[PastorStephanie]

I am curious as to how Christian adoptees (or aparents or bparents) see God in and through their adoptions, reunions and healing process.

As a Christian, my faith affects everything I do. I strive to include God in my day to day life and to allow Him to influence my decisions, my emotions and my future. Being an adult adoptee has a profound affect on my life. I talk to God about it every day. As a young person, I saw God's hand in saving me from being aborted. (You can read that story under "She Chose Adoption" entitled "Spoiled by love from every side" - if you're interested). Through reunion, I have seen God awaken spiritual thirst in the lives of my bfamily (although I am careful to not force God on them). My bmom has said that one of the reasons that God has brought us into reunion was to help encourage their faith in Him.

But it is the healing part of my journey where I most see God's hand. The every day stuff. When my thoughts are being consumed with fear and doubt about my bfamily- God reminds me to "Take every thought captive". When I am crippled by rejection (or percieved rejection), God reminds me that I am His first. When I am alone and feel like no one understands the issues that adoption brings- Jesus reminds me that He too, had a complicated family situation that involved a afather raising Him...

So, I am wondering... what role does God play in your adoption expereince?

[kakuehl]

Good question. First, I would have to say that it was my faith in God's unconditional love that got me through a pregnancy where I knew how much I had betrayed my own standards and beliefs and disappointed my parents. I believed in God's forgiveness when I couldn't forgive myself.

I would have to say that I truly see God's hand in my reunion with D. Over the years I made occasional attempts to enable him to find me, leaving a letter with the "proper" department in Maryland, telling him how to locate me if he wished. (He never got the letter; when he began his search, the agency his parents used was closed.) When I registered here, I found his name immediately, but all his info was out of date. He had registered several years ago, found nothing and never checked back.

I truly see this reunion as occuring in God's time. I easily located D's dad. I had known that he was a "mainline" pastor (one of the few pieces of info I actually had.) When I was trying to locate D I came upon his dad's name and address. I recognised the address as the parsonage of the Lutheran Church in my hometown. I checked the ELCA roster and he is indeed the pastor of my home congregation! (Ok God, I hear you laughing!)

I see kairos (God's time - the "right" time) in the timing of our reunion. D has told me that had I found him at 18 or even 25 he would not have been as open to reunion. We reunited the same year his daughter was born and he married, bought a house, started a new job, and lost his favorite dog. (All within a 6 month period!) And yet it was the right time for him.

I see God's hand in the way my 3 children have bonded as siblings and in the way D's "a&b" families celebrated Christmas together in a relaxed low key way, despite the fact some of us were meeting for the first time.

I could probably continue...but I'll stop there.

[Peggysue]

Hi Pastor Stephanie,

Thanks for raising the question.

I am an adoptee in my fifties, adopted under the closed system in the UK. I see God's hand primarily in the healing process. For years I had feelings of desolation, isolation and sometimes terror. They often got tied up with current situations (bereavement, divorce, or even small things like waiting for a phone call!). I also confused them with Christianity, getting the wrong idea of the cost of being a Christian, and thinking that God wanted me depressed. I will now emphasize for anyone reading this that THIS IS WRONG. God does not want us depressed.

However it took a while for me to realise this and I am still being healed of bad memories (see other posts). Years ago friends praying for me had a picture of a baby being well looked after physically but ignored emotionally. I believe this was me in foster care. The picture helped me identify my pain with my babyhood. Later I asked God why I could not rid myself of the bad feelings with positive thoughts. He told me "They came before language" as clearly as if He had spoken. I realised then that a new-born baby has no language skills and would have sensations rather than thoughts. This meant that the bad feelings were not from Him, which made me realise my mistake in thinking that He wanted me depressed. That was a major relief!! Since then He has reassured me of His care for me and given me lovely promises for the future. Right now it is hard, but He has told me that it will be so whilst He heals me.

My aparents have died and I have not yet traced my bfamily, although I have prayed about it and am waiting for the go-ahead from God.

Like you adoption has had a profound effect on me and I constantly talk to God about it. Often this takes the form of asking what people really meant in conversations when I have over-reacted to a comment. Or for courage to go somewhere where I fear rejection, and for every detail of the event even down to whom I sit next to and what is/isn't said.

I hope you are healed of your painful memories. I know it is hard when people don't understand. Have you read other threads on here? The "delayed grieving/loss" one is very helpful. Another big blessing from God for me was finding this site!

Blessings

Peggysue

[PastorStephanie]

Kathy, that is so amazing that D's father is/was the pastor of the church in your hometown! Who says God does not have a sense of humor??! PeggySue, how freeing for you it must have been to learn that God wanted you to be filled with joy instead of mourning! I can just feel the waves of relief that that must have brought you.

Something that I just read in the Bible yesterday really leapt out at me... His promise to "never fail you or abandon you" (Joshua 1:5b). This really spoke to me because this journey has its lonely points but I was reminded that I am never actually alone... not ever!

