[myforeverchild]

HI , a quick introduction , I have 2 bio kids and an adoptive stepdaughter , who is now 15 . I adopted her and have raised her full time since she was 4. This is totally O/T with adoption , just to do with meal time battles. Who else has them with their kids.

My daugheter is a GREAT eater and we never had to battle with her to eat. My bio sons are 8 and 5 and it's always been somewhat a battle. I find myself making more meals of convenience then a full healthy meal. Food out of boxes seem to be quick for a working family and usually what the kids will eat.

So when I try to take on the challenge of a real meal , meats , vegs etc , I fight with my boys , especially the 8yr old. For 2 months now my husband and I have been cracking down , and i know things don't change overnight , but I do see an improvement , so I know it's working. Tonight was a terrible battle , my son will not eat meats or vegs. We have roast beef , potatoes and carrots for supper , he Loves potatoes , so I give him ONE piece of meat , chopped very fine to make it easier to eat and ONE carrot also cut into tiny piece to make it easier. because I know he hates it I only give a few bites to not torture but to make him get some of the nutrients needed. I give them amble time to eat like 45mins and I will even reheat the food once, after that too bad. If they don't eat they go to bed. So my son is in bed at 6pm this makes me feel terrible but I'm hoping after a few supper bedtimes it will get better , am I doing the wrong thing , i feel sick to my stomach sending them to bed , but also know if I give in NOTHING will improve. I am a strict person in some ways but also my kids have everything and are loved to pieces, the worse part is they really are great behaving kids , it's just they WON"T eat, and yes they are growing great so that's not a concern , but my 8yr old suffers headaches almost daily and in the last 2 months has had maybe 2 , and I do believe it's becasue he is eating better , even though it's a huge battle to get him to eat "good" foods.

Thanks for letting me ramble,
SAD MOM FEELING BLUE TONIGHT
JENN

[toria]

sorry you are sad and feeling blue. i was going to post a similar thread. my daughter will eat anything but my son will go ALL day sometimes without eating. we keep putting meals in front of him and he denies them. he constantly asks for chips (which mean multi grain wheat thins) and we were giving them to him between meals. but now that is what he wants for his meal !!!!!!!!!!! it feels really bad to know that he hasn't eaten all day !! he always eats breakfast but the rest of the day is a battle!!!!!!!

[toria]

woops, somehow my message posted before i finished!!

I was having a hard day today too....and sometimes when you look around at other families, they seem so perfect and i feel like we are the only ones struggling. I'm not sure of your story...but my husband and i have tried and waited to have children for 10 years and then when you have bad days you just feel guilty.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you (and for me too ) I wish I had answers. Best wishes.

[mom2justynsarah]

I am very lucky because my 7 year old loves fruits & vegetables. But being a fulltime working mom can make it real hard to make healthy meals. I too am guilty of making "boxed" dinners. But hey, we do what we have to do.

I will share with you some things my son eats. He loves dipping baby carrotts into blue cheese dressing. He loves broccoli and cheese or cauliflower and cheese.

I often try to make sweet potatoes. They are packed with so much good nutrients! Usually they are sweet enough. But if they need some help, I will sprinkle some cinnamin and butter.

Sometimes I will make him a fruit smoothie. I will take a banana, strawberries, blueberries (or whatever combination of fruits I have) and blend it in with yogurt.

He enjoys banana's with a small bit of peanut butter to dip. Or apples with honey are a huge favorite.

There are some awesome books out there regarding healthy eating for kids. I think the one I have is called "Healthy Kids, Healthy Meals." Or something like that. It's packed with some great recipes/ideas on how to incorporate healthy foods into a meal.

Good luck!

[toria]

loved your ideas MOM2... I'm going to try the smoothie first !!! Hope this helps JENN

[myforeverchild]

Thanks gals for your support and great ideas Mom2

My son will not eat any vegs even with dips, the only meat he will eat is Hamburger...and fruit consists of the occassional apple or banana.
I know my situation is not uncommon but it's so fustrating when neither of my boys will eat a meal. My daughter has always ate and I did all the same things with her..LOL.
My situation as far as adoption ....it's my dream to adopt and I am on these boards all day off and on... I did adopt my daughter from my husband when she was 4 and I have been her mom. I struggle with infertility and both of my boys were "luckly" conceived through fertility treatments , i'm not sure if I could have another now , i haven't taken the fertility treatments but also have not got preg on my own since my last 5yrs ago. I will presue adoption in the future or become a foster parent when the boys get a bit older, I just read all these boards becasue I think adoption is so wonderful and when it becomes my time I will know lots..hehe.

Feeling a bit better today , but breakfast is never a challenge , ask again after supper and I will probably feel blue again.....
Jenn

[spaypets]

You know, I wouldn't even bother sending him to bed. My daughter simply isn't hungry for dinner most nights, and since she eats well the other part of the day, we just make her taste everything and then ignore it.

If you _only_ serve healthy foods, eventually they'll get hungry and eat. Normal kids won't starve themselves.

[LisaCA]

I was told that kids eat big meals for breakfast, then with the later meals the consumption falls off dramatically. we don't worry about it, just let dd do her thing. now i have to say she eats well, but I do notice a pattern of less for lunch and sometimes less for dinner.

if they can snack on things, that tends to curb their desire for the big meal. I think kids would rather eat little bits 6 or7 times a day.

good luck!!!

[numbr1dbcksfan]

You might try dipping sauces for the meat too.. like ketchup and bbq -- I know that is irritating sometimes but if it gets them to eat it.

I rarely serve meat but do use boxed stuff sometimes... veggie crumbles are good in hamburger helper... we recently tested that! And when we did eat meat.. you can add veggies INTO anything... grean beans go in any HH.. (I assume that is what you mean by boxed...)

