[FL_GirlByProxy]

Carol, that is an awesome part of your life that really helps us think about what we've been discussing here. I always struggled with this, in my heart. I couldn't explain this to everyone on the spot that I met, especially when Eric and Kristen were very young, and didn't know about Jim yet. So I would answer about Eric and Kristen, never naming a number, instead describing them (i.e. Eric age xx and Kristen age x). And I'd say a quick little silent prayer for Jim right after my answer as to how many children I have. It felt like a way out of a trap that I found myself in, torn between not wanting to explain everything to everyone, and not wanting to dishonor Jim's existence. It worked for me.

Chrissy!!! ~ What is the tattoo of? And where is it?

I'm still trying to figure out what I'd like for a tattoo and where. At first, I thought a very small cross on my upper arm, but now I am rethinking that. I wonder how long it's going to take me to figure this out!!!

Hi Everybody! Happy almost Monday!!

[tricia3]

Hope everybody had a good weekend.

Katnap ~ pizza and ceasar salad....in our house that's fine dining.

Chrissy ~ Do tell...what tat did you get?

[GE_Glows]

C'Mon Chrissy! Tell us!!!!!!

Gayle

[Linnie65]

Originally Posted by GE_Glows

C'Mon Chrissy! Tell us!!!!!!

Gayle

I'm waiting for the PICTURE too!

[GE_Glows]

Ok - Busted - I'll try to post it tonight - and if I can't - I'll e-mail it to Mary - who seems to be the picture guru

Gayle

[shirleyville]

Happy Monday!
So, Chrissy -- come out with it, already!! What is it, and where is it???
I've enjoyed reading the posts about "how many kids do you have?" I know Mary Ellen says "three"....since no one knows about me -- and even if they did, I am sure it would still be "three". I don't feel that she has ever considered me one of her children, and I really wouldn't expect her to, given her situation.
I was raised as an only child, and have always answered the question about "do you have sisters and brothers?" with, "no -- none that I know of, anyway! " Now that I know, I do "claim" them when asked. I say, "Well, I have a sister and two brothers, but we weren't raised together." I've never had anyone ask me to elaborate, and I've never felt that anyone required more. I guess in today's society, it's so common to have blended families and families that were raised in different households, that everyone just accepts it. Of course all my close friends know the rest of the story. ;0)
I've also been known to "claim" my neices and nephews, even tho I know I will never meet them.....they are still my neices and nephews.
As most of you know, I've always felt I have two moms....one who brought me here, and one who took me the rest of the way. I've never had a reason to tell anyone that, in the "outside world", but if I encountered a situation where someone asked me, I wouldn't hesitate to tell them....
We were having a conversation with Shaela the other day.....she has two step brothers from her a-dad's first marriage, who are both in their 20's --- one who is married and dotes upon her like she's "it" , and one who is a singer in a rock band, and has no idea she's even alive, if you know what I mean! She also has a birth sister, who is four years older than she is, that she is aware of, but will likely never meet. She asked me who my sisters and brothers were, and I said, "Debbie, Calvin and Aaron.....the grew up with my birthmom, and I have never met them." She said, "just like Vicki?" (her birth sister) and I said, "yes, just like Vicki." She thought it was cool that we both had siblings we'd never met.
I guess it's all in how you present things......most of her friends come from blended families, so it's normal to her. She has friends who are African American, and have Caucasian parents.....she has a friend who has two mommies and no daddy......she has a friend who has one daddy and no mommy......friends with siblings who live with another parent and not with them....a friend whose father lives clear across the country.......to her, families all just "come that way". There isn't some "set" way for families to be. The "Nuclear Family" doesn't exist in her world....and seemingly, not in the world of her generation. She's growing up in a world where there are far fewer prejudices -- and things that seem so complicated to us, is of no significance to her, or her peers.
Very thought provoking.....
Hugs,
Sally

[InionGrinn]

Heee heee! I have been meaning to get dh to upload a pic of it so I can post it.

It's a celtic knot with a dragon head on it. It is green, with blue purple & yellow.

It's on my back - the upper part of my back between my shoulderblades. With my hair up and a regular shirt on the dragon head peeks out the top of the shirt.

I am trying my darndest to copy a pic of the print into this post but don't know how.....arrgh!:[img]/images/smilies/confused.gif[/img]

[julie23]

hi guys...

congrats on the new tat.... sound cool!!

well... i posted a picture of torii and I on the photo album link.... I always enjoy seeing what you guys look like... I thought you might enjoy a picture of me... I will tell you though... my hair is redder than it looks in the picture!!!! I was pregnant with nicholas in the photo.. and pretty big... that weight is coming off... slowly but surely.... DDR is a huge help!!!!

have a great evening!
julie

[lyndalou]

Hi All, Chrissy, I couldn't open your photo, I'll try again. Julie, I love all your photos! The new one of you & Torii is so nice. That Photo album is a great thing to have so we can "see" each other!

[skinnylou]

Julie-How beautiful you are!!! Weight what weight?

Chrissy~couldn't get a peek either!

[l-thompson]

Chrissy - you are sooo brave!!! That tatoo sounds pretty awesome my friend I had a giggle when I read that hubby had to have another one too ...anything you can do, I can do better...what a man!! Can't wait to see it...I hope you manage to figure out how to post the pic onto the forum so we can all see.

Julie - what a beautiful pic of you and Torii...I think all your pics are gorgeous.

