[specialk4b]

How important is it for our adopted Chinese children to play with other Chinese children?

Is it important that they play with children adopted from China? What about other children adopted from Asia? Other countries/regions?

Should you try to include Asian children being raised by their natural parents? How about children adopted domestically?

I know that not everyone lives in a region where this is possible, but if it were would you do it? How far would you drive to make it happen?

[KarenInCa]

We don't push any friends on our daughter. That said, we live in an area that has a lot of Chinese Americans. Cady has a few really good friends that are Chinese American. I think at this age, (toddler 1-5 yrs old), establishing friendships is more important than the ethnicity of my child's friend. Building a foundation of trust and affection of other children her age is much more important for her to understand.

At this age, the fact that the children are Chinese, half Chinese, adopted, adopted from China....is more important to the parent than the child.

Children our childs age, care more about "who has the cool toy, and how do I control my urges to take it? And what is the effect of my grabbing it? And who understands my jokes? And if I lead, will you follow?"

I really don't think my daughter understands color or race yet. She does understand when a child is selfish or mean or pushy though, and at 4 yrs old this month, she knows she does not like certain kids as much as she likes others.

However, I think as she becomes a teenager, it will be important that she finds her own connections with Asians or adopted children or adopted Asian children when she can understand that other children like her might have similar experiences, both positive and negative. It would make for an easier transition into adulthood for her to have these friendship connections.

[MissyAmomChina]

Hi,

We live in an area with a lot of families with children adopted from Asia. So, the FCC is an easy resource to access and an easy decision to participate. The oldest girls in the group, 12-15, seem to have a special bond and I want my children to have that availble. One challenge I now face is that I'm a mother to a son and FCC activities tend to be so girl centered that I can't visualize a teenage boy participating. But, who knows, maybe the group dynamics will change by then as well. Maybe I'll have to be the catalyst for some of that change.

On a personal level, we hope to move to a larger house in a few years. We may opt to move to the one district in our area that has a high Asian American population (30% vs 3%). Not everyone in the adoption community would agree that this is important (and that's ok). We feel that if given the choice, more diversity is better.

[prechrswife]

We just got home from a play date with 2 other families with children adopted from China. In fact, our bio younger daughter was the only non-Chinese child in the group, which may present its own set of challenges in a few years, but for now she is so young, it is not an issue. I do think it is important for our daughters to see other families like ours, as well as children from other family backgrounds. Our unofficial local FCC group includes one family with a Chinese mom and British dad and their 2 biological daughters. Thankfully, we have a good number of families in this area, so driving is not really an issue. We also have friends in dh's hometown with Chinese children, so our girls will always have some exposure to other adoptive families, if nothing else, through our friendships with other parents.

[copper653]

I think diversity is good no matter what, but I agree with KareninCa that it'll probably be more of a concern when they are older than when they are toddlers.

[KDhappygal]

I also with KareninCA.

We do live in a hugely diverse area so if and when it becomes more important for my girls, they will have no problem befriending ethnically similar kids.

[specialk4b]

We have a pretty large community of families who've adopted from China and some who've adopted from other countries. We get together with the whole group once a month and have play dates every so often. I want my son to grow up seeing other families that look like ours.

We also have play dates with kids from preschool or church.