...any you could recommend ? Do you have any concerns about adopting an infant in your 40's ? My dh is concerned that we will not make it financially at retirement by the time we put them through college !

We are a little nervous - trusting God to lead us, but also afraid of getting into something we cannot handle. I have one child, my dh as none, but is very open and willing to adopt.

Any advice you could throw my way would be VERY appreciated !
Blessings to you,

Mary

[amom4life]

Hi Mary,
We really don't have any huge concerns about starting over with an infant in our 40's. We are sooo ready! Plus these days there are so many couples becoming parents for the first time with infants from late 30's all the way into their 60's. I didn't realize how many until we started our adoption process.

We have friends who just adopted a new born girl 2mos. ago she is 38 and he is 58. This is the first child for both of them.

We did adopt two older children both from Romania. Our son was 13 and our our daughter was 6 when they came home to us. Our daughter is beautiful and very loving, bonded almost instantly.

Our son has since gone back to Romania (his choice), but to our relief! The six years that he lived with us was a nightmare! He was violent to the point that our friends were fearing for our lives, I can't even count the times I had to have dh come home from work to rescue me. He also had to be watched pretty much every minute of the day and night for his own safety and our homes.

He ran away several times. And he never bonded. After loving and caring for him for six years our hearts were breaking that things didn't work out. He just smiled and waved like we were some people he just met. Because of our experience with this child we wouldn't even consider another child this old from the system. what we went through with him almost destroyed our family not to mention our extended family.

But, that was our experience. I'm sure that there are happier positive stories others here can tell. Well actually duh! We do have a happy positive story with our daughter!! We do believe that getting her younger made a huge difference though.

Another reason we are going for an infant at this time is because we have always wanted to since we first got married. Then our two children from Romania came in an unecxpected way so we put the baby dream aside and we were fine with it. But dh and I have never started from the beginning together and want to experience that together. I have a bio son from a previous marriage. Dh has no bio children. Our daughter is very excited about being a big sister!

I'm sure God will send you the right child! I know He brought our son to us for a purpose though it was for only six years we just don't know what yet.
Judy

[dd0031]

Hi Mary and Judy,

My husband an I (and kids) are hoping to adopt a toddler. I have 2 bio children who are very excited about a new sibling. They are both hoping for a boy. However, after researching different agencies and the foster care system in our state, I am so confused as to why it is supposedly so difficult to adopt a toddler domestically.

My husband and I are going to a general info meeting next week at Wide Horizons For Children. I'm very excited, but still can't stop thinking about the many children in this country who need forever homes. WH tells me that I would need to go international if I wanted to adopt a toddler of 3 or 4.

From what you all have researched, are finding much of the same?

Any input would be great

Danielle

[amom4life]

Hi Danielle,

We are working with Lifetime Adoption Facilitators and there have been a few toddlers and toddler sibling groups listed. So I know you can adopt toddlers domestically.

Is Wide Horizons an agency? Tell me more about them I haven't heard of them before.
Judy