[Jody M]

So that translates that not all circumstances are good, don't always feel good and not the way we planned. But if we do not give up Hope and put our trust in God, the covenant promise keeper- He will not fail us as man will. He will surprise us and bless us because He loves us. And his ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than our thoughts so it is good to focus on when we are going through our journey and sometimes unfavorable circumstances.
Blessings Jody Moreen, reunited adoptee, adoption leader

adoption@wideopenwest.com
www.adoptionblessingsnewsletter.com

[3lost]

ladyjubilee




I'm not certain why exactly you're angry with the adoptive family.

I am angry because I was mislead. I was told that on my sons 18th birthday I would be able to call the Baptist Childrens Home and they would have him call me. Not maybe one day he might possibly want to contact you. I was told in such a way to be made to believe that he would be raised to be prepared to call me on his 18th birthday. I though that because he was going to a Christian home that they would teach him to love and respect me as Christians are to love and respect all God's children especially that clause in the big 12 that says to honor your mother and father so that you might have a long life.

If you're son is 20, he is an adult. Are you wanting the family to override his (an adult's) decision about contact---or just go behind his back?

Since they didn't raise him the way they led me to believe that he would be raised. I would like a little respect from the family. NO I don't want them to go behind his back to contact me. I want them to tell him to his face, "in not contacting her we understand your possition and we respect that, but we also know that by her not having contact with anyone concerning you is a hurtful thing and we being loving Chirstians cannot hurt the ones that God loves that way."

I guess what I'm not quite understanding is what you expect from them......or how you want them to give you what you want without betraying him.

How can it be betraying him to contact anyone? How can it be betraying him to reach out and love someone who is hurting? Especially when that person ripped out her heart and gave it to them.

It would seem to me that this is less about insecurity or jealousies on the family's part and more about having respect for their son's choices---and his right to privacy.

I have a daughter that I am raising I wouldn't let her get away with hurting someone this way and call it her choice. I wouldn't invade her privacy either. I would contact the hurting person and do what God leads me to do for that person.

Many adoptive mom's on this forum have talked about wanting a relationship with the birthmother, even when the adult adoptee didn't.

What stopped them? How can it do any harm to get to know the person who loved their child enough to leave them in the arms of strangers?

I understand that not all 1st moms are loving moms that wanted the best for their child. Wouldn't it be great if you as an adopted kid had someone you trusted, say your adoptive mom, go and check out the other woman and see if she is ok before you plunge into a emotionally dangerous situation? If my son is afraid to become involved with me for fear of being hurt again wouldn't it be nice if he had someone to check me out first? All I am saying is that if they wrote me and got to know me they would be better able to tell if I am going to hurt him again. Doesn't that make since?

[3lost]

I found out that my son had no information about me. In his one and only letter he states that they didn't even mention my name for many years. To me this was like saying that the day they received him was the day he dropped out of heaven into their laps and no one or nothing matters before that time. So if no one in his life matters before he came there then that is saying that I don't matter. how can someone take a child into their home without thought of what went on in his life before? How can they let the love that that child has for his mother die? He at one time early in the adoption process told his 2nd Mom that she was the second best mother he ever had. That told her that he was loved and that he loved me. Why did she let that love die? Did she think that if he had no love for me that it would hurt less? Or did she just desire all his love and didn't want to share it with me even though only she could have his hugs and time?

I never suggested forcing any thing. I suggested the impossible. That he be raised to love me. That is what I believed I was getting when they told me that he would call me on his birthday if I called first. When I found out that they didn't even know where he was I felt betrayed. I felt like they lied to me to insure that I didn't back out of the adoption. How could they tell me something like that and it not be true?

I did attend an adoption support group in my area. I was the only one there. It was at a church and the pastor was there. When the person who was responsible for the meetings didn't show he called her and she was unreachable. So I left my phone number and name so she could call me so we could meet. That was several months ago and I still haven't heard a thing.

I understand about Gods timing. I do not suggest that we interfere with it. I do suggest that Gods timing is not the same as ours which is increments on a clock. I do believe that if we grow up spiritually and raise our children the same way things will always run more smoothly and much faster then they do if we don't give ourselves to God as we should do.