[Jody M]

To Be an Adoptee, means to be orphaned first [General] - adoptedone - adoption@wideopenwest.com @ 01:52:39
As an adoptee who was fortunate to be adopted by a loving family, I always was told I was “chosen”, special, hand picked. I always embraced this growing up as a positive feeling- the special privilege of being among an “elite” group of those adopted. I wore my position proudly like a prized letter sweater bestowed on an aspiring athlete.
But one day a schoolmate in 6th grade, had somehow heard it through the grapevine that I was adopted. He chose to confront me on the school bus. He asked me why my parents had given me away, why they did not keep me. Oooooh, OUCH! I had never looked at my adoption from that vantage point. I wouldn’t allow myself to go there.
All of a sudden that blissful state of adoption I had known did not feel so good. My “good feelings” bubble broke. My proud “letter sweater” unraveled quickly. It felt downright ugly and shameful in the terms my ears heard it portrayed. It was the first time I was “awakening” to the knowledge that to be adopted, meant to first have been orphaned, to be have been separated from the parents who were my birth parents. To be with out parents, to be alone, without someone to call me their own, without a place on this earth of belonging or welcome. A lonely place.............. A sad story....... But one that luckily did not end there. But the grieving that lay suppressed inside, finally was being released, acknowledged, comforted, nutured and cared for. As a middle aged adult, who had never explored all my complex emotions in adoption before, I grieved the orphan in me who was left, unable to remain with her birth family.
Though the story has a happy ending, this place of my former “orphanhood” was important in my process to forming my identity. It could no longer be ignored or suppressed. To recognize that my adoption story had a happy and a sad side to it. And that I had PERMISSION to feel both, to own all my personal feelings - to grieve the losses and to embrace the celebration of adoption into a new family. This was liberating, this was freeing! 1st John says “You shall know the truth, and the truth SHALL set you free”

Are you touched by adoption? Have you given yourself PERMISSION to acknowledge your complex feelings related to your adoption story? Have you felt PERMISSION from others to grieve the losses of the past or have you felt misunderstood or cut off and likely stuffed these feelings deep inside? Give yourself PERMISSION to feel all your feelings (happy and sad ) and chose safe people to do that with. Do you need to give someone else the PERMISSION to grieve, even if you don’t fully understand it all? Give someone this gift today of PERMISSION to feel and process their feelings and be blessed!