[ashmilf]

With all the waiting, I thought it might be fun to think about all the good things having kids (if you have them) brings or all the good things this process has brought.

So my question is:

What do you wish you had known prior to having kids?

[KarenInCa]

Oh, what an excellent question!

My older son is 24 yrs old (bio son from a different marriage). Before having him, I wish I would have known how fast time flies by. I mean REALLY known. I was so young, and he was so precious and cute. I loved each day with him, but it flew by so fast, and you can never go back. I wish I would have known that he needed me more in his teens than he let on. If I could go back, I would have spent much more time with him as a teen, and REALLY let him know how much I adored him, as much as when he was a baby.

Before having my second child (DD adopted from China at 16 months old) I wish I would have known how well adjusted she really would be. I wish I would have known how much she could add to our marriage. We now call each other "Mama" and "Daddy" in regular conversation when talking to each other in her presence. She has added a dimension to our marriage that simply was not there, even though we had a good relationship and considered our unity as a family before she was in it. Our family dimension is so much deeper now.
I wish I would have known the pure JOY she would bring to extended family members, and to us. I knew she would bring joy, but she lights up the room.
I wish I also would have known how much my son actually would end up loving her. As time goes by, he is more and more the "older brother" when he comes to visit us, and it's so wonderful to see their relationship unfold.
I wish I would have known how perfect adding this ONE child to our lives really would be. She was meant to be in our family, I'm sure of it. The angst of waiting for her while the wait crawled upward, did not allow me to realize that she was on her ONE path to us and we were on the same path (in the opposite direction) to her. I wanted my child but did not take into account that MY child was not ready to be with us yet. Timing was everything. I thank God that it took longer than we anticipated to get a referral. The timing brought us together. And I now understand that.

On a side note, I'm glad I didn't know how much it costs for full time daycare/preschool. The reality shock of the monthly expenses could have been a reason to not consider adoption. But it all works out, ya just juggle everything a bit differently. I recall calling around when we brought her home, and my jaw literally dropped when asking preschool prices over the phone.

Thank you for starting this thread. It really brought forward some wonderful feelings about being a parent.

[kelceesmom]

I wish I had known that my baby wouldn't sleep thru the night for a very long time!!!!!!!!! I was always told it happens around 2-4 months. I thought oh that will work out fine as it should as I return to work and then I will get good rest for my work days. Not! Kelcee was about 14-16 months before she sorted of slept thru the night.

I wish I also would have known how much love I would have for this baby. I think I would have started the process much sooner and maybe would have been able to afford a second adoption afterwards.

[hoping44]

I wish I had known....that each time God blesses us with a child, he adds more love in our hearts so that we never have to take love from a child that we already have, in order to be able to give our new child lots of love. BUT, to make up for putting that extra love in our hearts, He evidently takes a little bit of our mind to balance things out. So, here we are on #5! I have soooo much love in my heart, and am just barely holding on to my sanity....I'm loving every minute of it!!!!!!

[specialk4b]

I wish I had known about how much I would love my child. You think you know how you will love this child, but I'm amazed about how often I don't care about my sleep, my food, my fun or whatever, if it means giving him what he needs.

I also wish I had known how much more I could do in a day. I thought I was busy before, but I'm continually shocked at how busy I stay. Of course I have nothing to show for it at the end of the day!

[ttcasey]

I am in agreement with everyone here. I wish I knew before I had kids that I would have three wonderful kids with age spans of greater than 15 years. My older daughter reminds me that she enters college the same month that Caroline will enter pre-school. That is crazy. The love for my children is priceless. For those of you with young children, take it slow, don't worry about having a clean house or clean laundry, go out and play, go to the park, make cookies. That is what having kids is all about.

[KarenInCa]

Originally Posted by ttcasey

I wish I knew before I had kids that I would have three wonderful kids with age spans of greater than 15 years. My older daughter reminds me that she enters college the same month that Caroline will enter pre-school. That is crazy.

Isn't it insanely beautiful?
I actually felt much older before we adopted our daughter. From the outside, it seemed it was a rushed decision to adopt. And in fact, to this day, neither DH nor myself really know why we decided to do it, within one day, we decided to adopt, and from China, and what her name would be. But now it seems as if it was always meant to be.

[Karen in MT]

I wish I knew just what an impact my life would have on theirs. That every single thing I do is an example for them. That my love would grow into such depth that my relationship with them will matter more than any thing else. That through me they will gather a great deal of their strength to live this life. I hope I will continue to live as the best example I can to them. This is one of the best ways to love your children.
-Karen

[ashmilf]

I wish I had known that every story told by a 4 year old would end in "blaaahhhh".

I wish I had known that making babies and adopting babies both would require a lot of work. Fun work, but work nonetheless.

I wish I had known how wonderful the word "mama" is.

I wish I had known to relax and not worry so much about the house being clean. It's never going to be clean. The best I can hope for is tidy.

[KarenInCa]

...... I also wish I would have known that DD would take me back in time to a place where you can slide down rainbows or marry the prince or become a fairy all by simply wearing a worn out headdress.

[ashmilf]

I wish I had known to cherish the clingy stage b/c before long I will have to drop her off down the street so I won't be seen.

[LisaAnn1170]

I wish I had known that it really DOES "take a village...!"

Honestly, though, everything I wish I had known, people tried to tell me, but you can't really know until it's your time.

[Lissa]

This one is a tough one for me. There is so much I didn't know.

I wish I'd known how much I would revolve my life around her. I never thought I would. I thought I was too selfish to be a mother. I waited as long as I did, because I really wasn't sure I would be a good mother. But now that she's here, all I care about is making her life as good as possible. And it makes me sad sometimes that she will likely be my only child because I was so unsure about parenting. So while I don't think I'm the greatest parent in the world. I wish I'd known I wasn't going to be the worst either.