[KarenInCa]

Usually when I tell people that we adopted from China, I get strange questions, like, "Does she speak with an accent?" Or "Does she speak English?" Once I advise them that she was really a baby when we adopted her, they understand that her English words are the same as any other child her age.

The other day at work, a coworker asked me about the day we adopted our daughter (now 3.5 yrs old). Then she asked, "So, are you letting her learn Chinese?" The question threw me back a bit. I felt defensive about our situation. I understand the importance of preserving her cultural heritage, but my first thought was....."Why is THAT any of YOUR business?" My defenses came down quickly because I realized her thought process was in the right place, anyway.

I've heard pros and cons about adopted children learning Chinese. The pros are obviously that the child will hopefully feel more connected to their cultural heritage. The cons are that the child might feel less connected to their a-parents, because we are obviously not Chinese, and we do not speek Chinese in the household. So, this could add a sense of separation between us and our daughters, unless of course, we participate.

When I told her that we are not taking her to Chinese language classes, my coworker said some things that were meant to make me feel guilty. I didn't feel guilty, because I know my daughter is being raised with love and appreciation for China.

My coworker is AA and obviously was thinking in ways of an AA child being raised by CC parents. But to extend that further, if my coworker were to adopt a baby from Africa, or Haiti or Ethiopia, would she then consider extensive and years of language lessons for her adopted child in African, Haitian or Ethiopian languages? I don't know the answer to that, but I did wonder if that would be her own personal prerequisite to IA from these countries, or if she would assimilate the child into AA culture, which really is not the same. Where would she find the balance? And would she expect the same questions of others that she asked of me?

I'm on the fence about thinking that my daughter will find it important that she learns Chinese or not. Not just things she can learn on Ni Hao, Kai Lan, or the simple basics that we learned before we traveled. But REAL interactive language acquisition of Mandarin or Cantonese. There are so many other things that we do with her, that adding another class setting and travel time is nearly impossible. And I'm not convinced that this is something she will feel jaded on, if we don't do it.

Anyone else ever considered these things? And have you thought about pros and cons of sending your child to Chinese language classes at an early age, or at any age?

[Lissa]

Our children are Chinese-Americans and I work very hard to expose Liddy to Chinese-American culture. I try to provide her with as many role models as possible and I educate myself to as many Asian-American issues as possible. I actively work with Asian groups and read about Asian American history. In addition I continue to expose Lydia to her heritage by teaching her Mandarin, studying Zhuang customs (she is a member of that particular minority group) and celebrate many Chinese holidays because to many Asian Americansheritage is an incredibly important part of their daily lives.
I have talked with adult Asian Adoptees who think this exposure is important and encourage me to do more for Lydia's self-esteem. I am teaching Lydia to make her way in the world. Part of that way is finding her individuality from Russ and myself. We are family. We are similar in our dramatic flair, our love of imagination and music. Our shared experiences make us family...but I feel it is important to acknowledge and celebrate our differences as well. I cannot share being Asian, but I can acknowledge it's importance and provide her with as many positive outlets for her personal growth as possible.

Lucy Lui who has been honored many times over by the Asian American community in general has this to say about Asians learning about their heritage: When you grow up Asian-American it’s difficult because you don’t know if you’re Asian or if you’re American. You get confused... You need to recognize your background. I think it’s important. Just for yourself. It makes you more whole. It does."

[KarenInCa]

Lissa, I'm the first to believe you when you say that you try to celebrate her Chinese heritage. We do the same with Cady. Perhaps not as much as you do with Liddy, but there are a lot of Chinese-Americans in my area, and many of the children in Cady's preschool are Chinese-American.

The girl Cady spends the most time with at preschool is Chinese-American, and her grandmother lives with them, and speaks only Cantonese. Contrarily, our elderly next-door neighbor is Chinese-American. She was raised in San Francisco, and does not speak Chinese at all. I don't think she feels like she has lost something along the way, although I have never asked. She does, though, have her family, and in a sense has her own Chinese-American culture because her family is Chinese-American. And perhaps our children, being adopted, might need more Chinese saturation by their non-Chinese parents than children that have not been adopted. I really don't know, and that's why I posed the question.

I think, though, that culture and heritage are distinctly different. Even though they're similar, and can be inter-changable, I don't think they always are. Culture is a way of life, a daily routine. It's something that is so engrained in the child or family that it comes to them like breathing or drinking water. Heritage, on the other hand, is what our children will have, no matter how hard we try to show them the culture. She is Chinese-American and I am not. I can show her pieces of her heritage but can I really give her Chinese culture without being Chinese?

