[MamaTo6]

Im having a rough night friends. My 35 year old sister who now weighs 67 pounds is dieing. She had cancer of the back of her tongue, actually her tongue part in the way down back of her throat. She thought she had a sore/infected throat. It was a very deadly cancer.

My sister has a 14 yr old son and a 10 yr old daughter as well as a 2 yr old boy. They do have a dad, thank God. Somebody to look after them wnen mommy is gone.

Thats not what this post is about.

Today, as selfish as this is...This post is about me!!

WhAT am I gonna do without Jodi? My baby sister!!!!!!! Why her???? Where is God??? Ive prayed and prayed and prayed..and still my sister gets no better. I want to believe in God, a Higher power....but **** it, Im not seeing Him right now. Im angry sad and pissed right off. Im soooooooooooo mad at God.

I know my sister is dieieng, Intellectully, I understand that she smoked and made this decision, but **** it she's sorry!!!! She still smokes......Why quit if she's only gonna die anyways? Good God the girl weighs 67 pounds!!!!! How much longer can her body go on?

Jodi takes walks everyday. She pushes her friends wheel chair to Timmys to get a coffee, even though Jodi hasnt swallowed in 7 months. The walk to Timmys is 7 blocks each way. Jodi longs for a McDonalds MigMac, THATS alll ahe talks about, but I cant give her even that. My sister cant eat. My sister cant swallow. My little sister is tube fed into her lower bowel, even then her body doesnt take food very well. My Jodi is a very sick baby sister.

*I dont really know why Im posting this.......maybe for people to understand how fragile life is, maybe so you, a sister, can make peace with a sister or brother, mother /father ,etc.....

Today it hit me!! Tomorrow it may hit you. I pray it doesn't..

Warm wishes.......MamaTo6

[cathy102]

I am so sorry about your sister.... I DO believe there is a God. She is making the choice to smoke, right? She should make the choice to try and live for her family and kids. But I have had family members that had lung cancer and still smoked...

Sorry I wasn't much help but wanted to post on your thread. Hope you will do ok through all this...

Prayers for your sister...

Take care...

[sugarbabysmommy]

I'm so sorry, I know what this feels like. Peace to you and to your sister.

[Tigger27]

I'm so sorry and hope and pray that you may have some peace and be alright.

I just found out today that my aunt's cancer is definitely going to end in death and sooner than we thought. She's had cancer for a while and been doing chemotherapy and treatments. She's now arrived at a point where they've decided the best thing is to stop treatments and they say she'll most likely only have 1-2 months left to live although no one knows for sure.

We've been hearing about my aunt regularly for the last while and it's been a rollercoaster. One time we hear of her she seems to be recovering and in remission and the next she's declining, but this time it's her liver malfunctioning due to the spread of her cancer and her body is beginning to show signs of slowly shutting down. She has told her children, who have told us that she feels ready to die and at peace now, but still it is a difficult thing to let her or any loved one go when they die.

I know that your sister's health declining and her dying is completely different than my aunt's, but I was simply trying to show that I do understand to an extent what you're feeling and trying to express.

You have every right to feel the way you do about your sister dying. Obviously, there's really nothing I can say or do that will make it better, if only it could be that easy at times. But just know, that you're not alone and I hope that you may find some peace through this.

My prayers are with you.

God Bless.

Anne

[bromanchik]

I am so sorry for your loss. No one ever talks about the anger loss brings. Rail on. This reeks no matter what way you look at it.....

[melon161]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I agree with Brenda, vent as much as you want. I can't imagine losing one of my sisters, I can't imagine how hard this is for you.

I know it's hard to have faith right now, but I think that God is with your sister, I think he's helping her push her friend's to Tim's. He's helping her make other people's lives worth waking up in the morning.

May God be with you!

Stacy

[MamaTo6]

Thanks friends... I knew I could vent here. This may not be about adoption, but you atleast let me be who I am and express how Im feeling TODAY. Every day is a new emotion when dealing with a loved ones upcoming death.

I recieved a P.M. asking me about Jodis cancer and what she has gone through. (thanks for asking P.M er) It's something that I need to talk about right now.

I am the oldest or four girls. Jodi is the youngest, born when I was 9. The two middle dtrs are extremely close and Jodi and I are extremely close, although we all get along and love each other dearly. (usually) No brothers unfortunately. Our only brother, a first born, died 3 months after birth, before any of us girls were even thought of.

Jodi was 33 when diagnosed with cancer. She had a sore throat during her last pg. She complained to her family physician many times. He looked, saw nothing and prescibed antibiotics. When baby was 5 months old, and Jodi still had a sore throat she took herself to ER. By now she couldnt swallow, it hurt so bad. The ER Dr. looked and saw nothing. Jodi started to cry and begged the Dr to look farther back in her throat. He did. Jodi says "the Er Dr.s face went white". The younge ER dr. then referred Jodi to Dr. Stan Jackson. We knew the name, as our father battled sinus cavity cancer, just 5 yrs before, and won.

It was a matter of weeks and Jodi was in the hospital, going through chemo and radiation. She struggled to live. Her weight dropped. She was so sick. She wanted to live for her babies. But the devil had her hooked on tobacco, and he wasn't letting go. She tried.

Her no good husband left her. He hooked up with a SW., he met online. He now lives in her house, with their kids and the Sw. (they had been legally seperated since she was 2 months pg.) Now Jodi was fighting foir her life and her husband and family.

