[Karen in MT]

Lissa,
I think I understand some of your changes in feelings. I have even went through that and we don't even have our 1st adoption completed yet. We did however consider a concurrent adoption. Some days I struggle with things and other days I'm okay again. Decisions of this nature are hard. You might want to spend time listing some of the reasons you feel one way or the other then you might be better prepared to discuss the issues with your DH. I agree it is hard to have a choice taken from you, too! We too could not do another with China. I know that if we ever get to complete the first, I will have some grief about not even having the choice for a 2nd with China.

[Trace7]

Originally Posted by copper653

I hope you didn't take that the wrong way. I don't want a spoiled kid, but there are ways of spoiling them that you might not be able to do with multiple kids. I am an only also and don't think I was spoiled with things, but I got to go to Europe when only the rich kids could go with the language classes... twice. My parents were able to pay for my college education and they were still able to retire early.

I guess I want to spoil her and ourselves once she has gone off to college. Ugh, I can't believe I just wrote those words. Can I freeze time?

Nope - not taken wrong at all I knew what you meant. That said, if it were just me and Charlotte - I think she would be spoiled rotten for sure - LOL. But DH helps me keep a handle on that, luckily We aren't wealthy by any means, so we won't be able to spoil her with monetary things all that much other than the fact that she will be our only - so we will do what we can, but I spoil her too much with giving her what she wants when she wants it (like being picked up when she whines, etc.), but I am getting better about it.

I know - I already get sad when thinking of her going away to college.

[sunshyne68ny]

I've been thinking along these lines myself for a while now. It's so hard to have the choice taken from you. Initially we had rushed to meet the deadline since we wouldn't qualify due to BMI. But I always kind of thought in the back of my mind that we would be able to reduce the BMI in order to qualify to go back for a second child from China, and I already managed to get under the BMI, but DH is still working on it (totally possible now with the long wait). But then I started hearing here and there that we wouldn't qualify again if DH is diabetic. He's actually boarderline and almost off his meds, but I think there can't be a "history" of diabetes, so we're out again, although we were probably out from the beginning and I was just in denial or wishfully thinking it would be possible.

Right now, I'm trying not to think about a second child, especially since we don't have the first one yet. But the options are slowly slipping away.

[mom2zachy]

Well, we adopted from Guatemala, not China, but nobody seems to know for sure exactly what is going on with adoptions in Guatemala.

For all I know, we wouldn't be eligible again if regs change. I fluctuate, as do many, with "I want him to have a sibling from Guatemala so that they can share their feelings about adoption, being Hispanic in a Caucasian family, etc". But then I think "Well, geez, they might not even HAVE the same feelings". And on and on and back and forth I go.

It's quite the roller coaster ride, no?

[mdaisyq]

When we adopted our son from Korea, we just squeaked in under the age limits (my husband's age.) Note: the minimum age for China back then was 35, and I was too young.

We knew we could not adopt from Korea again.

We did not even consider adopting again until we took our son to a local fair and watched him ride around on a little train ride. He looked so lonely sitting in the engine all by himself. It was at that moment that we decided to adopt again and fortunately, China had just relaxed the one child only policy for IA - previously you could adopt a 2nd child from China, but only if that adopted child was SN.

Only you and you husband can decide when it is right, if you do. If you don't adopt again, it is okay to feel sad - I know I do, sometimes, whenever I pack up the too-small clothes and donate them to a charity, rather than save them for a younger sibling-to-be.

Melissa
Mom to 4 from Korea and China

[Wendyloo]

We adopted our son from Guatemala. We are so blessed to have him home. I was not under the BMI for China, when we applied for the program, which we did before we went through the process to bring Conner home. I am now 100 pounds lighter than I was when we started either adoption, but I am still fearful that I will develop some medical condition that will derail our /china adoption. 'does anyone else have this worry?
Wendy

[Wendyloo]

We adopted our son from Guatemala. We are so blessed to have him home. I was not under the BMI for China, when we applied for the program, which we did before we went through the process to bring Conner home. I am now 100 pounds lighter than I was when we started either adoption, but I am still fearful that I will develop some medical condition that will derail our /china adoption. 'does anyone else have this worry?
Wendy