However, my question is not really directed at whether we should/should not....introduce and show interest in their Chinese heritage, but more directed at whether or not her taking in-depth Chinese language classes is/will be important for her to find her identity. Or are the basic words, and introducing (embracing) Chinese heritage enough?

[pgruodis]

Just thinking of my friends back at my University....
German friend - Didn't speak German
Korean friend - Didn't speak Korean
Greek friend - Didn't speak Greek
African American friend - Didn't speak African
Polish friend - Didn't speak Polish
Italian friend - Didn't speak Italian
Filipino friend - Didn't speak Tagalog
Chinese friend - Didn't speak Chinese
Czech friend - Didn't speak Czech
Mixed Nationality friends - Didn't speak any of "their" languages
*By "speak" I mean hold a basic conversation - of course they knew some words (mainly swears)
...Interestingly, they all identified themselves as German, Korean, ect.

My parents are from Lithuania, and I grew up speaking Lithuanian while my wife is from Poland, so of course she speaks Polish. When questions of a 2nd language comes up in our family, everyone asks if we will send our daughter to Lithuanian or Polish Saturday school!
...In reality it would probably benefit our daughter in the future to learn Spanish

I did also have Lithuanian, Mexican, Russian, Ukrainian, Polish, Indian friends that knew their respective languages....but guess who they only spoke it to... their parents.
Additionally, I was involved in many Lithuanian organizations growing up....we all could speak Lithuanian, but usually just spoke English to each other.

So, does speaking Lithuanian make me feel more Lithuanian? No.
The only thing it *might* have done is make me feel closer to my parents because that's what made us different from those around us.
If leaning Chinese probably won't make my daughter feel more connected to Chinese culture, nor make us feel more like a family unit (and potentially do the opposite), I'd have to wonder its actual benefit.

[MissyAmomChina]

Hi,

I don't think there are any "have to"s in regards to learning Mandarin or Cantonese. I think across the board you'll see folks have a variety of feelings about cultural and heritage connections, classes etc.

We are fortunate that we have access to classes that are every other Saturday. Our daughter especially likes the calligraphy aspect. Parents also participate. I do like learning Mandarin with her and I do like the fact that we are doing it together. Do I think it's good for my daughter? Yes. Do I think it's the only connection or that if you don't do this your child is missing out? No.

On a side note, Mandarin is being taught in more and more highschools and it'll likely be an option when our children are older. Perhaps, your daughter will have the opportunity to make the choice when she's in highschool.

[ElectricGypsy]

I personally am Filipina/Chinese and don't speak either language. I feel very connected to my roots on the Filipino side because that was how I was raised culturally and feel a little bit of a disconnect with my Chinese side. Both parents are part Chinese with my mother being half and my father being a fourth. Both, however, were born and raised in the Philippines with their parent passing away at a very early age that was part Chinese. I am learning more and more about my Chinese heritage because I would now like to share that with my daughter.

What I'm trying to say is that the way that I feel about my connection with my roots on either side really has nothing to do with whether I speak the language or not. It is more having to do with what my parents shared with me as a child growing up about my heritage which is what you are doing with your daughter.

If learning the language is what she would like to do...by all means I think it's a great idea...but because it is a great addition to what she will be learning about herself and China, not because it is a requirement to her being "Chinese".

[Lissa]

I think I made it clear in my post that I too see a differencebetween culture and heritage. Lydia is Chinese American. I cannot share that with her, but I do everything I can to educate myself and her to the Chinese American culture and I take every opportunity to expose her to cultural heroes events etc.

Heritage though is an important part of the Chinese American culture. I do everything I can to expose her to that as well. Part of that is language. I used to not think language was important. (See previous posts) But I do now since my conversations with other adult adoptees.

I am not saying it is wrong not to teach our children language, just that is what is important to our family. I am sorry if you took from my reply that I did not understand your question. I did. I apologize if you took offense to my answer. I did not mean it. I only meant that this is what is working best for my family and what I have learned after researching the topic extensively.

Lissa

[KarenInCa]