[Jody M]

Greetings Pastor Stephanie! I was on vacation and just returned. Thanks for your question. God has played a key role in my adoption experience, healing and adoption ministry. I was blessed to be adopted at 9 mos by a wonderful adoptive family and in my mid 30's did a search and found my birth family- 3 sisters, my adoptive parents were deceased by the time I found. I attended adoption support groups in Indiana and Illinois for the past 12 years for adult adoptees, birth parents & adoptive parents and love encouraging others touched by adoption. I have done alot of writing on adoption and leading online adoption groups- adoption is my passion. Here is a poem God gave to me in 1998 one morning after having a quiet time reading my daily bible reading:

An Adoptee's Praise

Sovereign Lord, My Great Creator, Maker of wind and skies and sea.
I'm filled with wonder how your loving hands created me, an adoptee.
Master Designer, Skillful Potter, you're the Life, the Truth, the Way.
Your love shaped me and formed me from some still and lifeless clay.
My First Father, One All Knowing, through your love I was conceived.
I was in your plan and in your heart, for it was in me that you
believed.
There in secret, in the darkness, you were there when my life took form.
Inside my birth mom you hid and sheltered me, kept me safe from every storm.
God My Maker, Master Artist, Chosen Seed of Israel's race.
You painted colors of the brightest rainbow to reflect in me my birth mom's face.
Breathed your life in me, Oh Mighty Spirit, One the winds and waves obey.
Stilled my anxious cries, sought a family who would a sure foundation lay.
You heard the weeping of my birth mom, knowing motherhood was not an option.
You walked beside her, lit a pathway to a plan you called adoption.
Mighty Anchor, My Protector, I felt adrift in a world so dark.
Your love guided me, like baby Moses, you cradled me safe inside your 'ark'
You went before me, prepared a better way, heard the cries of a woman barren.
Filled her lifelong dreams, gave her new hope, Oh you precious Rose of Sharon!
You chose a mother, who came to love you, in whom your faith and grace did dwell
Through her guidance and caring counsel, she mirrored your love,
Emmanuel.
Master Builder, Shaper of Mountains, I trace your blueprint in the sand.
My adoption shaped me through loving choices into a pattern you had planned.
Holy Spirit, Precious Heavenly Dove, you've caused my heart to cry and sing.
Your ever presence through my adoption journey has kept me safe beneath your wing!

© Jody Moreen, 1998
Naperville, IL. (Chicagoland area)

[PastorStephanie]

Jody, your poem is beautiful. It really struck me in a profound manner. I appreciate how you interwove the adoption experience/journey with the names of God. It illuminated, for me, how God was there during all the stages: from conception to birth to adoption and through life!

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

As an adoptive parent, I believe our entire journey was in God's hands. BUT, I was so frustrated and angry during the begining stages (infertility) that it was not until my boys were in my arms that I realized that he was saving me for something more special than I ever could have imagined!

[BrockBaby]

Wow, what a great thread. The only trouble is knowing where to start! I feel that I could write a book about the ways God has been with me in my adoption journey. The relationship that I have with God colors EVERYTHING in my life.
As a young child, I was very aware of God in my life, but not until I was much older did I realize how much my relinquishment and adoption effected me spiritualy as well. I had ALWAYS loved God, and was saved in fourth grade...but I didn't realize that God not only had salvation for me, but He also had HEALING for me. And God is such a gentle, loving Father that He helps us through our healing. He does it in a way that we are able to digest it, to recieve it, to make it a part of our everyday living. I had gone to a baptist church from the time I was in fourth grade till 1998. The baptist church gave me a wonderful foundation of salvation, but the PARTICULAR church that I went to was VERY legalist, and I never quite felt that I belonged. (afterall I did go to a PUBLIC SCHOOL!!!) I think being adopted and having those feelings of not quite fitting in my adoptive family (not that I was treated differently, but just that I was so different than everyone else) made me take the "not quite fitting in at church" feeliings more personal, and made me feel like I would never "quite fit" anywhere. Then that all changed when I was invited to a concert night at a church that is literally three minutes from my house, that's including making a complete stop at the stop sign...lol. When I entered that church I knew something was different. And God is sooo good, and His timing is SO perfect. This all happened when my grandma was layed up from having a knee replacement. LONG story short...which is hard for me....I really got plugged into the new church, and I still attend. God really began to move in the area of my adoption and my feelings connected with it. There was one Sunday in particular that God showed me it was time to deal. Believe it or not, on that sunday a lady from the church got up to give a testimony of finding her birth family! Then after church a friend and I were out shopping talking about my adoption, when we were looking at games. On the back of the box was a question... If you were adopted and wanted to search.....I was like OK GOD I HEAR YOU!!!! I had been going to my pastors wife for some counseling, and was amazed at how much my adoption was playing into my life. I felt that I was a mistake. That I wasn't suppose to be born...and God began to show me that HE created me...HE formed me...HE was there for me! And the beginning of a LONG journey began. I could really go on and on and on about all that He has done for me. But I fear this post is already too long....so until next time God Bless...
By-the-way, I am so glad to find this area, I never realized that there was an area for christian adoptees!

