[ashmilf]

My husband and I have been reading a lot of adoption books (surprise surprise) and we have noticed a trend that the books seem to revolve around the mother's perspective/bonding experience. Any suggestions on a good read that will give my hubby some insight?

[KarenInCa]

Good question. I don't know of any books from the father's perspective. But I can tell you a little about our experience.
I feel very fortunate because DH is the one that wanted to adopt first, then approached me with the idea. IMO, most men don't fret over the little things that tend to be important to us. He didn't pay attention to the clothes I was buying or the toys I was getting. But when we adopted her, he appreciated it.
For him, it was the "here and now" that effected him more. The closer we got to adoption day, and the more he prepared things like the crib, the more anxious he became (after referral and before traveling). The night before we received her, he was the most anxious and wrote her a letter on our blog that was so precious. The day we adopted her, he wanted time to watch her on the bed, playing. He wanted to see what she could do, and expressed pride in her little accomplishments. He wanted to expand her knowledge and abilities. But before we got the referral he was much more distant than I was, even though he was the one that initiated the idea of adoption.

[KarynB]

I'm not sure about books, but I've been to a few adoption conferences now that have sessions that focus specifically on the male perspective...my DH went to one after we had adopted our first but before our second and he really appreciated hearing a male perspective...maybe you could attend a conference in your area?

[mom3boys]

I read a book recently that was about Chinese adoption from the Dad's perspective. Of course I can't remember it now, but it's something like China ghosts. I know those two words are in the title, but can't remember the exact title. It was an interesting story of the family's process through two adoptions from China.

[Trace7]

Originally Posted by mom3boys

I read a book recently that was about Chinese adoption from the Dad's perspective. Of course I can't remember it now, but it's something like China ghosts. I know those two words are in the title, but can't remember the exact title. It was an interesting story of the family's process through two adoptions from China.

Yep - China Ghosts by Jeff Gammage. I just read it, and loved it - it made me think a lot about things that I hadn't thought about before regarding our DD's past.

[FatherOfOne]

I dont know a book, but I can answer anything you may want to know from a dad perspective.

[ashmilf]

Originally Posted by Trace7

Yep - China Ghosts by Jeff Gammage. I just read it, and loved it - it made me think a lot about things that I hadn't thought about before regarding our DD's past.

We found it and ordered it off amazon last night. My husband is really excited about reading it. Thank you so much!

[ashmilf]

Originally Posted by FatherOfOne

I dont know a book, but I can answer anything you may want to know from a dad perspective.

Thank you! I will let my husband know. You may be getting a PM real soon.

[PiperH]

Originally Posted by Trace7

Yep - China Ghosts by Jeff Gammage. I just read it, and loved it - it made me think a lot about things that I hadn't thought about before regarding our DD's past.

I agree totally. It was a great book, very thought-provoking. It also was good to hear about China adoption from a man's perspective.

Kevin

[hml1976]

Here's a great article too:

Adoption - Adoptive Families

[PiperH]

Originally Posted by hml1976

Here's a great article too:

Adoption - Adoptive Families

Thanks for the link. It has some similarities to our lives. My wife and I are both journalists, too. And, we will be going to Xian in October to get our son.

Of course, the similarities end there. I wasn't against adopting (although I will admit to not being sold on China early on when we briefly discussed it.). We went through all the medical stuff, looked into domestic private adoption and tried to adopt the state adoption program — all of which got us nowhere. Then, we went to a seminar about China adoption and we both knew it was right for us. Since then, we've both been totally into this and can't wait for October to get here.

Kevin

[richard p.]

Here are a few more, not many compared to the dozens of books out there. I wonder why? He is more than welcome to p.m. me as well.

1) Melanie and Me, by Terry Garlock
2) Nanchang Diary, by Carmelo Tartivita
3) China Girl: One Man's Story, by David Bemers

[ashmilf]

Thank you so much. I have written them down and I will pass them on to my husband tonight. He will be so glad to have a few books to read.