[WorkinProgress]

Hello. I just began checking out this forum two days ago. That's actually the first time my husband and I ever really considered adoption. My cousin and her husband, both meth addicts, are pregnant with their second child. Custody on the first was terminated about 6 months ago and that child is now being raised by his grandparents. My aunt and uncle do not have the physical health to raise two young children at this stage of their lives and my cousin and her husband have asked that our family consider adopting this baby.

We have three children by birth, ages 5, 3 & almost two. Life is a bit crazy. I have to admit that I both leap at this opportunity as well as cringe away in fear. There are a lot of unknowns in this process, including details of this type of open adoption as well as potential long-term health issues for this precious baby.

Specific questions I would appreciate opinions or suggested resources include the following:

1. Bonding - how is this the same/different than with birth children?
2. What are issues that come up in an open or family adoption that we should be aware of through this process?
3. Do you come to a place where you know in your heart that this is right, what God would have, or do you sometimes just have to jump in and know that God will meet you there?

Thank you so much for your input and suggestions.

[Jody M]

Dear Work in Progress, thanks for sharing your story and potential to become adoptive parents to your cousins baby. I do know that if you ask God and lay this situation into His hands He will open or close doors and show you the way. He is faithful to give wisdom to those who ask in Faith.
Bonding with any child, biological or adopted is a process. Some adoptees do have attachment issues- so good to know this upfront, and there are many helps in this area and books written, groups and writings on the internet. Your love will grow as you invest your love to the child and God touches your heart. For some the emotional affection felt is immediate, and for others it grows as the relationship has time and memories.
Of course health issues would definately be a concern where the birth parents are drug addicted. Reading up on the internet and in books on this topic of drug impact on infants- short term and long term would be very advisable so that you would be equipped to understand this important facet of this special needs baby.
Also, family adoptions, also called Kinship Adoptions do have unique joys and challenges - and you can find more info on the journey of kinship adoptions- if you put those words in a search engine - I know there are forums, I believe on this list that talk about Kinship adoption.
Kinship adoption can be a positive thing for the adoptee, since they know their biological relatives and are raised in the "family" Of course, challenges can come up with "ownership" entititlement and visitation, especially when family is related and so you would have to set up some loving but healthy boundaries, ensuring your role as the parents of this baby. It would be neat for this child to know his sibling, adopted by the grandparents.
If you feel the Spirit moving in your heart, continue in prayer and also see that your husband is in agreement. Thanks for sharing and keep us posted!
Blessings to you!
Jody

[WorkinProgress]

Thanks for your encouragement. After spending the last couple days collecting knowledge, we're now assimilating that and spending much time in prayer. For me, it boils down to this...if this baby belongs with us, the other issues/questions will get worked out in their own time (with God's help). So, that is our prayer...is this baby for us.

Thank you for your prayers. I'll let you know what the decision is.

Amy

[Jody M]

May God lead you Amy as your family proceeds in this adoption- thanks for posting!
Blessings, Jody

Visit my new Adoption Blog
Adoptees Cafe: Devotions for Adopted Persons

http://www.adopteescafe.blogspot.com

[kilpatrick]

Hi, my name is Denny, my wife and i are at the beginning of the adoption process. the baby is almost two weeks old and we have had her for over a week. She had cocaine in her system at birth, also a collapsed lung and fluid around her heart. My son is the father, at the start they wAnted to adopt her out , thats when we steped in, we fell in love with her at once, we want to adopt her and give her the love and care she desirves. We are both retired and can give much time to this blessed child. There doesnt seem to be any medical problems now, God has touched her with his healing hand. Any info would be great on this matter, thanks and God bless. Denny