Reading about how many children do you have and how you answer the question has been interesting. Reversing the question the other way now...when I am asked how many siblings I have, I now say three brothers and two sisters. People that don't know my story look incredulous and say wow! your parents were busy weren't they Sometime I go on to explain a bit further...I especially like saying my two sisters are the same age.....wow! like you have twin sisters?? Like, no, one was born in May 1969 and the other one in August 1969......you should see their faces then Its all good fun and a light hearted way of bringing up adoption and subsequent reunion. I have had some fun I can tell you

Hope you are all having great weeks. The days are getting decidedly cooler here in NZ.....which is not so great for me, but great news for all of you on your side of the world. Our sure indicator in this house that the nights are getting crisp are our two cats, who are now spending more and more time indoors come evening time. Riley, who had major surgery last year after he was hit by a car, comes inside really early now.....I wonder if the pins in his leg get cold now its colder outside??? Mmmmm...might have to ask that vet that one.

Catch you all later!!!
Linz

[tricia3]

Linz - Vet School dropout here....it's not likely that the pins are getting cold. My guess would be that it is arthritis setting in and cold air does affect their joints just like it does us 2 leggeds.

How many children..........well I'm sure my bmom would never fess up to having 2 she didn't raise. My brother and I are still her "dirty little secrets". I'll never walk in her house and see my baby picture hanging on the wall. The only people she told was her kids and husband and that took 2 years. To others, I'm the friend that looks just like her.
I know that she is not ashamed of me, but ashamed of herself and she is only trying to protect her image.

How many siblings.........12 in all, and I claim every single one of them.

Sometimes when people call my house, they will mistake me for one of my children. They ask to speak to my mom and I just ask them which one. They never know what to say to that...but I always get a chuckle from it.

Chistina ~ forgot about the whole blood pressure thing...and the noise can get very irritating. My best friend's husband passed out during his tat......now I know why we woman are the ones that give birth.

[julie23]

Good morning!!

I have another thought provoking topic for conservation... if you don't mind, Sally!!!

Genetics vs. Environment has been on my mind lately. I have always gotten the impression from my daughters adoptive parents that the struggles my daughter faced in her life were due to genetics. "It's just the way she was born!"

Now.... to be quite honest with you... I find that a wee bit frustrating... for a couple reasons.... 1. I think I have pretty darn good genetic material.... 2. I think genetic material is only the STARTING point...

Sally and dl have spoken of birth siblings that carry the same genetic material but turned out totally differently than they did...

the adolescent I am raising is not struggling with the same issues that the one I relinquished did... and they have half the same genetic material!!!

I REFUSE to believe that I am destined to be my mother because I have her genetic material.

I REFUSE to believe that any of the daughters I am raising will follow my path because they have my genetic material....

I REFUSE to believe that drunkness, smoking, promiscuity, suicidal tendencies... etc. etc. are genetic.

Yes.... there is a gene for alcoholism.... yes, mental illness can run in families....

but don't we have SOME say in how our kids turn out??? isn't blaming it all genetics not taking responsibility for our parenting.

The oldest daughter that I am raising has issues.... her bio father and I split up when she was 1 and a half... He has totally emotionally abandoned her... and YES... she has some deep pain because of it.... and I have to take responsibility for MY part in it.... and the fact that I contributed to her pain.... It is NOT her genetic make up that has caused her to "act out"... but rather her immature attempt to "get the pain out"... as I like to say.

From what I have read, some of the ways my relinquished daughter acted out ... and truthfully, I only know a thumbnail sketch... the aparents shared very little... but my understanding is those things are caused by trauma.... physical or sexual abuse... versus... genetics....

I LOVE this relinquished child so much that it hurts.... I have plenty of regrets.... I have plenty of guilt....(I know... I know.... i don't need to do that to myself)... but as you birth mothers know... I LOVE her...

Sometimes, no matter what she says, I just think she (relinquished daughter) is in so much pain.... and I don't know why... and she doesn't tell me about it... and I wonder if she even knows it's there....

just mulling things over again...

thanks for listening...

julie

[tigger4jdt]

Well, Julie, in the last 3 weeks, I have had proof that it's probably about 50-50 for the affects of genetic or environment. "C" has done MANY of the things that I did while growing up. As to her likes and dis-likes, some of them are exactly like mine, others are actually like my DS. It's hard to know all of them, and her mannerisms(sp) and such until we can meet face to face, but I'm sure, just from the emails, down to the style of her writing them, many things will continue to be eeriely similar. Of course, much of the similarities with all 4 kids is due to the shared, 100%, genetics. I do know that she is happy with her life, but also happy that we are in contact.

My actual thoughts on which has more effect, well I believe that your environment can make or break you. It all depends on your personality. I know that when I was growing up, I was lucky to have a happy home, cause otherwise, I would have been one that you read about or hear about on the news with getting into trouble. Yes, I acted out, otherwise I wouldn't be on this forum. But, I had understanding, but firm parents(if that makes sense)

I hate thinking this much this early in the morning! Hope you can understand what my views on it are. Hope every one has a wonderful day!

[julie23]

yes... I see what you mean, Tigger... I think I am pushing past "similarites"... I have kind of felt that her adoptive parents credit genetics for any negative choices she has made.... and credit their upbringing for all the positive in her life?? Does that make sense?

It's a tough one isn't it??

It may be that I have more of an issue with the way the aparents treated genetics... rather than whether or not genetics OR environment is responsible... does that make sense?

I am VERY careful to always speak highly of my daughters bio father (the daughter I am raising)... I do my best to talk about personality characteristics that he has that are positive.... and CHOICES that he has made that are negative... I just see that there is a total difference and I DO NOT want her to grow up thinking she has bad genetic material...

She just told me yesterday that she got her brains from me because her dad is stupid. And I corrected her... and I told her he is not stupid... he is a smart guy... he has just made some bad choices....because of his upbringing... and of course, I tell her how lucky she is to have me for a mother....

(But he REALLY DID knock her IQ down a few notches... LOL.... so she is just gifted... in the top 98% range instead of the 99% range....)

thanks...
julie