[Jody M]

I am very grateful for my upbringing, for my parents and my church always encouraged me to honor and respect all persons. Each person created is precious to God and should be viewed in that light. Of course, God gave persons free will to exercise, and we may be very disappointed or offended by the actions or behavior of others. We still need to maintain honor and respect in the ways in which we communicate with them or speak of them with other persons. Often our emotions can get in the way. Birth Parents or Adoptive Parents may have hurt us emotionally or physically by their actions, behavior or ways they may have neglected us or others. And the hurt may be from past circumstances or continue to be a reality. Still, as Christian people we need to maintain integrity in our words as we interact or share with others about individuals.
My dad always reminded me that we cannot judge people from the surface. To "walk a mile in another man's moccassin" means to look at them in light of their life experiences, their hurts and challenges, circumstances. It is easy for us to say how we would react or respond in situations, but we cannot say how another would for we have not lived their life. This is not to say we do not set boundaries and command respect ourselves from others, we need to. Nor does it say that we just have a blind eye and excuse another for their poor choices and actions. When we ask God to guide us and give us His grace to respond in love and honor, He will help us to do what is right. And to not add more hurt and shame and dishonor to another. One can address another person's behavior/actions without demeaning them as a person. "To hate the sin, love the person"
My adoptive mom is a beautifull women of prayer. And she has taught and modeled to me the life of prayer to God. The bible commands us to pray for those we love and even those who persecute us or our enemies. When you pray for someone, you rarely can remain angry at them. One's heart changes, and God does a transforming work in us, when we send our prayers heavenward for those who hurt/dissapoint, or challenge us.
Some persons journal their thoughts to God and in the process, get out their "angry feelings" instead of lashing out at another or bashing their name before others.

Would love to hear from others as to how they have strived to honor others in light of challenging personalities, or persons who are difficult to love, respect and honor.
May we reflect God's love as we bring His light and love to a fallen world. Daily we need to pray for His Holy Spirit to fill us with his love and compassion, so that we may mirror Him to others who long to know Him.
Blessings, Jody

[Jody M]

Please share your experience as you have navigated adoption reunion and showing love, even in challenging situations, Blessings, Jody

[Jody M]

I'd love to hear some positive stories on how others have navigated dealing with difficult personalities in the adoption, adoption reunion journey. Some personalities can just be plain tough to deal with- but love to hear how some had had victory and progress in communication/meetings. We can all be encouraged and gain wisdom and insights from others.
Blessings, Jody

[JoEvans]

I respect my youngest daughter's parents. (adoptive)
They are active Christians and brought my daughter up in a Christian like atomosphere.

When I was growing up, I too was brought up in a religion, one of which I have fallen away from, and adventured out and seeked other faiths, since I have been a teen. Currently, I am not active in any religion or church. But I still believe in God.

Since our reunion last August, I believe my daughter is happy and that her parents are the best thing that has ever happened to her. Their faith has made them stronger through all the trials and hardship they have faced while raising my daughter as their own.

My Parents are active in their religion. And they tried to bring my sisters and I up in their religion in hopes that we will all benefit from it. Currently, only my older sister is active in the same religion.

To me.. Religion is one of those things I rarely talk about. IN MY OPINION: I have noticed and I believe that those who have been raised up in a "Christian like" atomosphere, and those who are still active in their religion, are happier than those who don't.

[Jody M]

Thanks Jo for sharing your beautiful post- how honoring to the adoptive parents and to your daughter's character. All would have not been possible without you and your decisions! I never met my birth mother for both of my birth parents died before I found my birth family. I hold up my birth mother in honor for how her decisions touched my life and the life of my adoptive parents and extended family. I pray you may find your birth son and be reunited in God's perfect timing! The free outreach journal Adoption Blessings Journal I have published, has 9 issues of wonderful adoption stories, of hope, faith and healing by adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents.
Thanks again Jo for sharing and your post is most moving and a beautiful glimpse into your loving, caring and compassionate heart!
Jody

[Jody M]

Share how God has helped you honor your birth and or adoptive parents regardless of your personal feelings or their responses to you.
Thanks, Jody

[Jody M]