Six weeks after she finished treatments, the Dr.s told Jodi that after all she had gone through, her cancer was still growing and strong. They needed to surgically remove the cancer. Jodi wrote letters to her kids. She had things to say. She wasn't done being a parent, a mommy. Jo didnt want the surgery, but she was told it was the only way she had a chance of living past the next 6 months. She had the surgery for her kids. She thought, as we all did, that in a few months after the surgery, that Jodi would be home looking after her kids eating a sunday roast beef dinner. We were wrong.



Its now been almost a year since surgery. Jodi lives in a long term care facility, she is the youngest patient by far. Its basically a very nice nurseing home for the aged and dieing. We cant look after Jodi at home with her medical needs. We have all taken turns trying, and came close to killing her in the mean time. She is on super strong meds, cant eat orally and is very weak. She is tube fed, takes her pain meds through I.V......and still smokes. Jodi cant swallow her own saliva. She will never swallow again. The tube feeds give her diareah that she has no control over so she wears adult diapers too.

Jo now weighs 67 pounds. She started at 105. Jodi doesnt have cancer anymore. Isnt that great?

Jodi is the light of everyones lives at the home. She wears leg braces,(bc her legs are weak and give out). She walks with a walker, unless she is pushing her friends in their wheelchairs, which is uaually the case. She still gets around, although nobody knows how. She smiles and is happy. She wishes she never had the surgery, but thats another story. Jodi knows she is dieing.

Her Oncologist told her this week ( I was there) that smoking caused this, but NOT smoking isnt going to help her now. Its too late for that. Jodi is going to die and there isnt anything anybody can do about it. She will probably have a heart attack and die, if she's lucky. Either that or her organs will slowly shut down, and she will slip into unconscienceness. Either way , its ugly.

Jodi is my best friend. She's my baby sister. I visit her 2x a week and bring her to our home atleast 1x a week. Jodi cant talk very well anymore. Her speech is slow and slurred. We talk on the phone atleast 3x a day. I often have to ask her to repeat herself, or tell the story with different words.

God forgive me, but there are days that I wish it was just over. There are even times that I dont answer her calls, and then lie later and say I as out. Im all Jodi has. I feel sooooo guilty but sometimes I need a break too.

Our mom passed away yrs ago. Our dad doesnt visit Jodi. Says he will "crack up" if he sees her. (another story) The other sisters say they are busy with kids/hubbys etc. They probably see Jodi once a month. Jodis husband is busy working and looking after 3 kids and his new sw girlfriend. They had been together 16 yrs.

Anyway, thats where its at. Thats Jodis story. Thanks for asking. Thanks for letting me get it out. No I mean really, Thank you fior letting me write this. I need this.

Warm wishes...MamaTo6

[sugarbabysmommy]

Originally Posted by MamaTo6

God forgive me, but there are days that I wish it was just over. There are even times that I dont answer her calls, and then lie later and say I as out. Im all Jodi has. I feel sooooo guilty but sometimes I need a break too.

Write all you want, say whatever you want. It's good to get it out, and it's good to be heard. Telling our stories is part of the grieving process. I know, I get it, I hear you and yes, this is important, this does matter. Such heart break. It's ok to take care of yourself, you may be all your sister has but you're also all that you have. I encourage you to seek out your local hospice and ask if they have a support group you can attend (I did and it has helped me so very much). Take care, and keep talking when you need to.

[tlc4kidz]

(((((MamaTo6)))))).......you have been a friend and a support to me so many times on the chat thread. I wish I could be there to give you a real hug. Hold that little man of yours close and come here to let it all out often. You and yours are in my prayers.

[lovemy6]

I'm sorry you're going through all of this. I worked as a hospice nurse for many years. People don't realize how much a person's disease affects the whole family. The family is in as much agony as the patient. I'm sorry for your whole family!

[Sunshine Mom]

Many thoughts and prayers are with you during this horrible time - for all of you.

I am so very sorry you are dealing with this.

I am sure her husband will have much guilt to face for his actions in the end.

[MamaTo6]

Thanks for all the prayers for Jodi and our family. Its a rough time, but Ive decided that if I dont take care of myself, then I cant help to take care of Jodi.

I'm feeling much better about the whole situation, today anyway. Everyday is different right now.

I have an 18 month old son whom we were blessed to get at birth from the foster system. We are our sons pre adopt home (tpr was done last May) and hope to be finished with our adoption in the early summer. I know there is a God....but my faith was a little shook up with Jodis illness. Thanks for the support to get me back on track. I truly appreciate you all running to my side when I needed you the most. Thank you to each of you. Hugs.

Warm wishes...MamaTo6

[MamaTo6]

We went to a meeting today. Jodi's kidneys and liver are shutting down. She has been getting steadily weaker this past 2 weeks.

But, she went to the pumpkin patch with her kids last week. She even got out of the car and helped her youngest pick his pumpkin. On Halloween eve she slept for 12 hours BEFORE taking her kids to a few houses. When she got back, she slept for 24 hours.

She weighs 61 pounds now and cant eat at all anymore. She has a pic line to nourish her but its just not enough to sustain life for her.

Jodi knows she is dieing. She just doesnt know how soon. She is being told tomorrow. I will be the only family member there with her...its too hard for everybody else. (sarcasm)

I need prayers for her kids, and for our family.

[sugarbabysmommy]

I'm sorry. Peace and strength to you all.

[flowergoddess]

I can't say that I know what you're going through, but I am praying for peace and comfort to you and your family.

Hugs to you,
Lori