[angelical]

Hello! My husband and I had our bio son one year ago. Due to preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome, I had to deliver 3 months early. Because of how close both Aaron and I came to not surviving that ordeal, my husband and I have decided to adopt our second child.

I really feel like there is purpose here in this. We have one wonderful son, but we feel like God may have another child out there waiting for us in this other way. I'm sure you can understand what I mean.

Anyway.... we are of modest means, with little extra money to put towards adoption (... we would rather use what we have to support our children comfortably after the adoption!). So, we are planning to work through the state, possibly getting a special needs child.

We are hoping for a causasian girl between the ages of birth and five years old.

We live in PA.

Any advice, support, hopes, prayers, etc would be appreciated. We are planning to start talking to the agency next month.

What expenses, time frame, etc. might we expect?

Thanks!
Sharel

[mom2seven]

Sharel,
I am so glad to hear you are considering adoption. I too had complications with our 2 birth children and was told any further pregnancies would be very dangerous and one or both of us would not survive. My husband and I worked in a Children's home for over 2 years taking care of foster children. That is were we ment our 5 adopted children, all siblings. We are adopting through the state but with the help of a private non-profit agency. "Another Choice" They do have offices all over the country I believe.
Your costs will be very minimal with this sort of adoption. Also with adopting a special needs child you will be able to receive adoption assistance. Speak with a social worker from the local DSS adoption unit or a private agency in your area. Here in NC the cost to petition for adoption is $40 and DSS reimburses the fee.
It is however a little more difficult to get very young children. Most are 6 and up. But by willing to take special needs you increase your chances for a younger child. Our adopted children are between the ages 7-17. Our birth children are 5 &7. We have 4 boys and 3 girls. We also have a college student that we have not legally adopted but he is ours. We cared for him at the childrens home and he has become a part of our large family. We can say "eight is enough"
I hope this is a little help. MAPP classes are usually a requirement and take 10 weeks. Basically and informative parenting class. Depending on the agency sometimes you will need to become licensed as a foster parent first. We did because of the large number of children and the help of foster assistance during the course of the adoption. Our adoption is not yet final but the children have been with us since October. The adoption assistance will stay the same as the foster payment. Without this we could not have taken on the children as I don't get to work outside our home with the demand of appointments for the kids. I may work part time next year when our youngest is in school. I enjoy being MOM though.
It is a challenge but a huge blessing at the same time!!
I will remember you in my prayers and if I can help any further feel free to ask.

[angelical]

I was hoping to find such comraderie here as we begin this journey.

I really think this is going to be a wonderful thing for our family. Before we had Aaron, we weren't sure if we'd want more than one child ... but we have LOVED being parents. Unfortunately, pree & HELLP is just not something I want to tackle again!

However, since we have begun talking seriously about adoption, it has really become a focus of my energy. I am beginning to feel like this is truly the path that God has set for us. We were so blessed with our first child, coming to us through months of worry. And now, I believe our second (or 2nd and third!) child will come to us through this special way. We will be able to complete our family through the giving of a family to a child that doesn't have one.

The other thing is, we are quite patient with this. I was very anxious to begin our family, but now I am willing to wait for the right child to come to us. (I am very anxious though to talk to the agency, but my husband just began a new job,and he wants to wait for his first paycheck, to be sure of our finances before we embark on this!)

So, anyway, thank you again for your support. I'm looking forward to gaining lots of knowledge and insight from all of you!

Good luck to you as well!

Sharel

[paperchasingmom]

Welcome to the board. I stumbled upon this website myself only about a month ago....

My husband and I do not have any biological children ourselves, nor can we ever due to a severe medical problem I just recently had last year....

It required hospitalization and everything and I almost died so I can relate to your wanting to be cautious yourself with what you went through....I thank God that He blessed you with a little one biologically and everyone is well!

I can say that for myself, someone who had always considered adopting (and my husband too, that's just the way we are, we love everybody!) it does become a different "creature" when it's your ONLY means of having children....It becomes almost a kind of desperation in a sense....I'm glad that's not your case here....

