[john1290]

My wife and I watched a show recently that talked about how LOTS of parents in China kill their new born babies if they are born a girl. This made us want to vomit. We have a child and would like more and thought about adopting some of these "unwanted" baby girls from China but when we looked into it, WOW, I can't believe how expensive it is. Adoption in general is more expensive than I think it should be. On one hand you have people who don't want their children and on the other hand, you have armies of people that want to adopt children but don't have $25,000 to spend on saving children from death or a miserable life. I have read and read and read some more about why adoption is so expensive but I say BS! People just want to make lots of money off other humans which is horrible.

Guess I just needed to vent some steam after watching that documentary. Would it be cheaper for us to fly to China and do some leg work ourselves and visit some orphanages?

[Lissa]

My wife and I watched a show recently that talked about how LOTS of parents in China kill their new born babies if they are born a girl.

I don't know what show you watched, but this really is an outdated stereotype. While certainly infanticide occurs in China (as it does here in the USA) it would be incorrect to assume this is happening a lot. The Chinese government is going to great lengths to promote the idea that baby girls are as valuable as baby boys and those girls who are abandoned are (more and more) being adopted domestically. As adoption (once thought of being taboo) is also being encouraged.

We have a child and would like more and thought about adopting some of these "unwanted" baby girls from China but when we looked into it, WOW, I can't believe how expensive it is. Adoption in general is more expensive than I think it should be.

Very little of the $25,000 you mention actually goes to the agency. Most of the money comes from having paperwork processed, travel fees, etc. I agree, adoption is expensive and therefore many good people who would make wonderful parents are unable to adopt a child...but the fees are there for a reason and are necessary. (And actually on the contrary many airlines offer adoption discounts etc. so many do what they can--including the government through the adoption tax credit--to try to alleviate the high expense.)

On one hand you have people who don't want their children

Not wanting a child and not being able to raise a child are two totally different things. My daughter was left in an area that was incredibly poor. Those who had incomes were only making a few hundred dollars [u]a year[u] so to say these children are unwanted is unfair. I'm sure some were, but most were dealing with a kind of povery we can't understand. The Chinese on the whole love children and dote on them.

Would it be cheaper for us to fly to China and do some leg work ourselves and visit some orphanages?
If you are talking about going strictly to do humanitarian work, this is admirable...but to adopt no. It's not legal to adopt internationally in this manner. It's a lot of legwork and paperwork when you are dealing with two governments laws and customs and both must be abided.

As for adopting in general, adopt because you want another child, not because you want to save a child. The child will resent this and possibly suffer for it.

[KarenInCa]

I agree with all that Lissa said.
When we first thought about adopting from China, we assumed we could contact a doctor in China, perhaps, to adopt a baby, but we soon found out that there is a certain protocol and you can't go around it. There are very strict guidelines. These guidelines are in place to keep corruption down.

You have to remember also, for centuries, families in China have been dependent on having an son. It's been their source of social security as they get older. Traditionally, the parents of the man in the marriage move in with his family, and help to raise the children. Without a son, as people got older, they had no-one to take care of them. This is becoming less and less true in China, but when you have a cultural tradition for centuries, it takes a while to change ways, especially since it used to mean survival in old age.

One should not assume that these children are unwanted. There are many factors that go in to the whole. To help curb over population, China has a one child policy. This might not be something that everyone agrees with but it is what it is. It's probably hardest for the Chinese to accept than anyone else. There are many reasons for children being placed in orphanages, most of them are centered around the one child policy. If a family already has a child-either boy or girl, and decides to keep a second child, they have to pay a very high government fee. There are many families that work off the government fee, but some cannot see the ability to pay the fee, so they release the child. Or, the child might be born out of wedlock which is looked at much differently than in western cultures. Or the child might be the first born, and pressure put on the birth mother (or birth parents) to leave the girl so they can try to have a boy. This could very possibly the hardest decision for the birth parents to make. Assuming the child is unwanted is a very huge assumption.

I agree that it's expensive to adopt internationally. However, the money you mention is on the high side. For both international adoption and domestic adoption, there's also a $11,000 tax credit after the adoption, and many employers give a generous $2,000 to upwards of $8,000 for adoption reimbursements to help cover the costs.
Lastly, keep in mind that although we can easily see it as "saving" a child, these children could grow up in the orphanage, and not really know what they've missed. Our daughter was in a program called Half the Sky, and her nanny was very good to her in the orphanage. She was like a mother figure. If she would have stayed in the orphanage, Half the Sky would have put her thru school and prepared her for adulthood.
If one of your goals is to really help a child, please contact Half the Sky. This organization really does work. When we received our daughter, we also received monthly pictures of her since she was 4 days old, and a monthly journal from her nanny....priceless stuff! We were also able to personally thank the man via email exchanges, who specifically sponsored our daughter. We now pay it forward and sponsor a little boy for $25 a month, and it helps pay for personalized care from his nanny and will eventually pay toward school costs for this child. We get quarterly updates about him. We feel like we're making a difference remotely to this one child. It's worth every cent.

[STEPHANIE1975]

Ditto, if you truly want a child to adopt from anywhere you can find the money. Plus a child in a warm loving home will never have a cost to it. IF you truly want a child you will find he means. We are in the process of getting our second. One from Gutemala and one from China. I hope money will not let you decide on a child let your heart be the judge.

[pgruodis]

If it "Doesn't make sense" to you... then don't do it.
Problem => Solution.

[SofiasMom]

There are many ways to "save" a child. Adoption isn't necessarily the best way.

The problem with saving the world's 'orphans' - The Boston Globe

[KarenInCa]

I agree. In fact, I would argue that someone is not saving a child at all by adopting a child. There are many layers to adoption, and sometimes children feel more "ripped off" by being adopted than if they would have been left alone.
For adoption to be a positive experience, it has to be about creating a bond, and extending families.
What are you saving a child from, when adopting her/him? Our daughter knew her nanny as her mother. She knew her playmates as her brothers and sisters. If she would have stayed in China, she would have known China as her country. We removed her from this situation, we did not save her from it. She will NEVER again see her nanny, nor her playmates. And when we return to China, she will be an outsider. Hopefully, we helped create a setting in which she will flurish greater with the ability to show her potential more than if she were still in China. But in a way, what happened to her by way of adoption was a loss as well.