Lissa, really, no apology necessary. Your post, in no way, offended me. I was (admittedly) still a little raw from my coworker indicating that I am a poor parental figure for not sending her to Chinese school. And I just get so tired of others judging my relationship with my child based on what I do or do not do to preserve her heritage. And not based on whether or not my child feels safe, secure, accepted, and loved.
Frankly, I've seen both side. I've read blogs from adult Korean adoptees who are bitter about not being exposed to their heritage enough as they were growing up, and I've read blogs from KADs that are bitter because their a-parents tried too hard to incorporate the cultural aspects, when they could not actually give that to them....so the cultural part became a token gift, for the child, at best. Then there are those that find a happy medium. I want to know where that comes from. Is it the personality of the child, of the parents, or the fact that the child was able to mostly to feel loved and appreciated? With the rest being important but secondary.
Perhaps the key is not how much we try (or don't try) to expose them to Chinese heritage, but rather how much we embrace their desire to know more.
Melissa-I've also heard that Mandarin is becoming more prevalent in high schools. We've always followed her lead in what she likes to do. She likes dance, so she is in dance class, she liked doing gymnastics (from our furniture), so we have her enrolled in gymnastics classes- And she's really excelling at it, Im hoping that she wants to do competitive gymnastics as she gets older, but that too, is based on how she will feel about gymnastics in a few years. She might just find greater interest in something else. She likes that she's from China, and there's a Chinese heritage day camp in summers for kids 5 and older here, so maybe that might be one of our next adventures.

[KarenInCa]

Lissa, just curious, because Im considering adding more language for her. Do you use flash cards, language DVDs, go to classes with her? Is it all language or are you also learning some character writing with her? If it's flash cards, do you have flash cards with the Chinese characters on them, or written in English?
How do you plan on incorporating Mandrain for her, as she gets older? Do they have any special classes she can attend in Ky, as she gets older?
The words that Cady pronounces in Chinese are pronounced very well, probably because she heard it spoken till she was almost 17 months old.

(I would have used the same post above for these questions, but it seems a bit irrelevant to the rest of the above post)

[Lissa]

Do you use flash cards, language DVDs, go to classes with her?
No classes yet. We do use flash card and language work books given to us by Russell's laoshi. She recognizes characters, but not Pinyan.

Is it all language or are you also learning some character writing with her? She's not learning to write characters yet, but she can read several characters.

If it's flash cards, do you have flash cards with the Chinese characters on them, or written in English?
They are written in both, along with Pinyan. We made them ourselves with a program Russell got off the computer.

How do you plan on incorporating Mandrain for her, as she gets older? I have no idea. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. :-)

Do they have any special classes she can attend in Ky, as she gets older? Not yet, though the university is working on it. I along with a couple of the other professors are trying to work towards Culture Camps...but that's still yet to be seen if it will occur.

[richard p.]

Great thread. I kind of chuckle when when I read about people questioning whether we are allowing our kids to learn Chinese-as if it is something you can pick up in a few months. My oldest daughter took both Cantonese and Mandarin for about a year each. Both times we were told that unless we got a full time tutor she would be lost in class. Both classes were geared towards children who had Chinese parents in the home and were used to hearing the language. The language is very very difficult and very tonal, so it is not something you can just read about and learn from a book. She had a great time but got bored and frustrated with it. We did not push her to continue. Looks like we all agree that teaching our kids about their rich and wonderful culture is very important and probably more important than learning the language. My wife, daughter and I have many Chinese friends and I can tell you that most of their kids do not speak Chinese. The few that do speak, speak because they were born in China or because there are grandparents in the home and the kids go back to China to visit for extended periods of time.

[pgruodis]

IMHO Learning a language with your child gives very little Bang-for-your-Buck. You have to put so much into it, and you get so little out. Not to mention it isn't particularly fun past the most basic level.
Probably dozens of more fun things a family could do together to honor Chinese heritage.

[PiperH]

We were at a seminar in April and I attended a workshop from a business in Chicago that teaches Chinese, and the woman doing the class was wonderful. I would take my child there in a heartbeat, first because it looks like it would be so much fun and secondly because they would be learning something valuable. They also offer online classes for children (I wanted to take them!). We did sign up for and win a free demo for our child in the future. Of course, I'm at work and cannot find the company, but I can look later. They used songs and basically memory games and it is surprising how much I retained just from one hour.

Violet

[jasonsmom]

The classes near us start at 4 and Jess is 2. At the moment I am thinking I will take her when she's old enough but I won't know for sure until the time comes. We do as much as we can to connect Jess to the Chinese culture. At the moment she speaks a couple of words/phrases that I learned (I love you, older brother, younger sister, grandfather) in Mandarin but that's it.

[hoping44]

DH and I discussed this at length before we brought Ella home. We really wanted to do the right thing for our child, as everyone here does. Our final conclusion was just to take our cues from our daughter (and now we are adding a son to that). As they get older, if they are interested in learning the Chinese language, or more about Chinese culture, we will encourage that in every way that we can. Right now we are exposing Ella to China's culture in small amounts so that she has an opportunity to develop a desire to learn more. If she does, we will go with that, if not, that's fine too. Our biggest priority as far as culture and heritage, is to be able to take our whole family to visit China once the little ones are able to understand and remember the trip. I think it will be very beneficial to them to actually be in their birth country rather than just reading about it or seeing the pictures. Great topic!!!