But God is good and we have been diligently seeking HIS WILL for our lives and that sounds like what you're doing too, so I'm glad about that because we've learned not to go after what WE want in our life, but what God wants for us. If it's God's will, then it truly is our will....this has helped us tremendously deal with loss and changes we've encountered in our 10 years together, my husband and I....

What I can suggest to you is, do just what you're doing--finding out as much as you can in the beginning. Giving yourself enough time to learn and pray and prepare yourself for whatever God has for you....and learning the adoption process is a real good place to start....

We started learning about it fairly quickly after my hospitalization, basically just 2 months after that and I can say it was good for me because it took my focus off of WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME and let me LOOK TOWARDS THE FUTURE. To look at what I could do and I could have as opposed to what I couldn't have...

It also really helps to learn about all the documents and homestudies and paperwork because when God calls, that's it--it's time!!!

For us, we thought we had time. First we were going with international adoption through www.AWAA.org. Beautiful christian adoption agency that deals with international adoptions from China, Russia, Ukraine....we were all set to start our paperwork for a little girl from China when my husband said, let's try for a boy first, so that took us over to the Russian side, then we got dissuaded there a little bit and then the next thing I knew we had a birthmother who picked us from the Philippines. Pretty miraculous story--(My thread is on here titled, God sent us a baby girl!) that basically happened in only 24 HOURS!!!!

So, long story short, we were nowhere prepared with ANYTHING so we're learning now, fast, quickly trying to make this work to bring Baby Brianna home....first we thought we could do a private adoption from there, now we understand it HAS TO GO THROUGH THE GOVERNMENT, declaring Brianna as an orphan, which is complicating things, but, we have faith and in the end, we're praying Brianna will be with us very soon...

So, we're running around, remodeling the house, getting passports, trying to do homestudies, trying to figure out Philippine Law because we did not go through an agency, calling the Philippines every day to see how our 2 week old baby is--it's just crazy, but like God said:

I never said it would be easy--I only said it would be worth it!!

Amen to that!!!

So, be open to any and all information, but probably the state would be your best bet in terms of the least amount of money..if you do the foster parent thing, I would just advise you to understand that the child you would be asked to take care of, might, just might go back to it's original home where it came from, where it was taken from...that's a lot to handle emotionally, so I would find out EXACTLY what's involved with foster parent to adoptive parent scenario--I know I personally couldn't do that--I could not return a child back to someone that it was taken from, not after I had the child in my care--it would be too hard. I would not be able to let that child go--that's just me...again, this is something for you and your husband to heavily consider...

Of course the states do offer children that are DEFINITELY available for adoption, but usually much older because they have to make sure all avenues of reuniting that child back with the family has been exhausted...

International adoptions on the other hand, they deal with only orphaned children, so there's no chance of anyone asking for their child back. The costs range from $17,000 (includes travel, etc) for China (a toddler) and $20,000-$29,000 for Russia (yep, that's right!)

We're hoping this Philippine adoption will be no more than $20,000 dollars. I totally understand when you say you'd rather spend the money on the child and it's future, but, sometimes, God has your child waiting somewhere, like ours, and I am hoping and praying and knowing that God will provide the money, somehow....at this point though, I can't turn my back on her because of money, or lack of it...of course, that's where the credit cards come in! HA!!! Not the best, but....

Ours is tricky because it started out as a private adoption, paid for the birthmother's expenses just for the delivery and necessaties and then 2 attorney's fees, one attorney here in Florida and then the other attorney in the Philippines, plus the government is now involved because Brianna has to be listed as an orphan because they don't allow private adoptions. Plus our travel will be expensive to go to our hearings in the Philippines, but we couldn't be happier! We are praising God for this opportunity to be parents!!!

Yeah, I'm not totally thrilled with flying that far (eeek) but then again, she's my baby, she's my daughter and she's waiting for me...and I can't wait to have her home safely here in our arms...

So, best of blessings to you and your husband and enjoy this process...you don't want to get too stressed, especially since you already have a little one to take care of!!!!

