[Kathyl]

It's with a heavy heart that I write this, we have been blessed with the opportunity to care for a little foster baby girl that we call Elissa, we were not out seeking to adopt but have fallen in love with this little gal!
It has just been brought to our attention that all of a sudden relatives have expressed an interest in her. We are trying so hard to trust God with this situation but it is very concerning . Has anyone else experienced this? Do we have any rights? We do have an awesome Guardian ad litem for her.
She is 9 months old now and we are the only family that she knows. Any thoughts??????? Kathy

[Judilyn]

Kathy,

Wow, I can feel for you and I know what you are going through. The fostering system is not always set up in the best interest of the child, at least it does not seem that way. How sad that just because "family" takes an interest a child has to ripped out of the only home they have ever known. A child is not a piece of property to be owned.

My adaughter was almost taken from us to when she was a foster child. To make a long story short this was due to them wanting to keep her with her older brother who was 7 years older than her and very emotionally troubled. When it was decided to move him from our home they were of course going to move her to. My husband and I did everything we could, including stepping over everyone at our agency office and calling Springfield (We are in Illinois) Our church family gathered around us to support us and we all got into agreement in prayer that God's perfect will for her would be done. ANd then it was not easy but I had to trust God that he created her, he loved her more than I and he did know what was best for her.

Well it took a month ( a month of crying for me)and when my social worker called us her exact words were: "we do not know why we are doing this, it is always our policy to keep siblings together, but we have decided to leave her with your family. Praise God because her brother went through 2 more homes before they found a placment that worked for him. He is now adopted and doing much better. What would have happened to her being ripped from so many homes? She was in 2 beofre us and only 3 years old at the time.

PLease keep us posted on how things are going for you. I see that you are new to the forum, we are here for you.

God Bless
Judilyn

[Rainbow mom]

Unfortuanately you do not have any rights until your child is free and clear. The only right you have now is prayer. Gather as many of your church family and have them pray to cover this child with God's grace, and that his will be done in this situation.

Approach the GAL and see what his/her opinon is as to what is in the best interest of the child. They do have some pull in the courtroom.

This is my nightmare and our foster soon to be adopted son's mom could change her mind.... I just keep telling myself if it happens that way God blessed my life with the time I had with him and hopefully I was a blessing to him too. (((hug)))

[kcmays13]

Kathy,

My husband and I have been in your shoes. We took in a 1 month old boy, whom we were told that there was a 95% chance that we would be able to adopt him. His Bio. mother has had 8 children removed, along with her parential rights being terminated on all 8. We cared for this child, whom we grew to love as our own until he was almost 6 months old before being returned to his bio. mother.

It has been 4 months since we've seen him. We were told by everyone in involved in his case that none of them wanted or thought he should be returned....but guess what? She has just received full custody of him. All of those who stated they didn't feel he should have been returned, are now for him being with her. Yes, there is a lot of information that I am leaving out (if you were able to know the entire story, your stomach would turn), but the fact is, I have lost faith in a system who says it is in the best interest of the children.

Every day that passes is harder for us. I have cried until I can no longer cry. I know that God will watch over our son, and His will will be done. It is however hard to place it in His hands, but our church family, extended family, and each other has helped us get through this time of loss.

God will help you through. He will take care of His child, as they are ours only to be borrowed from Him. I'll be praying for you and your daughter.

[Kathyl]

Thanks for your sharing your story,a real heart breaker!It sure feels like the parents have more rights.
Did the courts ever address the fact that this little guy was bonded to you two? with so much research out there about bonding and attatchment, don't they consider that?
It's so hard to guard your heart, I have decided that you can't.
I will pray for you too, that God will shower you with his grace and peace. Take Care, Kathy

[jamie3]

We are really early in the process but our instructors told us over and over that we have got to understand that the goal is reunification first and foremost. If that doesn't work they go to plan B. This is why I am so afraid of doing foster care. I would rather take in a child whose parental right have already been terminated. At least that is mho at the present time.

God can work miracles though. It's not over until it's over.

[LotAkids]

to kcmays-

My stomach is in complete agony as I read your last post. How awful!
My husband and I started our adoption journey looking at kids that were legally free. When we were approached by our worker with a 7 month old boy that was NOT legally free, and we really didn't know exactly what that meant, we decided to take him. "We'll fight for him, " we said. Totally ignorant. When you are a foster parent, or even a fost/adopt family that has the intentions of adopting, and are even told that the birthmother will NEVER get this child back, you have NO RIGHTS! None. The agency said that when you take a child into your home you have to claim them as your own and protect and love and except them as such. But you can't. Not really. Because you would do all those things for your biological children, but you are helpless against the courts and social workers. Helpless. It is absolutely gut wrenching!
We took our son, Max, at 7 months, after he was removed from his mother's home. She was an unfit mother and has all kinds of mental health issues that she refuses to deal with. We had to take him to four day a week visits until last month, (he would scream for his hour visit until they put him back in my arms.) when the judge finally suspended her visits. She does not have the ability to comfort him and when he cries, she cries. Very bizarre. Anyway, termination is September 10th, with finalization in November, after her 45 day appeal period. (God help us till then!) We are literally counting down the days to termination in hopes that no one calls and tells us any bad news. I'm still not comfortable with the fact that he's mine yet. It ain't over till it's over. Until then, we love him like our own and pray to the good Lord that He allows us to keep him. My heart breaks for you as you live what I am so afraid of.
Even though she is very obviously not ready to mother, she's 19, and lives alone, the County STILL tries everything to reunify. Her therapist called last week and said that it would help in her healing if we offered her some visits. I said HELL no. Even though I don't have a say, really, I fought against it and haven't heard anything back from her yet. She's just her therapist and our worker said she would talk to her and see what we could do. Good luck in your journey and I will pray for your son.
Liz

[Pblair]

Why does she cry? Is it because she is losing her child through no choice of her won? Does that make her sad?
Pat

[LotAkids]

No. She cries because she gets upset that she can't get him to stop crying. She is very immature and holds him away from her when she holds him. She doesn't ever cuddle him.
She says that she wants him but she's bipolar and refuses to take any medicine. So one minute she is happy and loving to him and the next minute she dumps him on the floor and walks out of the room. (with the social workers all watching) If she was ever alone with him for any amount of unsupervised time, I truly believe she would hurt him.