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  #1  
Old 09-16-2003, 11:39 AM
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angelblue angelblue is offline
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Question Inter-Family Adoption

I am a 23 year old mother of two. My sister is 21 and is pregnant and just got out of the relationship with the child's father. My sister would like to put the baby up for adoption and the father is fine with that. However, my family is not real keen on that idea. My husband and I had planned on having a 3rd child, but due to some health, fertility affecting issues we're not sure that will happen. I would love to bring her child into my home and raise him/her as my own, and also that way my sister could get to see him grow up. I realize there are families who need a child much worse than my husband and I, but we would like to keep this baby within the family. Does anyone have any feedback? Does anyone know where I can get some free advice on how to go about doing this? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Angel Blue
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  #2  
Old 09-16-2003, 11:42 PM
withopenarms withopenarms is offline
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Have you talked to your sister about this. maybe she would be relieved to know that her baby was in your care or it might be to close for comfort for her.
I wish you two the best
maybe suggest a counselor to your sister, because it is her decision and she will have to live with it the rest of her life and only she knows best for her and her baby

Good luck to you and your sis
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  #3  
Old 09-17-2003, 07:21 AM
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angelblue angelblue is offline
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withopenarms,
Thank you for replying. I think counseling is going to be the best decision for her. She got married at 18, left her husband at 19 and was divorced at 20. He was a horrible person in many, many ways. She met the father of her baby and started dating him within 2 months of leaving her ex. She never really has had a decent relationship and is still very immature. I have broached the topic with her to some degree. What I am truly afraid of is her saying that she wants us to adopt, us getting absolutely everything ready and then her changing her mind. I know that can happen in any adoption case, but my sister is extremely quick at changing her mind and not thinking about the consequences. However, I would rather her pull the rug out from under my husband and I, much as it would hurt, than to do it to some wonderful couple who is just dying to have a family. There are just so many questions that go with all of these proceedings, I'm glad there's someone out there who understands.
AngelBlue
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Old 09-17-2003, 09:56 AM
withopenarms withopenarms is offline
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Hi, Well it sounds like you have alot to think about and your sister too. Working with family can be very tough. I wish you the best. Email me anytime and keep me posted johnna@olypen.com
Good luck
Johnna
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Old 09-17-2003, 03:19 PM
JulieInMontana JulieInMontana is offline
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I would wait for her to ask you. she may have a family in mind or she may not place she could be thinking her options over. I am going to be a birthmother and I wouldn't feel comfortable if a family member approached me.
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Old 09-17-2003, 06:45 PM
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MomofKaden MomofKaden is offline
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sounds like a wonderful idea to me. If you and your sister have a good enough relationship, I would certainly broach the subject with her...the worst she could do is say "no" afterall, and that wouldn't be the end of the world. I think it is a great thing you are wanting to do and I don't blame you for wanting to keep the baby in the family. I am sure your sister can find plenty of counseling at a pregnancy center or any christian based birthmother support organization - many give assistance whether or not moms choose to place their babies in adoptions. God bless you all! I hope it works out well for everyone.
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Old 09-17-2003, 06:52 PM
JulieInMontana JulieInMontana is offline
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you should just let her approach you. this is her time to make her decisions and let her wants be known. its really up to her what she wants.
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  #8  
Old 09-18-2003, 06:39 AM
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cathy102 cathy102 is offline
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I would just wait for the subject to come up. My whole family wanted to to adopt my cousins baby 3 years ago, but there was no way. She was doing heavy drugs and drinking everyday..But she ended up having a Abortion..It is her choice to decided what she wants to do, but she also needs to know that you are willing to adopt her child.

If you were to adopt her baby, I wouldn't buy anything until the baby is born and papers are signed. That way, you are not spending money on a new nursey if she decides to parent..

Good luck and keep us updated..

Cathy
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  #9  
Old 09-18-2003, 05:54 PM
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angelblue angelblue is offline
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Hi everyone,
Thanks for your responses and support. I did bring it up to my sister yesterday and she said she was already thinking of us, she just didn't know how to bring it up. She says she has a lot to think about, and I totally agree. She doesn't feel that our family should have to carry her "burden", but yet she would like to know that her child is safe, healthy and happy. I told her about this site and hopefully she'll get a chance to visit so she can view all of her options. I am not getting my hopes up or down. I'm just glad that I talked to her and it's out in the open. And in response to julieinmontana, I wish you the best. I hope that you are making the right decision for you and that God bless you and guide you in the future. I always have an open ear. Thank you all, I'll keep you updated.
AngelBlue
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  #10  
Old 10-02-2003, 04:13 PM
andrews777 andrews777 is offline
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That is exactly why I don't agree with the idea of "don't bring it up until the other party does." Too often, both sides are left afraid they might be "pushing" something on the other.

It will leave you with all kinds of issues growing up, but don't draw away from it just because of the idea that "other families need children more." At this point, it is your sister's (and the father's) call.

You may have to risk some possible last minute rejection, but I believe it would be worth it. (Though only you can decide that for you.) It is possible she would draw back, only to want the adoption again in a while.

I pray you have wisdom in all this.

Brad
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