[Jody M]

Alyssa, thank you so much for sharing your story with us and how God has beautifully touched your life, heart and began a work in healing you from any losses or wounds you may have carried from adoption. He is a redeeming God and He has been with you each and every step of your journey.
I loved reading how God lead you each step to the persons, the church and the circumstances to bring you to awareness of your need for Him and for healing in adoption. I look forward to getting to know you- I have been the I guess host of this group and am thrilled when people find it! I am sorry it is hard to find for they place it under Faith based forums and often persons don't see that category either. Share with others that we are here! I am Jody Moreen, and I am a reunited adoptee and live in the suburbs of IL. I have lead an adoption triad support group at my church for the past 8 years. Last night I shared my adoption testimony at an area Sanctity of Life Prayer service in honoring life (in conjunction with the 34th year since the Roe vs Wade decision made abortion legal in this nation) I believe adoptees can make a BIG impact by sharing their gratitude for LIFE and adoption! I hope more and more will be encouraged to share openly!
Blessings Alyssa and thanks for posting!
Jody

[kakuehl]

Alysa, I was really touched by your story.

May I say as a birth mother that I believe every child is a gift of God. D was born at the wrong time for my life (because of my own actions) but he was never a mistake. He was definitely born at the right time for his parents (the ones who adopted him as their own and raised him.)

Also, I have been thinking a lot lately how as Christians ALL of us are adoptees! We have been adopted into the family of God.(Ephesians 1:5 He destined us for adoption as his children through Jesus Christ, according to the good pleasure of his will,) When you're feeling like a mistake remember whose child you are.

[Jody M]

Kathy- thanks so much for posting and YES, all children are a gift from God- and we are all ADOPTEES spiritually when we embrace Christ in our hearts and lives.
I have much love in my heart for you and all birth mothers and birth parents who made the decision for LIFE for their child and made an adoption plan. I never had the opportunity to thank my birth mom and birth father for the gift of Life and adoption- they passed away before I found them. May God bless you and honor you and give you much joy and blessings for giving the most precious gift to your son- the gift of LIFE.
Thanks Kathy so much for sharing!
Jody

[BrockBaby]

Yes, I knew that we were all adopted by God, and to be honest with you I had a VERY VERY hard time with that. I honestly didn't even realize how much, until one day someone said something about us being adopted by God and I flinched. I DID NOT WANT TO BE ADOPTED AGAIN! Well this last year has been a MAJOR year of healing.. which perhaps I'll get into later, not five minutes before I go to bed.. But we were at Pizza Hut after an AMAZING Friday Night Fresh Levels Of Worship (F.L.O.W) Service and a very, close and mentor-type of friend said to me, "I was praying about you tonight, and I feel that your healing will not happen until you allow God to adopt you." She had NO CLUE my true feelings about the "God adopting us" thing. Needless to say, that led to me really seeking God about this. And I am happy to say, that I did FINALLY "allow" God to adopt me. And it is with Great Joy and PEACE that I can say, I am an ADOPTED Daughter of God's.. not just saved, but a HEIR!!!!
Does this make sense? lol... I've had a LONG day...

[PastorStephanie]

Alysa, yes! That makes perfect sense! I struggled with the same issue- allowing God to adopt me. When you wrote "I didn't want to be adopted again!" I could totally relate. I thought I was all alone in that feeling. It is amazing how God takes us along the journey of healing and how He is so faithful to us. The whole concept that you shared earlier, too, about God being the one who formed you and created you... is such a beautiful thing to grasp as an adoptee! Psalm 139 "He knit me together in my mother's womb..." means something much deeper and much more meaningful to adoptees as well as their b and a parents!

[surfswan]

I believe that God has a huge role in adoption and can lead us to this decision because of a plan He may have with our lives or the potential role we may have in our adoptive childs life. My husband and I have spoken about the will to adopt from the very first few months that we met. We have always hoped that a child would come into our lives through whatever ccircumstance gave us that opprtunity.It was never a question that we wanted to adopt a child-but the how/when part ws unclear. After 2 years of marriage and 3 miscarriages ( the last one was actually a fetal demise, leading me to acknowledge that the little soul inside of me passed away at 5 months pregnant) we now beleive that this waqs Gods plan all along.Through the heartache and sadness, I think there is a reason.I believe that reason is that maybe God felt that a biological child may not have been in His plan for us.Thus, I am now investigating the process of how and why to adopt, and pray that He brings a child into our home that we can provide love and a Christian household to.Maybe this child would never have been brought to know the love of the Lord without us. I continue to pray and would love the prayers and support of others to answer discover the path that was meant for us and a potential life.

[Jody M]

Hi Pastor Stephanie! I too see how amazing God's healing power in my adoption journey has been! When I would hear the word adoption as a child or even young adult- it held a "sting" to it. There is definately a "loss" side and a separation in adoption that is felt by the birth parents and adoptee. And for me I never pondered this much growing up but had an "awakening" in my mid-thirties. Then with God's help, counseling, attending adoption support groups, reading and prayer, I was able to grieve that loss and come to closure and healing. Now my identity seems to have shifted to being a child of my loving heavenly Father- He has been with me each and every day of my life- even in the depths of the womb he has held me and protected me. I praise my First Father who promises to be with me through eternity as His adopted child and heir! Oh how blessed we are!
Thanks for sharing, Jody