[StephF]

I am struggling to figure out how to decide if an agency is "good". I have no idea what is too much to spend or if they will do what they promise. I have one good referral for Great Wall...I was looking at International Child as well. Anyone have an experience with these agencies or can make some recommendations?

For reference, we are looking to adopt a nonspecial needs child. We have not had a home study yet, we are just trying to chose a place to start the process with. Thank you so much.

[StephF]

If anyone is reading this, any feedback on how to pick an agency would be helpful as well! There are a lot out there, so any guidelines, advice, ect would be great. I am realizing you must PM to get actual agency information...this would be so helpful too.

[mommytoEli]

if you are willing to wait 6-10 years for an adoption, then the non-special needs route may be for you. lol. otherwise...i strongly suggest you consider the SN program, or another country. maybe not what you wanted to hear. but families currently receiving NSN referrals have waited about 6 years i think. the wait is not growing shorter, because even though attrition and new rules have caused less people to be in line every year...it sure seems like China is referring fewer children.

the one encouragement i can offer about the SN program is that there are many amazing children with very minor needs. i know a few people who have recently adopted young children (home at age 1) with minor needs. in considering agencies, i would strongly suggest you ask for access to their special needs list, as well as ask if they have the shared list posted online so you can see what types of needs are currently listed. if you decide to go the SN route, ask how long it takes to receive a referral....if they say 12-18 months then RUN! lol. there are many good agencies out there with no waiting list for the SN program.

if you have read this far, and are not ready to give up, lol......then you may PM me for an agency recommendation. we had one mishap during travel i am not thrilled about, but overall our experience was AMAZING and they did make restitution to us for the problem we did face. our daughter is perhaps one of the most amazing people i have ever met in my life...and she is only 2. lol. i am glad i took the SN route, because it led me to her.

[StephF]

Thank you so much. Thankfully, one of the agencies informed me prior to submitting an application that the wait time is not 4 or 5 or even 6 years...it is looking closer to a decade. Im not willing to wait that long. We are now looking into S. Korea. Sadly, my husband and I have been married only 2 years in April, we were told we must be married 3. We are looking at reviewing where this program is at in November and then begining the process. The agency in our state informed us the wait after paperwork is received by Korea is 12-15 months, which is a time we can both live with.

We are first time parents and I cant lie...I just dont think we are in a place to accept a special needs kid. We have looked at the waiting child lists and I cant make much sense of who is low needs, who is high...we both feel that a special needs kid could be in our future, but maybe after we establish ourselves as parents to begin with. Though, if S.Korea doesn't work out we may revisit this option. It has already been a frustrating process and we have not even really gotten started...haha. But I am hopeful that in our future, our son or daughter awaits us. I figure as long as we are moving ahead and looking at our options, something will give and we will end up with our child.

[mommytoEli]

It is okay to know your limits. It is okay to not think you are ready or able to parent a child with special needs. Please just know that there are kids with minor correctable needs- like hernias....that other countries wouldn't even consider a SN....it is a simple surgery with no life long ramifications once corrected. In the end, our dd's only SNs were this, and she has a misshapen head from spending too much time on her back as an infant. She is perfect in every other way.

If you ever want to read more about SN and the types of children that are coming home in that program, pop over to chinaadopttalk.com. It is a very active forum full of helpful parents. (Adoption.com is amazing too....there are just not many active China APs here.)

[StephF]

Thanks for the affirmation. I feel bad saying I am scared of special needs. I joined a yahoo group with the sn lists....i felt so lost. We would be willing to take a kiddo with a minor, correctable need but it was so hard to tell who was what or how bad things were. We want to make sure we are providig the best home for our future child. Are agencies receptive to requests for very low sn babies/kids? How much info do you get before deciding?

[mommytoEli]

you are allowed to know your limits. i have some, too. there are a few needs i wouldn't choose....but i have also learned that if they came up i would be okay. in this last adoption journey of ours i also learned there are lots of needs i am open to that i didn't realize i was. lol. i am done....but if i were to adopt again my choice would be albinism. it isn't something i thought i would have chosen before.....but i have learned so much on forums and blogs i have realized that for me this would have been a relatively "easy" need for our family. but every family is different. that's ok.

just to be realistic.....please know there are many people who want young children with minor needs, so you may not be matched right away....but there are many agencies with little or no waiting list and so they may be able to match you in a few months(then depending on where you are in the paperwork it is another 4-12ish months before you travel...for us it was 7). there are larger agencies with longer lists that may tell you it will take 18 or more months for a referral. you have to do your research. if you talk with an agency that is not receptive to your level of parenting comfort.....call another.

you will also need a good social worker who can help mold your expectations and make homecoming easier. even relatively healthy children will have more needs than typical children their age as they deal with the grief process due to the loss of caregiver, environment, friends, language, etc. our dd was in an orphanage and so she has her own set of issues just from living in an institution.

a good international adoption doctor can also help you sort through the medical checklist, answer questions about SN, orphanage behavior, and bonding. when the time comes to review a file, they can give you the worst case scenario and try to help you understand what your child will be up against. they can also help you to ask for more information to make informed decisions. this may include pictures, videos, or additional tests.

our daughter's file was very thorough. in the end, it was also very wrong. lol. that is another story. when our doctor asked for additional tests after the conflicting update, we received more information that confirmed her file was not accurate. we didn't know what to expect really....but we were comfortable with that. it sounds like most people have accurate files and accurate updates though so while not unheard of, inaccuracies don't sound like the norm.

good luck on your journey. please feel free to pm me or post again if you have any more questions.

Originally Posted by StephF

Thanks for the affirmation. I feel bad saying I am scared of special needs. I joined a yahoo group with the sn lists....i felt so lost. We would be willing to take a kiddo with a minor, correctable need but it was so hard to tell who was what or how bad things were. We want to make sure we are providig the best home for our future child. Are agencies receptive to requests for very low sn babies/kids? How much info do you get before deciding?

[richard p.]

Hi. Another option is an older child. Some children are perfectly healthy but older (I beleive over 6). Good luck.

[MommaT357]

I'm also trying to choose an agency, I found this online...

http://www.china-adoption-online.com...etail_2011.pdf

maybe that will help?

Good luck!