[Hadley2]

Hi, another thread on another forum put some questions in my mind re how more evangelically minded foster families deal with their foster child's religious being. I am speaking of fc that have an RU goal or that will be moving on to another family--that is, children whose future is uncertain or for whom the plan, at least, is to not stay with you for the duration of their childhoods, whether 18 years or two.

ETA: I realize that this is on the adoption boards, but sometimes f-a parents end up fostering children they are not going to adopt. I will also be posting this on a foster board, but for obvious reasons was interested in what the population of this board would have to say.

I will say upfront that personally I think if the parents have a particular tradition that they want their child to be in, that should be respected. If not, and they don't object, then there is nothing wrong in sharing your beliefs, traditions and community with a child as long as you they are presented as YOUR beliefs, not fact for everyone, and do not have to be theirs. I do not approve of inculcating or imprinting beliefs on young children or indoctrinating or purposefully influencing older children or even allowing them to make what should be a life-turning decision such as getting baptized or confirmed before they are in a permanent situation.

That said, I did not come to argue or chastise, but to find out:

1. If the parents requested it, would you find some way for the child to grow in the faith tradition of their birth?

2. Even if the parents did not request it, would you find some way to at least educate (not indoctrinate) the child about his/her religious roots?

3. If the parents object to you sharing your traditions with the child, do you find a way to honor that?

4. Do you draw a line between sharing your family's religious tradition with the child and trying to make it the child's tradition, too?

5. Would you allow a child in your care to be baptized or confirmed in your tradition while in your care?

For some, who only take placements amenable to their position on faith, these will be moot questions, I understand that. But for others, I would be very interested in your answers. Thank you.

[mom2GRLC]

As part of the foster licensing these questions come up.

Our answer to these questions were simple...for our family.

While the children were in our home they would attend church with our family. We have family scripture study daily, we pray before each meal or when going on long trips and together at night we have family prayer...etc.We have a family nigth once a week where we do activities and also teach gospel principles. We have missionaries come to our home for dinner ocassionally...etc. We are not a family that just goes to church on sunday and forgets about God the rest of the week. And we told them up front that we would not be attending other worship services(that the child or family wanted to attend). If the child or family was that interested in going to their own house of worship then they would either need to be placed in another home who believed in that same religion or who WAS willing to incorporate that into their life. We just weren't the family for them.

But honestly...after 53 children this hasn't been an issue at all. When DHS calls they are trying frantically to find a home for that child..and there are such limited foster families as it is. So the matching process rarely is based on the things we listed as children/situations we would accept. For example. We wrote that we ONLY wanted children newborn-5 years old. Yet I can't say how many times we got calls for teenagers of older children....some of them we did accept on occasion. I also noted that I did NOT want children with HIGH medical needs and yet I always got calls for children with G-tubes, trac tubes for breathing or newborns on breathing/oxygen machines. But I never once got a child that they had asked me to bring to another church infact none of the parents ever even made mention of them wanting us to teach or bring their child in a specific religion.

We did have one child. An 8 year old boy. Who became very interested in our church. He asked us if he could get baptised (something we never asked him about or pushed). We told him he would have to ask his mother. After a visit he came back saying that he had asked his mother and she said no...she told him he would get baptised as soon as he came back home. Which was fine for all of us...though the boy continued to express his desire to get baptized to us(on his own). After he and his sister was placed with the grandparents...we happened to see them at a church event a couple months later. The missionaries had come to their door...and the grandparents invited them in and before long all of them wewre baptized into our faith...It was truly a wonderful story/experience...and it felt so good to see the kids again and know they were so happy and thriving. (because the boy in particular was very difficult...ODD).

But I do have to say that if MY kids ever had to be in fostercare....I WOULD push that they be placed with a family within the same faith as us....though....I'm sure DHS would care less about my wishes. Since homes are so hard to find in the first place.

[Hadley2]

Thank you. To clarify for other posters, it is not really relevant to my questions whether or not the placing agency has made this a point or issue for you or "cares." I know that usually they don't and can't, because of placement shortages, make a point of it. I am curious as to your independent take and ethics on what you do.

[crick]

I've thought about this since we are thinking of fostering at some point in the future.

1. If the parents requested it, would you find some way for the child to grow in the faith tradition of their birth?

- If the child were living with us for a period of time, and the faith tradition was already a part of their lives, I would do my best to accomodate the traditions, faith, and etc. If the child is being raised Catholic, I'd find a mass to have them attend, make sure they had their rosary or whatever things I could do to give them this familiarity. They've already lost quite a bit at this point, so anything I can do to give them some sense of familiarity and comfort is important, imo.

2. Even if the parents did not request it, would you find some way to at least educate (not indoctrinate) the child about his/her religious roots?

I wouldn't educate so much as I'd likely not have the knowledge to do so. But I'd do as stated above and find a mentor/pastor/bishop etc. that can fulfill this role. The child's wishes would also have an effect in this too, if old enough to say "I want this". If it's a really young child, (say under 4) I really don't know that I'd do this though. Not because I wouldn't respect their background, but because I don't feel it would really be my place to start them on their spiritual path. I'm not sure really though how I'd handle the younger ages where they don't necessarily vocalize what they want.

3. If the parents object to you sharing your traditions with the child, do you find a way to honor that?

Depends on what it is. If the parents object to them taking part in Halloween or etc., then I would honor that to the best of my ability. Doesn't mean I would stop my own traditions though nor would I go out of my way to not expose them since they will be living in my home. If a parent strongly objects to say Christmas decor in my home and our celebrations of a holiday or an occasion, I'm not going to just stop that. I won't push or force anything, but I will keep my own celebrations & traditions as well.

If a child chooses not to pray with us, attend church, etc. then that's okay. They will be expected to respect our beliefs though, just as we'd be respecting theirs.

4. Do you draw a line between sharing your family's religious tradition with the child and trying to make it the child's tradition, too?

I do think there's a line and I'd try to achieve that balance as much as I could. There would be an exposure, of course, and I wouldn't compromise my own beliefs & celebrations etc, but that doesn't mean I'd expect the child to take part in it. And if possible, I'd include their traditions with ours. For example, if a child was of a Jewish faith, then I would learn about the details of Hanukkah and incorporate that in for them.

5. Would you allow a child in your care to be baptized or confirmed in your tradition while in your care?

Depends...some kids are already TPR'd and there is no parent to make this decision. If a child had been in my home for a long enough period of time, was of an age where they can decide this is what they want, they've been educated, and have discussed with their sw, etc., then I'd allow them to do so. However, just on a short term placement or a "whim" etc., then no. And certainly not if the child has legal parents to make this decision.

[Scrapsathome]

I know this question was posted a couple of months ago, but thought I'd reply anyway. We are licensed for foster/adopt. They asked us these very questions when they did our homestudy. We very clearly told them that any child living in our home would have to come with us to church and would be taught what we believe to be true.

For me, it would be out right lying to tell a child that my belief in Jesus Christ is only "one way" among many and that other options are just as "valid". A lot of people think it is tolerant to accept all faiths, but they are just fine with not accepting my faith which says that Jesus Christ is the only God and the only way to have eternal life.

"I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ for it is the power of God for the salvation of those who believe."

Jess