Try mixing veggies into foods they will eat.

You have a lifetime of eating these foods... to them they are foreign objects!!!

Honey is great on carrots! Asparagus is great in any casserole. Potatos, eggs and cheese are great (and they can have ketchup)! And if all else fails... try making a breakfast item with dinner.. Dont under-estimate the power of cheese (or putting stuff on top of a pizza with low-fat cheese). Kids like anything with the word pizza attached to it...

Good Luck. My ex-roommate went through a phase where her son would only eat chicken nuggets and hot dogs. He grew out of it.

[Jensboys]

I would say the same about supper - they dont eat much. I have a HUGE (as in skinny but tall) 8 year old who eats MASSIVE amounts of breakfast, and almost nothing for supper. Luckily for us, ALL our kids LOVE vegies and they are usually the first to go, but meat is always slow.

I agree that what you are doing is right. I would maybe not punish (but if you feel you should, then go for it!) but I would simply serve dinner for breakfast - especially since the amounts of food you serve are so small. Essentially he is still winning - he doesnt have to eat what he doesnt want to eat. I dont allow that "out". This is your supper - it is the food that must be consumed before I offer you more food (either dessert, a before bed snack, or heh even breakfast). You dont have to do that very often before they realize half a carrot is NOT going to kill them .

My 9 year old son HATES pasta - as in would rather DIE than eat it. But I still cook it once in a while and he MUST eat a small portion (tablespoon size) simply because its a part of our family dinner.

Sometimes with a sauce dinner (spaghetti for example) I will allow the kids to choose ONE vegie from the sauce they dont have to eat - but the rest must be eaten. For example, they can pick out all the green peppers, but then the mushrooms must be eaten. They feel like they have some control, but are still consuming alot of good foods. You might try serving a salad and giving him that option - choosing one vegie from the salad he doesnt have to eat.

You can also do things like make spaghetti or a sauce and puree the vegies to put in it so they arent visible. I have added entire heads of broccoli without anyone noticing a taste difference. Although that sort of defeats the retraining - it does help with nutrition.

And I do think that 8 is PLENTY old enough to learn to eat what is served to them without complaint .

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I think that just depends on whether the goal is to 'train' them to eat something without complaint.

I allow complaining. And wont force her to eat anything.. I dont feel it is MY dinner, it is OUR dinner.

But anyway. The puree idea is good. I would use it if the concern is simply nutrition. Coming from a finicky eater... why build hostility between you and your child over food....

[LisaCA]

we serve entree and side dishes, dd can eat whatever of those, but nothing else. we then reheat if necessary. it also goes in the fridge so if she's hungry before bed she can have the leftovers, lol. she can just eat bread if she wants, or salad, or entree.

no war, just a line drawn in the sand, lol. but again, so far so good and she's a good eater.

and we haven't changed our diet much (other than eliminating the snack foods) because of dd. she eats what we eat, including my "cream of brussel sprout soup". she actually likes it now, he he he

and she likes dipping, so I put a salad with dressing and she'll dip almost anything in it (even if it's rather gross, lol. we just don't watch her eat- i take my glasses off so it's just blurred).

btw, if you want to sneak in the veggies, try using vegetable stock in mash potatoes, or pureeing carrots and what not and adding it to potatoes. Veggie patties for lunch or dinner work, or sneak veggies pureed in meatloaf etc. You can also hide veggies in pizza (pureed, spread on dough under tomato sauce, lol). even if they like veggies, it's a way increase nutrition of things.

[LisaCA]

we serve entree and side dishes, dd can eat whatever of those, but nothing else. we then reheat if necessary. it also goes in the fridge so if she's hungry before bed she can have the leftovers, lol. she can just eat bread if she wants, or salad, or entree.

no war, just a line drawn in the sand, lol. but again, so far so good and she's a good eater.

and we haven't changed our diet much (other than eliminating the snack foods) because of dd. she eats what we eat, including my "cream of brussel sprout soup". she actually likes it now, he he he

and she likes dipping, so I put a salad with dressing and she'll dip almost anything in it (even if it's rather gross, lol. we just don't watch her eat- i take my glasses off so it's just blurred).

btw, if you want to sneak in the veggies, try using vegetable stock in mash potatoes, or pureeing carrots and what not and adding it to potatoes. Veggie patties for lunch or dinner work, or sneak veggies pureed in meatloaf etc. You can also hide veggies in pizza (pureed, spread on dough under tomato sauce, lol). even if they like veggies, it's a way increase nutrition of things.

oh and we have a family tradition of complaining about food...all the while stuffing it in our face . We expect dd to follow this multigenerational tradition.

[myforeverchild]

Thanks everyone

Maybe I am being too hard on him , my husband and I talked and have decided that if he doesn't eat too bad ...he'll wait till the next meal ...eventually he will eat something. I have tried sneaking things into the foods but he's got a nose or eyes whichever it be that will pick up everything. I have tried everything to get fruits and vegs into him , he just won't. My mom told me I never did neither and now I LOVE fruits and vegs . He is a big kid or average 8.5yrs old 64 pounds so he's growing that's not a concern. I guess my biggest thing is I would make him his "own" supper so he would eat , he is very hungary at supper just never likes what we eat. I have now decided that I souldn't have to make something different for him , that's where the battles have started , with me making him eat what everyone else eats , and like Jensboys said she will make something her son hates but makes him eat a "small" portion cause it's part of the family supper, that's how I feel as well .
Once again thanks everyone , i just get so sad when I need to enforce the supper issue , you have all made me feel better , i'm not alone I guess....Phew
By the way we had barbequed Hamburgers tonight and he had 2 ....obviously something he likes....
Jenn
Tried to attach a pic of the boy of topic , but not sure how to resize??