There's nothing wrong with calling for an information packet from different places....you don't have to necessarily wait until your husband's paycheck...it's up to YOU when you want to do something, so just getting the paperwork doesn't mean you HAVE to start anything yet, but it does give you a GREAT idea about what's involved...

So enjoy this time, pray, relax, and write anytime you want!!

Have a blessed day!!

Melody



P.S. I'll write back with some websites I have that actually show pictures of children available for adoption through the states...again, their older though due to the process. I personally wanted ANY AGE child, it didn't matter and it was tough looking at those children, I wanted to adopt them all. It might be hard to find an infant, but then again, that's what I said and look at us!!!!!

Talk to you soon!

P.S.S. Website - www.NationalAdoptionCenter.com

[angelical]

Melody,

Thank you for your kind and informative reply!

First of all, let me CONGRATULATE you on the birth and imminent adoption of your little girl! That is so wonderful. I cannot imagine how you must feel, having your little one so far away from you. It was hard enough on us, having Aaron in the Neonatal ICU for 6 weeks last year - - that seemed like an unbearable eternity for us. Isn't it incredible, though, the path that God can set you on?

When I look at Aaron, I know that I am well and truly blessed to be his mother. He went through a harrowing experience, because of my preeclampsia, and yet, looking at him today, one would never know it.

And now that we have everything with him settled down, I am so looking forward to finding our next child!

To clarify a couple of things about our plan ....

I used to think that I wanted to adopt an infant; however, after the year that we have had with Aaron (he was 2lbs 5oz at birth, and 4lbs 8oz when we brought him home), my husband and I agree that an older infant or child is really what we are looking for.

Also, we do plan to start our search with the state agencies, but we cannot do fostering. I could never mother a child that I might have to return to her first mother. That would be too heartbreaking, and too upsetting for our family, I believe. (i truly admire the families that CAN do that!)

I do understand though that that means we may either wait for a long time, or end up with an older child. But I believe in God's plan for us ... if it is right that we have an infant, then God will send her to us. If we are meant to raise an older child, then so be it.

As for our waiting to begin the process, while I am anxious to get started, I support my husband's view that we wait for a couple more weeks. There really should be no reason that things won't be "set", but it will give him (and me too) a better sense of security.

Good luck to you with your daughter, Melody. What an incredible story!

Sharel

PS: I have found many of the state websites with photolistings, but please send me what you know of. I may have missed some ... and maybe it will help someone else who reads these posts.

s

[CocoCapo]

Hi Sharel,
I also had pre-eclampsia and other complications with the birth of my 1st child 10 years ago, so my husband I looked into adoption. We first looked into international and private adoption and had concerns about both, until a fellow Christian recommended adopting through the local County adoptions. We ended up adopting 4 children (two sets of siblings) through the foster care system. It's a pretty amazing story about how it all worked out (but then again isn't it always amazing how God works in our lives if we let him!)
Please don't worry about finances. We received "the call" from our social worker about the availability of our first 2 children when we had just started a business and could barely pay ourselves enough the cover the mortgage, but we trusted God and he had always been faithfull to meet all our needs.
By the way, we had to become foster-parents to adopt through the county but we we only open to taking in children whose parental rights of the birth parents were terminated or close to being terminated. In this case, there is none or very little chance of the birth-parent(s) getting the child back. Once their parental rights are terminated through the courts, it's permanent. You can call your local state or county adoption agency and find out more about how it works. Let me know if you have any questions!

[angelical]

Originally posted by CocoCapo

By the way, we had to become foster-parents to adopt through the county but we we only open to taking in children whose parental rights of the birth parents were terminated or close to being terminated. In this case, there is none or very little chance of the birth-parent(s) getting the child back. Once their parental rights are terminated through the courts, it's permanent. You can call your local state or county adoption agency and find out more about how it works. Let me know if you have any questions! [/b]

"Whew!" It is good to know that that is a possibility! I cannot imagine fostering a child and then having to give her up. But if it is possible to be a "foster parent", but just for adoptable kids, now, that is an idea!