Any more feedback to this post?? Or others experiences in this area are welcome!
Thanks for participating!
Jody

[jackielove]

I honored my birth mother by honoring her. I gave her mother day cards, despite her having no concern for my birthday. I sent her a card with a bouquet of flowers on it. Each flower represented a year of my life. I wrote a poem with it, thanking her for giving birth to me etc... I sent her photos of my family. She said that she would send me some photos, she sent some after I wrote her a email letting her know how I felt about her not keeping her word.
I found her other daughter that she gave up for adoption ( I was not looking for her birth daugter, it just happened) I told my b mom about her daughter, believing that she would be happy, considering she wrote me a letter telling me about her beautiful birth daughter that she gave up and how she prayed for her every night and wondered where she was) Well, she totally did not believe it was her child,although there was plenty of matching information that stated that she was. her daughters birth date, matching number on birth certificates, race, same birth father on birth papers, State, Birth home, etc....

I also sent my birth m. a photo of me, in return my birth mother emailed me and thanked me for the photo. She told me that I was beautiful, I would enjoy comparing notes with her daugter, she was not only beautiful but smart...

The woman who gave birth to me, has made alot of evil, negative statements about me in the past. What I learned from my experiences with her, was to leave her alone. THat is how I honor her, I leave her alone, because if not I may end up getting myself in alot of trouble with God, because I may retaliate and I would hate to do that. Not because of her but my fear of God and his word.

[Jody M]

Thanks Jackie and I am sorry that your birth mother has not responded in love and grace to you. It is apparent that she is a troubled woman and in much pain and hurt and likely fears rejection herself. I would bet you that she has felt betrayed and rejected alot in her past and the reason she is not open to you- can be that because others have hurt her she has big trust issues. She feels way to vulnerable to open her heart and life to anyone- for in her past that meant rejection and abandonment and pain. Her reactions and response to you are not loving or caring but I know we have to look beneath the surface to understand why. Again, I am not making excuses for her- but it appears she cannot give love for she likely has locked her pain and hurt deep down, does not trust people and so cannot reach out and be vulnerable to be hurt again. You may know your intentions have been only to love and honor her but because of past issues in her life and relationships, she may have no trust that anyone could love her. And her greatest fear is to be rejected and abandoned or betrayed again. This is TRULY difficult for those who find a person so troubled and hurt. For we all long to find a person that is healthy and whole and warmly receives us and embraces us, encourages our life. But many persons cannot do this. Both my birth parents died years before I found my birth sisters. My birth mother died homeless and I do not believe she ever had victory over her alcoholism or broken emotions. Had I found her, she likely would not have been able to love me either.
I pray God will continue to guide you in a healing journey as He has done for me. I now feel his compassion and love in a very deep way as I have healed from my unresolved grief and losses in adoption.

Appreciate your sharing Jackie!
Jody

[jackielove]

Thank you Jody!

[Peggysue]

I have only just looked at this thread! Jody, what you wrote in your first post is so helpful, about our feelings and attitudes. How we speak about and behave towards those who may have hurt us deeply. Also how you pointed out that our bfamilies may have been very broken people. Jackie, I was wondering how you were and I've just seen your recent posts. I am really pleased that God has given you such love for your bmother.

Both your stories give hope for those of us who long to be healed of the effects of our relinquishment.

Going back to your original post Jody, I suppose we honour our parents by realizing that we all have human weaknesses. So we approach sorting out our relinquishment issues from a "problem solving" rather than a "blaming" stance. I think we need to be realistic otherwise we may have views of ourselves which are not true. We need to know what are other people's issues and what are our own. To use a metaphor, if I'm ill it doesn't help either of us if you take the medicine. Similarly if you break your leg there is no point in me putting mine in plaster! Imagine being in a room full of people who have colds. It would be silly for us to say "what's wrong with me I'm not sneezing". We need to see things for what they are, and I think this is much harder in the emotional area than the physical, where things are more tangible. This may lead us to facing hard facts about our parents. I think it is our heart attitude towards them which affects whether or not we are honouring them. I can't quite explain it, but it is slightly different to our feelings. We choose to honour them because God tells us to, and because we know that although they have human weaknesses, so to do we.

Does that make sense?

Peggysue