Sharel

[Mary Schilling]

Welcome to the board. My suggestion is to become adoptive parents through your local state chldren and family services office.
There are thousands of kids out there. Keep looking and get all the information that you can. One website is adoptablekids.com.
A state adoption is relatively inexpensive and subsidy may be available. We are foster/adoptive parents and we adopted our seventh foster child. We paid up front and the state reimburses the cost. Best wishes.

[paperchasingmom]

What great stories...so wonderful and inspirational!!! Praise God!!

So wonderful to see that beautiful family picture too!!!

I myself have stumbled upon the website adoptablekids.com. Unbelieveable the children that are available....I'm not sure what's involved exactly with these particular children in regards to how to adopt them, from what I can gather it looks like each child is represented by a different agency...we're sure looking into it ourselves though. My husband just kept looking at all the pictures of the children and he had the biggest smile on his face, he was so happy to see them and thinking about our possibilities!!!

I guess everyone knows by now that China is closed for their adoptions right now because of SARS....so sad to think of everyone who are waiting for their children over there....we shall keep them in our prayers....

Sharel, I wanted to send you a little note to apologize for the way I worded something in my original message back to you---it's incredible to see how our thoughts and the way we end up actually typing them during the middle of the night can be two different things! I guess that's what happens when you're up all night reading all these good posts!!! My mind and eyes got a little cross-eyed!!

What I meant to say to you originally in regards to just getting the intial information from whatever places you're interested in, I meant to say "it's up to YOU, meaning YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND, it's up to you guys to decide when you want to actually start anything....I was trying to say there was nothing wrong with actually just getting the preliminary information before his first paycheck, that just by asking for it didn't necesarily mean that you had to start it right away, but that you could just get it to read it over.....that it was up to YOU BOTH when you wanted to start your adoption process, not the adoption agency, just because you called them for information, you shouldn't feel pressured as to when to actually start the process just because you called to get information....

I'm sorry if I came across disrespectful or making it look like I was trying to tell you not to worry about your husband's feelings....I would never do that....husband's and wive's are teams and we sure do need to be on the same page don't we, especially when it comes to something as important as our kids, right?

I was horrified when I went back and read what I wrote, it made it look like I was saying it was up to YOU AND ONLY YOU, and NOT YOUR HUSBAND TOO and I sure didn't mean that....I'm sorry....

Guess I'll get off the board for now. Talk to you soon!!! Best of Blessings to everyone!

Melody

[angelical]

Melody,

Thanks for writing back. I'm really glad to get that little misunderstanding cleared up. I suppose I should have reallized what you meant, too ... I think you are right about reading these posts too late at night! lol

Oh, and this weekend, Kevin and I started looking through the information that I had sent (I did contact a couple agencies), and now that we know where we stand financially, he's very comfortable and excited about the process.

I have made a big list of all the possible agencies in our area, and I'm gonna start letting my 'fingers do the walking' and get some more info sent to us.

I can't wait!

Looking at those photolistings is so heartbreaking. I wish we could take care of them all!

Sharel

[trunks888]

My prayers will be with you.
I think we can relate abit I'm wanting to adopt a child with the same basic's as you do and i'm of moddest means to..


If you want some web site addy's to read up on alot of this stuff to answer your questions let me know I have found alot of them.

Thanks.
Take care bye.

Originally posted by angelical
Hello! My husband and I had our bio son one year ago. Due to preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome, I had to deliver 3 months early. Because of how close both Aaron and I came to not surviving that ordeal, my husband and I have decided to adopt our second child.

I really feel like there is purpose here in this. We have one wonderful son, but we feel like God may have another child out there waiting for us in this other way. I'm sure you can understand what I mean.

Anyway.... we are of modest means, with little extra money to put towards adoption (... we would rather use what we have to support our children comfortably after the adoption!). So, we are planning to work through the state, possibly getting a special needs child.

We are hoping for a causasian girl between the ages of birth and five years old.

We live in PA.

Any advice, support, hopes, prayers, etc would be appreciated. We are planning to start talking to the agency next month.

What expenses, time frame, etc. might we expect?

Thanks!
Sharel